Positions

Sex & Pleasure

## What is it/ How is it done?

* The receiver lies back on the bed with a pillow under their head.
* Receiver brings their knees into their chest and crosses their legs.
* The giver kneels down in front and places their hands on the receiver’s waist or under their crossed legs.
* Then the giver can enter.

## Benefits

* The crossing of the legs makes this position even more exciting, adding extra stimulation.
* This position leads to a great climax.
* You will have a good view of the giver.
* Great opportunity for eye contact.

## Tips

* Keep your tights close together.
* Try stroking the giver’s tights as he thrusts.


X Marks the spot

Widely Opened

The Waterfall

The Valedictorian

The Twerk

#### What is it:

-   This is a more challenging version of the traditional 69. 
-   The heavier, stronger partner should sit on the bed or a chair. 
-   The lighter partner then puts their head into the lap of the heavier person. 
-   The heavier partner then maneuvers the lighter partner into an upside-down position. 
-   Both heads should be between the tights of each partner. 
-   Both partners should wrap their arms around their partner's waist. 
-   Then begin to mutually pleasure one another with your mouths.

#### Benefits:

-   This position will definitely give you both a bit of a workout and some added excitement.

#### Tips:

-   Don't try this if you can't support your partner's weight, the last thing you want to do is drop them! That will really kill the mood. 
-   Remember that this position can be dangerous. 
-   Don't try this position for more than a couple of minutes.

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The Standing 69

#### How to do it:

-   Both partners sit on the bed with their legs pointed towards one another. 
-   Both partners lie back slightly and support their weight. 
-   The receiver moves towards the giver. 
-   The receiver spreads their legs and keeps their legs on top of the giver's hips and lets them enter. 
-   The giver can begin to thrust.

#### Benefits:

-   This position is great because it allows eye contact and you can switch to other positions easily, such as missionary.
-   Let's pleasure each other with grinding and circular motions.

#### Tips:

-   Try moving your hips in a circular motion for a large sensation. 
-   Try kissing or stroking your partner.

The Spider 

#### How does it work?

-   The giver sits on the bed. 
-   The receiver gets down on their front and the giver enters similar to a doggy. 
-   Instead of letting the giver's legs remain on the bed, the giver lifts them up by the pelvis and the receiver grabs the giver by the waist with their legs.

#### Benefits:

-   This position is easier than the standing wheelbarrow.
-   Good for building strength and working out. 
-   Can start with this position before learning to do the standing wheelbarrow.
-   This position is popular for rear-entry penetration as well as penile-vaginal sex.
-   Have a couple of different pleasure points that you might not experience in a different position.
-   Brings the Aspot into view.

#### Tips:

-   Can put a pillow underneath knees or stomach for comfort.
-   If your partner does not have a penis you can still try this with a dildo or other toy.
-   Add some clitoral stimulation into the mix with a toy. 
-   Wrap your legs around your partner and grip them tighter with your inner thighs for a deeper and tighter feel.

The Seated Wheelbarrow 

#### What is it?

-   The receiver will lie on your right or left side. 
-   The giver kneels down. 
-   Staddle the receivers right led and then lift their left leg so it's curled around your left side.

#### Benefits:

-   This position allows for deep penetration.
-   You can maintain eye contact in this position. 
-   Is relaxing for the receiver.

#### Tips:

-   The receiver will have their hands free -so you can use them to finger, play, or use toys on your or your partner. 
-   If the raised leg makes the receiver uncomfortable or unstable they can use their arm to help them stay in position.
-   If you want to adjust the angle or depth of penetration you can grab the top arm of the person on the bottom and pull them closer towards you.
-   The receiver can hook their leg around the person on top.
-   The receiver can bring their knees closer to their chest.

The Pretzel 

#### What is it:

-   One partner sits on the bed cross-legged. 
-   The other partner climbs on top and crosses their legs behind their partner's back.

#### Benefits:

-   This position is calm and relaxing! 
-   Good eye contact.
-   Very intimate and sensual - it's basically a fun hug.

#### Tips:

-   This position is best for rocking back and forwards, not thrusting. 
-   Try lots of lube to make the rocking feel extra sensual!
-   Focus on your rhythm and try synchronizing your breath with your partner.

The OM/Yam-yum

#### What is it:

-   One partner sits on the bed or floor with their hands on the ground behind them. Then they spread their legs and slightly bend them at the knees.
-   The other partner places their hands behind their back, supporting their weight. Then they staddle their partner's lap and places their legs on their partner's shoulders.

#### Benefits:

-   This position enables your partner to try lots of different movements! 
-   They can thrust, grind, move side to side, and go as deep or shallow as you both want. 
-   Great view for both of you! 
-   Good for arm and butt strength.

#### Tips:

-   You can try wrapping your legs around your partner's neck, this will drive the two of you closer together.

The Octopus 

#### What is it:

-   Your giver lies on their back with their knees up and spread apart.
-   The receiver climbs on top. 
-   The receiver lifts their legs up, bent, and holds them with their arms.
-   The giver supports their partner by holding the back of their legs and elbows.

#### Benefit:

-   This is a good position for rear entry. 
-   Great for G-spot stimulation.
-   The giver will have lots of control for thrusting as their knees are bent. 

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#### Tips:

-   The receiver must make sure to keep their legs tightly together for a more intense feeling. 
-   Make sure to slightly bend your knees. 
-   Try having your legs holding the back of your legs for more balance. 
-   The giver can also play with their partner's penis or clitoris. 
-   Make sure to communicate with your partner!

The Mermaid 

#### What is it:

-   One partner lies on their back at a right angle to their partner.
-   The other person is on top and faces their partner. 
-   Both people interlock and cross tights for penetration.

#### Benefits:

-   Both partners can control the thrusting. You can both enjoy some autonomy!
-   You can move your partner closer or further away with your legs.
-   Due to the angle of the position, the penetration does not have to be too deep. 
-   Doesn't acquire strength or balance.  

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#### Tips:

-   You can caress your partner for a more intimate feel. 
-   The woman can stimulate her clitoris in this position.

The Cross 

#### What is it/How to do it:

-   Lean on the edge of a bed or sofa. 
-   Rest on the hip and forearm of one side. 
-   Press your thighs together while your partner stands and straddles you. 
-   They then enter from behind.

#### Benefits:

-   By having your legs pressed together you can hold your partner tighter.
-   As you are at a twisted angle this helps to hit the spot in a way you won't feel in any other position. 
-   Easier position to reach an orgasm for a woman.
-   Easy position to get into.
-   It's comfortable, but you may find that one side is more comfortable than the other.

#### Tips:

-   The receiver can also thrust the giver, try to get into a rhythm.
-   Throw a toy into the mix.

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The Corkscrew 

#### What is it?

-   Have your partner sit on the edge of the bed. 
-   Sit on your partner's lap, facing away from them.
-   Then start thrusting!

#### Benefit:

-   This will hit your P-spot or G-spot.
-   The receiver is hands-free so can add in some extra stimulation. 
-   You are also facing away from your partner so don't have to worry about facial expressions.

#### Tips:

-   If you bring your knees closer to your chest this will increase the intensity.
-   You can squat slightly or back up more onto your partner for deeper and more intense penetration.
-   Likewise, you can move away from your partner slightly for more shallow penetration. 
-   Try using some sex toys!

The Chairperson 

#### What is it:

-   The receiver lies on their back with their legs raised and folded over so that their ankles are on either side of their head. 
-   The giver squats on top of them and enters.

#### Benefits:

-   Great for eye contact.
-   Increases the excitement. 
-   Good flexibility and squat workout. 
-   Amazing for deep penetration. 
-   Potential for a deep and intense orgasm.

#### Tips:

-   Make sure that you are flexible enough for this position and don't have any back problems. 
-   If the position becomes uncomfortable, move into missionary, give your legs a rest and go back into the butter churner. 
-   Be careful not to injure your neck in this position, you can put a pillow underneath if this helps you. 
-   If you want to be a bit lazy then this position might not be for you.

The Butter Churner 

#### What is it:

-   This is a twist on missionary. 
-   The person lying on their back puts their legs on their partner's shoulders.

#### Benefits:

-   This means that the penetration can go deeper as the legs are over your partner's shoulders.
-   This position is actually easier than it might sound! And it's quite comfortable.

#### Tips:

-   You can control the depth by going closer or further away from your partner. 
-   If you want more depth or a tighter feel wrap your legs together.

The Anvil 

#### What is it?

-   This position will require some balance and core strength. 
-   The receiver will get on their hands and feet. 
-   Have the giver pick you up by the pelvis. 
-   Then grip the receiver's waist with your thighs.

#### Benefits:

-   It's definitely a good workout!
-   This gives deep penetration. 
-   Good view.
-   Good laugh.

#### Tips:

-   If you want to give your arms a break you can rest on a table or bed. 
-   Make sure that you and your partner are relatively strong before attempting this position. 
-   Don't thrust too hard or make your partner fall over!
-   Communicate with your partner.

Standing Wheelbarrow 

#### What is it:

-   This is a twist to the classic missionary position. 
-   To get into this position the receiver lies on their back and raises one leg into the air. 
-   The giver straddles their partner's lower leg and the receiver's raised leg rests on their shoulder.
-   Then the giver thrusts.

#### Benefits:

-   This position allows for deeper penetration. 
-   Makes the clitoris or penis more accessible. Therefore, you can stimulate this through a handjob, toys, or fingers.

#### Tips:

-   If the position gets tiring, you can change legs. 
-   Use lube. 
-   If you are the receiver, you can thrust in this position giving more stimulation to you and your partner. 
-   Try adjusting your hips so that your partner gets to your G-spot or P-spot.
-   This position is good for eroticism but not great for clit or dick stimulation so definitely try to add a toy into the mix.

Splitting the Bamboo 

#### What is it:

-   Both partners lie on their sides, facing away from each other.
-   Think little spoon, big spoon! 
-   The big spoon then enters from behind.

#### Benefits:

-   This position is cozy and comfortable. 
-   Allows for more skin-to-skin contact and extra stimulation.
-   For vaginal and anal penetration. 
-   This position leaves both of your hands-frees, so you can add a little extra pleasure.

#### Tips:

-   The big spoon can place their hands on the little spoon's shoulders to increase the intensity and deepness of the thrust. 
-   Use pillows for extra comfort. 
-   Try to play around with the intensity and see what you and your partner like best!

Scoop/Spoon 

#### What is it:

-   This is for all gendered couples! It is more inclusive of a sex position than mainstream porn may have you believe. 
-   Scissoring sex involved genital on genital rubbing or grinding.
-   To do this position you lie on your side, facing each other. 
-   Spread your legs and move closer to your partner so that your genitals are touching. 
-   Start to grind, hump or rub on each other. 
-   This position can include penetration but it doesn't have to.
-   Move around a bit and try to find a good rhythm.

#### Benefits:

-   Vulva owners have a lot of erectile tissue under the labia so this position can lead to a lot of stimulation.
-   Your pelvic floor muscles activate when you move your pelvis in a grinding motion against your partner.
-   For penises, scissoring will lead to a sensation of rubbing against something warm which can feel really good.

#### Tips:

-   Make sure to use lube! This will make it much more enjoyable and will avoid chafing. 
-   Include internal and external toys. 
-   Make eye contact
-   Kiss!
-   If your partner has a vagina: use a strap on for vaginal or anal penetration, use your fingers, try a butt plug, experiment with a double-ended dildo.
-   If your partner has a penis: use your fingers to penetrate them anally, try a butt plug, anal beads or a prostate massager. 
-   Try to experiment as much as possible with this position to find what works best for you and your partner.

The Scissor 

#### How to do the position:

-   If you like the rider position then the chances are you will also enjoy this. 
-   Your partner lies on their back, you climb on top of them, faced away looking towards their feet.

#### Benefits:

-   Your partner will get a pretty good view.
-   If you're worried about your facial expressions, then you don't have to in this position! You can just focus on the moment.
-   You'll be able to take control and go at your pace and rhythm.

#### Tips:

-   Try to experiment with the angle. You might want to sit up a bit straighter or lean forwards more. Discover what suits you the best, there's no right way to do it!
-   If it's a penis then consider its angle. Not every penis has the same angle. That's why you want to think about the angle and make sure to communicate with your partner. 
-   Communicate with your partner to find what angle and rhythm work for the both of you. 
-   Add some pillows for support. This can be for your knees, kips, or for your partner's neck. 
-   If the penetration is too deep, then lean forward or backward.
-   If you want more penetration then place a pillow under your partner's hips.
-   If you want some extra stimulation you can use your fingers or bring in a toy.

Reverse rider/reverse cowgirl 

#### What is it:

-   The giver kneels on the bed, with their body upwards. 
-   The receiver lies on their back and the giver picks up the receiver and supports them under their butt. 
-   The receiver arches their back in a bridge position and their legs dangle behind their partner's body.

#### Benefits:

-   This is a great position for deep penetration.
-   Great transition position!

#### Tips:

-   You can play around with the angle a bit. The giver can move the receiver upwards or downwards a bit and see what works best for both of you.

Pinball Wizard 

#### What is it:

-   The magic mountain position is a variation of doggy.
-   As the name implies, it is having sex on a 'mountain' of pillows or cushions. 
-   In this position, one partner has to kneel in front of the pile of pillows and lean their weight and forearms on the pillow. 
-   The other partner then enters from behind whilst on their knees.
-   This is different from doggy as you don't have to put all your weight in this position and so it's less exhausting.

#### Benefit:

-   This position is comfortable and as you are resting on the pillows you can stay in this position for longer.
-   Great position for G-spot or P-spot stimulation.

#### How to get into the position:

-   First, you have to create a small mountain of pillows on the bed or floor.
-   Make sure that the mountain is stable enough to withstand some pounding.
-   If you're the small spoon, make sure to put all of your body weight on the pillows as this will be more comfortable. 
-   The other partner should kneel down from behind and surround their legs around their partner to penetrate. You should rest your weight and elbows on the pillows parallel to your partner's forearms. 
-   You can also hold your partner's waist.

Magic Mountain 

#### What is the position?

-   Your partner sits on the edge of the bed or a chair, and you climb on top of them, face forward. 
-   Pretty easy position to get into, just make sure you lean your weight on your partner and they can hold your waist.

#### What's the benefit?

-   You can control the angle and depth of the entry and thrust. 
-   That means if you want to go deeper you can or if you want to go a bit more shallow you can control how much weight you're placing on your partner. 
-   Plus, being seated in this position is very comfortable.
-   It's also a great position for your partner to caress you. 
-   You can lock eyes with your partner, for a more personal sex position.

Lotus 

#### What is it:

-   The leapfrog is a doggy style variation that enables you to control how deep you are going.
-   Don't worry it doesn't involve any hopping. 
-   This position works for all gendered couples.
-   Similar to doggy, you'll get on your hands and knees but rest your forehead and arms on the bed while raising your hips in the air. 
-   If you are looking for deeper penetration, the leapfrog sex position is for you. 
-   You can also hold a vibrator or toy whilst being penetrated. 
-   When you are in a leapfrog position the partner will be doing most of the work. 
-   You can also thrust against your partner for more vigorous sex. This will also give them a bit of a rest if they are tired.

#### Tips:

-   You can try it against a wall so that you can place your hands on the wall and push back onto your partner, this will make the thrusting stronger.
-   You might find it more comfortable to use a pillow under your partner's head when performing the leapfrog. 
-   If you don't like deep penetration than this position might not be for you. 
-   You can make it tighter for your partner by keeping your legs together instead of apart.
-   Use your hands to stimulate your clitoris or to jerk off.

Leapfrog 

#### What is it:

-   The receiver lies down on their stomach. The giver goes on top and enters from behind. 
-   The receiver can move their legs apart or keeping them together. 
-   You can turn slightly to look up at your partner.

#### Tips:

-   It can be hard as the receiver to thrust back on your partner. But you can try this with subtle, not large movements. This will increase the deepness of the penetration. 
-   You can lift your legs up as the receiver to help it go in deeper or to change the angle. 
-   As the giver, you will be doing most of the work. You can put your weight on your hands or go down onto your forearms if this is more comfortable. 
-   Move around a bit until you find that sweet spot. 
-   If you want to make it more intimate the giver can lie on your body and start to kiss you. This will also enable them to penetrate you with more intensity.

#### Benefits:

-   Position works for anal sex too.
-   It's relaxing! 
-   Can transfer into this position quite easily

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Flat Iron 

#### What is it:

-   This is a fellatio technique with cold and hot sensations. 
-   This will arouse the receiver of oral sex.
-   This can be done with lube, warm or cold liquids, or oils.
-   Prepare two cups with liquid, one warm and one cold.
-   The person performing oral sex should take liquid from one cup into their mouth. 
-   The liquid can be held at the back of the mouth and under the tongue. 
-   As you perform oral sex the liquid will go on your partner.
-   This process is then repeated with the other liquid. 
-   Keep alternating between the two liquids.

#### Benefits:

-   This will lead to a great sensation when receiving oral sex.
-   A fun way to mix things up in the bedroom.

#### Tips:

-   Make sure the cups are at a good temperature, you don't want it to be too hot! 
-   Try using tea.
-   Try using ice cubes in your mouth. 
-   Choking caution.
-   Make sure you discuss your partner's STI status before commencing in sex.
-   Try to avoid mint tea on the clitoris as this can make it numb.

Fire and Ice 

#### The Basics:

-   Doggy is a go-to position. It can be playful, rough, sensual, and intimate. It all depends on how you want to do it! 
-   It all starts from behind! The receiving partner is on their hands and knees, facing away from their partner. 
-   This is a perfect position for hitting the G-Spot or the P-spot if you have a prostate, while the giver benefits from deep penetration and let's face it, a pretty good view.
-   You may enjoy being on all fours or you might be more comfortable leaning down instead. 
-   Your partner will enter from a standing or kneeling position. 
-   The person from behind will be doing most of the work, but the receiver can bounce back against their penis or toy.

#### Benefits:

-   If you have a vagina, doggy stimulates the G-spot and A-spot. 
-   Doggy style is also great for those who enjoy deep anal penetration with greater stimulation of the P-spot if the receiver has one.
-   Doggy style can also be incredibly intimate as the giver is easily able to caress and stroke most of their partner's body. 
-   You can easily bend over and kiss your partner. It can be a great way to give focus and attention to your partner.

#### What can you do if penetration feels too deep?

-   Sometimes doggy can feel a little too intense. But not to worry, there are a couple of things that you can do. 
-   You can ask your partner to go shallower. They will still be able to stimulate your G-spot or P-spot. 
-   Instead of having your partner thrust from behind, try taking control from the front. Thrusting backward onto their penis or toy will allow you to control the depth and speed. 
-   Switch up your position so there isn't as much of a direct path to your cervix or sphincter. You could move your knees closer together, position your arms closer to your knees or arch your back.

#### What if it doesn't feel deep enough?

-   If you want a little extra stimulation, you can take it to the next level.
-   Elevate your hips so they are higher than your upper body. You can lower yourself down to your elbow instead of your hands, or resting your face on a pillow so it's the same level as your knees. 
-   Move closer to your partner. 
-   Spread your knees further apart. 
-   Place a pillow under your stomach. 
-   Bring your knees closer to your hands. 
-   Have your partner hold your hips.

#### Tips (for added pleasure):

-   Have your partner reach around and play with your genitals, or take matters into your own hands. 
-   Add a sex toy. This will increase stimulation. You can hold the toy in place or move it around your body. Whatever feels best for you! 
-   As your partner to pay attention to your erogenous zones. 
-   Try it in front of a mirror. This way you can make eye contact with each other.
-   Don't forget the lube.
-   Adjust the height. If the receiver is a lot smaller than the giver then make sure they are on an elevated surface. 
-   Relax! Cause you're not making eye contact you don't have to worry about any potential sex faces you're embarrassed about.

Doggy 

#### What is it?

-   This position will require some flexibility on the part of the receiver. 
-   It's a bit similar to doggy.
-   To get into this position - the receiver stands with their legs spread apart and bends at the waist.
-   Support yourself with palms on the floor.
-   The giver will stand behind the receiver and penetrate the anus or vagina.

#### Benefits:

-   It is an excellent position for stimulating the G-spot or P-spot.
-   This is a good position if you want a quickie.

#### Tips:

-   Try not to thrust to roughly in this position as you will want to avoid falling other.

Crouching Tiger 

#### What is the Cowgirl/Rider sex position?

-   This is traditionally known as cowgirl position, but it can also be called cowboy, rider, or cow person position for people of all gender identities. 
-   The person on top is receiving vaginal or anal penetration.
-   The position requires the person with the penis to lie down with their legs straight, while the person receiving penetration kneels on top with their legs out to either side of the person lying down. The partners face each other. 
-   Reverse cowgirl and horizontal cowgirl are variations of the traditional cowgirl position. 
-   Many people think this position is mutually satisfying and find it easier to orgasm.
-   It puts the receptive partner in control of the rhythm, depth, and angle. 
-   Not a lot of other positions do this.

#### Benefits to Rider on top:

-   Eye contact.
-   Kissing.
-   Thrusting. 
-   Clitoral stimulation.

#### How to get into the position:

-   Kneel on top of your partner. 
-   You can lean on their chest once inside, or you can lean back and support yourself on their thighs. 
-   Play around with the angle and your hips. Find the best sweet spot for you. 
-   The angle of your pelvis is going to be what dictates how deep the penis or dildo goes. 
-   If your pelvis is tilted towards your partner's face, they're more likely to get deep and stimulate your cervix, A-spot or P-spot. 
-   If your pelvis is tilted away from your partner's face, they're more likely to stimulate your G-spot.

#### Tips:

-   Kneel instead of squatting. This is much more comfortable.
-   Stimulate your clit whilst on top. You or your partner can do this with your hands or get a toy involved. 
-   Don't just try to bounce on top, this isn't always the best. Instead, try rocking or thrusting. This feels a lot nicer and more intense than bouncing. 
-   Place a pillow or blanket next to you to hold onto.
-   Rest chest-to-chest with your partner. 
-   Go reverse! It's always a great view for your partner.
-   Try it on the floor.
-   Try a butt plug. This will add to the intensity by placing more pressure on your G-spot. If you have a vagina, a butt plug (if it's your thing) will create a greater sensation. 
-   If you have a penis, a butt plug can stimulate your prostate and create full pressure.
-   Want to make it more intense? Widen your knees or bring them closer together.

#### What to do if there's a body size difference?

-   Chairs can help if you are worried about having too much weight on your partner. This will place more of the weight on your legs. 
-   If the penetrator is bigger try reverse rider. This will enable you to lean forward as much as you want without your partner being in the way.
-   Need more support? Lean on your headboard or add pillows where you need extra cushioning.

#### What can you do if penetration feels too deep?

-   With this position, you have control over the depth.
-   Communicate with your partner. 
-   Put more pressure on your hands, prop yourself up a bit to make it more shallow.

#### What can you do if penetration doesn't feel deep enough?

-   You can place a pillow under your partner's hips. This will make it deeper.
-   Can do the crab instead, for a deeper feel.
-   Lean back to support yourself for deeper penetration.

#### If you have a vulva?

-   Bring in a toy, maybe a vibrator, or use your hands.
-   Use a butt plug.

#### If you have a penis?

-   Masturbate with your free hands. 
-   Have your partner stimulate your penis or balls with a vibrator.

Cowgirl/Rider 

#### What is it:

-   This is one of the most basic sex positions, but that doesn't mean it's not great! 
-   The giver lies on their back and their partner goes on top of them and enters. 

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#### Benefits:

-   This position is super intimate.
-   It's comfortable. 
-   You can transition into other positions easily.
-   It's the perfect warm-up. 
-   Low-effort or high-effort.

#### Tips:

-   The partner on top has more control over the speed and depth of penetration so make sure to communicate.
-   The partner on the bottom can also change it up by changing the position of their hips and legs. This will create a different sensation for both partners. 
-   If you have any aches or back pain then try to be the one lying on your back.

Missionary 

#### What is  it:

-   This is a variation of missionary but just a little bit more exciting. 
-   In this position, the receiver is on their back with their ankles to their shoulders. 
-   Your partner will enter on top in the same way as a missionary with their hands next to the sides of the receiver.

#### Benefits to the Butterfly:

-   You can lie back and relax in this position. 
-   The giver can slide up and down against their body which will be more relaxing than constant pumping. 
-   You can also do this position on the edge of the bed or on the counter. 
-   You can tilt your hips upward to get more control of the depth and control how intense the penetration is.
-   You can incorporate sex toys whilst in this position as this position leaves some space to play with your clit or penis. 
-   This position can also be good for anal. 
-   If you are doing anal in this position make sure to keep your legs closer together or keep your knees close to your chest. This will allow you to relax more.

Butterfly 

#### What is  it:

-   This is a variation of missionary but just a little bit more exciting. 
-   In this position, the receiver is on their back with their ankles to their shoulders. 
-   Your partner will enter on top in the same way as a missionary with their hands next to the sides of the receiver.

#### Benefits to the Butterfly:

-   You can lie back and relax in this position. 
-   The giver can slide up and down against their body which will be more relaxing than constant pumping. 
-   You can also do this position on the edge of the bed or on the counter. 
-   You can tilt your hips upward to get more control of the dept#### What is it:

-   69 is a mutual oral sex position. 
-   You can do this in two ways; both partners can lie on their sides, facing towards one another's genitals. 
-   Or: one partner can lie on the back and the other climbs on top, facing towards their genitals.

#### Benefits:

-   Both you and your partner will get simultaneous oral pleasure.
-   Super intimate.
-   Will help you train your coordination!

#### Tips:

-   Add in a vibrator 
-   Try a vibrating cock ring. 
-   It might be easier to give a better blowjob if your partner is on their back rather than their side, but that's just a personal preference!

‍ position leaves some space to play with your clit or penis. 
-   This position can also be good for anal. 
-   If you are doing anal in this position make sure to keep your legs closer together or keep your knees close to your chest. This will allow you to relax more.

Kinks

Often times, as a person with a vulva, suggesting using sex toys to a male partner can be daunting, I don’t want to offend them and make them feel like their penis isn’t good enough on it’s own. The fact remains however that many many people with vulvas find it hard to climax from penetrative sex alone, that is no insult to the penis doing the penetrating, it’s just human anatomy. Sometimes sex toys can be a great way to enhance everyone’s sexual experience.

* start by discussing with your partner WHY you want to use toys, toys don’t have to be intimidating, explain you’d like to experiment using different types of sex toys to try something different. They don’t always have to be involved but make it known that you would like to try.
* As always, consent is important when it comes to any sexual activity, make sure all parties are consenting adults and remember that consent can change at any time during sex.
* When you both feel comfortable and open to trying toys, discuss which toys you’d like to try, are you into playing with gentle kink? Anal play? Dildos or vibrators? There is a wide variety available.
* Gentle BDSM and kink should be just that, establish a trust bond and start small, maybe some velcro restraints or silk tie as a blind fold. BDSM is a very delicate practice and should be approached with trust, respect and control.
* Anal play can be fun for everyone - maybe you want to try a plug or a strap on, make sure that you use condoms for sharing toys, and a lubricant that works for your body, particularly with anal play.
* Dildos again can be a fun addition to oral, as before, consider condoms for toy sharing particularly if you are moving from anal to vaginal play.
* Vibrators are my personal favourite, this can really enhance a penetrative sexual experience, by using a clitoral stimulating vibrator while having penetrative sex can make the organs longer and more intense. If you are someone who struggles to orgasm from penetration alone, discuss this option with your partner.
* Always make sure to approach any subject of new activities in your sex life with care, be sure to be open and honest with your partner and talk about what you want to try and why, listen to any concerns each other have and above all HAVE FUN!

How to Incorporate Toys into your Sex Life

In sadomasochistic relationships and dynamics, one party derives enjoyment from inflicting physical or mental suffering and harm on another person, who in turn experiences sexual pleasure from the pain.



It is important we talk about this dynamic when we talk about sex education to allow you to explore every corner of your desires and sexuality. But with subjects like sadomasochism, that can be inherently dangerous and cause long lasting psychological or physical damage, it is important that we break down the difference between a functioning S & M dynamic, and abuse.



**Sadomasochism is the combination of -**

Sadism is the tendency to derive pleasure from inflicting suffering, pain or harm, physically or mentally, on someone else. Often for sexual gratification.

Masochism is the tendency to derive pleasure (often sexual) from ones own pain or humiliation.



So, as you can see, the sadist and the masochist compliment each other, and if both are in agreement, and consent to what they are doing, they can exist in a mutually beneficial and functional sadomasochistic relationship - this might include a sub/dom dynamic, bondage, spanking, ball breaking, verbal humiliation, foot worship, slave and master roles.



However it is important to be on board with what you are agreeing to, if this is not your fetish, being in a relationship with a masochist or a sadist can be harmful for both yourself and your partner.



Let's take these two separate examples - if your partner is a sadist, they may feel pleasure and excitement from verbally abusing you or spanking you, if this is not something you want done, and you are not masochistic, this could cause you physical and long term mental pain and damage. Likewise if you are in a relationship with a masochist, they may wish you to treat them in a certain way, to hurt them and humiliate them, if this is not something you enjoy it probably will not be enjoyable for either of you, and on a more serious note, if it is not something you have practice in you could end up hurting your partner through bondage or spanking that you are not sure about.



The sadomasochist dynamic is a perfect fit, the two compliment each other and can have a harmonious and beneficial union for both parties, but it is a select few that fit this mold, we always encourage open conversations with your partner about any sexual desires and in turn it is important to respect your partners desires, always make sure that clear boundaries are established and that consent is always present, this can change at anytime so think about having ‘safe words’ to keep the relationship going in the right direction!

Sadomasochism Explained 

One thing I have come across during my years in the adult industry is foot fetish in abundance, I have never particularly liked my own feet, so much so that with my first two boyfriends I never let them see me with my socks OFF. When I started shooting adult content I realized the upkeep of my toenails and soles was of the utmost importance, a pedicure or two later and I began to get booked for more and more foot fetish sites, people would comment on videos and message me on social media, they loved my soles, my toes, my feet. I started to embrace them as more than just the things that carried me from place to place!

With my new found foot confidence came new sexual exploration, one thing I learnt very early on in porn… how to give a footjob.


* **Consent.** Let's start at the very beginning, are all parties of age and do they consent to what is happening? Good? Ok lets go… Remembering that consent can change at any time.
* **Make sure your feet are clean**. If you are someone that tends to walk around a lot without shoes on, or even if you aren’t! It’s always a good idea to make sure your feet are clean before you rub them on someone's genitals. 
* **Use lube.** It doesn’t matter how soft your soles are, lubrication is always appreciated and makes the experience a lot more pleasurable. 
* **Start slow.** Rubbing your feet against the penis until you feel it harden. 
* **You can use more than your feet if you need.** Use your feet like you would your hands when giving a hand job, if at any time you feel uncomfortable or need a break, swap in hands or mouth to switch it up. 
* **Cum is a great moisturizer**. For a little extra ending, why not let them cum on your feet and toes and rub it in, this can add to the fantasy.

How to give a Footjob 

Edging is the practice of engaging in sexual stimulation to the point of ejaculation before stopping and starting again. It involves cycles of stimulation that can lead some people to a more intense orgasm. In some cases, those that experience premature ejaculation may benefit from the practice of edging to help them last longer during intercourse.



Anyone can engage in edging regardless of age, sexual orientation or gender. It is a practice that can be done alone or in the company of others.


**So what are the benefits of edging?**

-   A more intense orgasm. As discussed above, edging involves cycles of stimulation that build on each other and can end with a more intense orgasm.
-   Prevent premature ejaculation. The practice of abstaining from orgasm through long periods of sexual stimulation could be a great help to those that suffer from premature ejaculation.
-   Makes orgasms more achievable. It may make orgasms come with more ease, however be aware that it may not be helpful for those who suffer anorgasmia (difficulty reaching orgasm)
-   Increases the duration of sexual activity. Edging could help increase the length of sexual activity it can also change the dynamics by shifting the focus away from the orgasm. This may allow people to spend longer enjoying the process of stimulation.

Whilst edging is not usually harmful in any way, edging rarely leads to [epididymal hypertension](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/324870), or 'blue balls.' This is a buildup of blood in the testicles caused by long periods of arousal without orgasming.

Blue balls cause aching and occasionally a blue tint to the testicles, but it is not harmful and the condition does pass.




What is edging? 

Sex is wonderful and lovely and intimate and dirty and erotic and everything in between, and sometimes it is spontaneous, late at night or a quickie before work. The excitement is often one of the best bits about sex, and with that in mind, the aftercare is often overlooked. I definitely didn't consider sexual aftercare until I started shooting in the adult industry and realised that sex is a physical workout for my body and my genitals and having sex with different people, sometimes in the same day, required aftercare and hygiene upgrades on my part.

Of course, not everyone reading this will be shooting regular porn movies, but it is important to consider aftercare in your private and personal sex life. Here are a few things to do after sex, that can help improve your experience:

-   **Pee after sex.** One of the first rules of sex, particularly for people with vulvas, is that you should urinate after intercourse. During sex, bacteria can get into your urethra, the tube that carries urine out of your body, this raises your chances of infection, so when you pee after sex you flush those germs out!
-   **Clean yourself, but keep it simple.** A gentle wash or wipe to get rid of any germs or bacteria and washing your hands after sex, is all you really need. It's important to keep clean up simple to avoid upsetting the delicate Ph balance in your vagina (if you have a vagina) store bought sprays, creams, scented wipes and douches should be avoided, the vagina is a self cleaning organ and works better with just simple washing and drying. 
-   **Clean any sex toys used.** Apart from it being common sense to clean an object that has been inserted into any orifices, bacteria , viruses and fungi can hang around on sex toys after you're done with them. You don't want them rearing their ugly head next time you use your toys. A little warm water and gentle soap goes a long way.
-   **Think about getting tested.** If you're having sex with a new partner, consider having an STD screening afterward, these are often free at your local sexual health clinic and can give you piece of mind.**‍**
-   **Are you pregnant?** If you're pregnant having sex is perfectly fine, and even good for you! It can even help bring on labor if you are overdue! But you are more likely to get infections and UTIs during this time, therefore it is even more important to take care of the basics - pee after sex, wash your vulva, and drink more water - encourage your partner to do the same.

Aftercare

We all have certain kinks, fetishes or just things we want to experiment with in bed. Even though we know what we like, or what we want to try it can sometimes feel a bit awkward to bring this up with your partner. However, kinks are a normal part of sexuality and remember communication is sexy! Nevertheless, communication can be daunting sometimes, but not to worry we're here to help:

1.  First things first, make sure that you are confident in your kink. You need to be comfortable in what turns you on in order to communicate it calmly and without too many nerves. You don't want to repress your kink as this can lead to other difficulties down the line. However, if you feel super uncomfortable or for some reason ashamed by your kink then it might be important to speak to a therapist first to analyse why this is. 
2.  To bring up the topic, there's two possible good ways to do this. Firstly, maybe relate to a pop-culture reference, or something you've seen in the media, and ask if they've tried that or if they've thought about it, and take it from there. Or, after you have sex, you can casually ask if there's anything they want to try, and then bring up your kink. 
3.  Explain the kink to your partner. They might not know that much about it, so explain what it is, and what turns you on about it so that they can understand. And answer any questions that they may have. 
4.  Start slow. This doesn't mean you just get the whips our immediately. Take it slow. And go at a pace that works well for both you and your partner, especially if it might not be their kink, ease them into it, see that they are comfortable, and if they are uncomfortable communicate and don't push them. CONSENT! 
5.  Be mindful of your partner. You never know what experiences they've had before, good or bad so be kind and sensitive to that. Some people have had bad experiences with kinks, and ex partners, communicate with them, and discuss consent and your boundaries. 
6.  Also make sure that you listen to what your partner's kinks may be. Be open minded, and treat them with the same respect and kindness you'd want to be treated with. However, if your partner has a kink that you are not comfortable with or is against your boundaries, you need to make that clear do not do anything that you are not comfortable doing. 
7.  If your partner doesn't share your kink, that's fine! Sometimes people just won't be into the same stuff as you, we're all different. Think about how essential this kink is to you and evaluate the situation and relationship. If you feel like your kink is so vital then you might want to talk to someone about this.

In sum, even though it might feel nerve-racking to communicate your kink, just communicate, be open, be honest, and be mindful. Treat others how you want to be treated when they discuss their kink with you and always communicate consent and establish boundaries.

How to talk about your Kink 

Awww the notorious foot fetish. We've all heard about it, but how much do you really understand about foot fetishes?

#### What is it?

A foot fetish is where feet, tights, legs, socks, or shoes cause sexual arousal or urges in a person. The preference of feet varies depending on the individual. One can be turned on by just looking at feet, or by having a massage.

#### Why?

You might be thinking how come certain people have this particular fetish. There is not a lot of studies on fetishes, or why they arise. But there are a couple of theories. Freud believed that the foot fetish arouses because it is a 'penis substitute. Whereas, other researchers such as Vilayanur Ramachandran believe that the area in the brain which processes sensation of the feet is close to the area that leads to genital stimulation. So, that could definitely explain a possible connection for foot fetishes. Similarly, feet have a number of nerve endings and so is a spot of sensation, leading to possible arousal. In addition, a foot fetish can also be a part of the domination and submissive dynamic.

#### How common is it?

Foot fetishes are one of the more mainstream common kinks. It is definitely more talked about than armpit fetishes. However, it is important to note that just because someone has fantasied about feet doesn't always mean that they have a fetish. According to an article in [Men's health](https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a19523651/foot-fetish/) here is how common a foot fetish is:

-   5% of heterosexual women 
-   18% of heterosexual men 
-   11% lesbian and bisexual women 
-   21% of gay and bisexual men

#### Do you think you might have a foot fetish and want to experiment?

Well, if you think that you might have a foot fetish, there's nothing wrong with that! Just make sure that you have a discussion with your partner, and that you are both on the same page. Establish your boundaries and consent. After all, safety is sexy! Never pressure your partner into doing anything that they don't feel comfortable doing.

#### Some things you can do if you have a foot fetish:

1.  Foot selfies 
2.  Pedicures 
3.  Shoe play 
4.  Massage 
5.  Tickling 
6.  Toe sucking 
7.  Foot job 

‍

Foot Fetish Explained 

There are a couple of forms that an armpit fetish can take:

-   Firstly, some people like the taste and smell of armpits. Armpit fetishism is also referred to as maschalagnia. Many people with armpit fetishes express how they like the phereomone smell, are find their partner's odor attractive. If you think about it, it definitely makes sense why some people are attracted to this because the armpits don't just produce sweat and odor but also hormones. Indeed, when we are having sex, our armpit glands release odors. And our armpits release sweat when we experience a range of emotions, the glands respond to our emotional state including arousal. 
-   However, armpit fetishism isn't just about smell. Secondly, some people are attracted to the hair under the armpits. Some people are attracted to stubble or fully grown armpit hair. When it comes to women, the armpit hair has become a 'taboo' for some dumb reason. So, with this 'taboo' in mind, it can lead to an extra level of attraction for some. 
-   Thirdly, some people like to actually penetrate the area between the armpit and arm. But, if you're into that, make sure that you lubricate beforehand, and of course, that you're partner has consented and into it too!

If you think that armpits is something you'd be into, make sure you do your research and always discuss first with your partner, to establish clear consent and boundaries. And always grab the lube!

Armpit Fetish Explained 

So, you might be thinking what is a chastity belt. Well, it's basically a locking item of clothing designed to prevent sexual intercourse or masturbation. If you often go on porn sites, then you've probably come across some fetish videos that contain chasity belts. The thing is, chasity belts are actually quite historically interesting, as they have been around since the 15th century. There's a bit of speculation on why they were used, but some say it was to stop wives from cheating. Nowadays, they are used for both people with vaginas and penises as a fetish.

#### What is a chasity belt fetish?

This consits of locking up yourself or your partner in a chasity belt. Consensually of course! Always make sure that you talk to your partner first, and establish your boundaries and your safe word. People can find this very arousing, particularly in the BDSM community. It's a way to express power, dominance and control. They are a form of orgasm control and denial. Some people will use role play whilst using the devise.

The chasity kink takes a number of forms. It could consist of just foreplay where the person wears the device for a short period of time, or they might wear it for even a couple of hours, days or weeks, giving their partner the key. These devices can be for people with vaginas or penises. A lot of people who are subs, might enjoy the chasity belt kink and its a great way of breaking gender norms and a new way to experience pleasure.

#### Where do you get one? And what are they like?

Some chastity belts will be made out of silicone whereas, others will be made out of steel. Steel tends to be a lot more hygienic. Always remember to clean your chastity belt before and after using it! The belt will most likely have a padlock and your partner holds the key. Certain belts might even have butt plugs. 

####\
Chasity belt for people with penises:

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Chasity belt for people with vaginas: 

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Chasity Belt Kink

#### What is stigmatophilia?

It is a sexual fetish in which people find piercings and tattoos attractive. This term can be used for people who are turned on by their own piercings/tattoos or (and as well as) another person's piercings/tattoos.

They like to look at, feel and touch the skin where the piercing and tattoo is. Basically it means that one is more attracted and more aroused to another person with piercings and tattoos. Indeed, stigmatophilia is a type of fetish, similar to the arousal that you might get from lingerie or feet. But stigmatophilia is a lot more than just being attracted to someone, it's about the arousal that depends on the object, and it enhances the sexual experience. One can in particular be attracted to piercings or tattoos in the erogenous zones. Some people can even find the piercing or tattoo process arousing due to the feeling of being penetrated with a needle.

If you think that you get turned on by the idea of genital and nipple piercings, and might want to try it, first take some time to think about it before proceeding. Do your research before getting any piercing, and make sure that you know all the safety and health precautions to take. An important thing to also consider is the healing time of the piercing. For example, a belly button piercing can take up to 9 months to heal, so it's quite the commitment! So, you'll want to make sure that you are up for that. Try not to pierce anything yourself, for safety and health reasons always go to a professional.

Stigmatophilia explained 

#### What is wax play?

Wax play involves dripping candle wax onto yourself or your partner. It's basically a type of temperature play. Wax play is very prominent in power play and BDSM. But, wax play is something you can experiment with even if you're not into BDSM.

#### Safety first:

First things first, wax obviously involves fire. Therefore, if you are going to engage in wax play safety is your best friend. So, make sure that you inform yourself about all the safety requirements.

1.  Have a cloth, water and a first aid kit nearby, just in case
2.  Even have a fire extinguisher within reach
3.  Be sure to give aftercare to your partner, give them a cuddle, and help them remove the wax.
4.  Research before you start. You can do workshops or read lots of articles to learn more.
5.  Try using a plastic cover to protect your sheets or furniture. 
6.  You might want to keep in mind, that wax can pull off your hair once it's hardened. Some people might like that, other's not. So, if you are the latter then make sure you shave or wax beforehand! 
7.  Always check the candles ingredients to make sure they don't contain anything that you are allergic to.
8.  Avoid candles made of beeswax as these burn hotter.

#### How to engage in wax play:

1.  Put massage oil or lotion on your skin before starting. 
2.  If it's your first time with wax play, then you might want to start off with a massage candle, which is a bit softer, and then eventually move into a full wax candle. Try a soy or paraffin candle, as they don't burn too hot. 
3.  After you've picked your candle it's time to set up the scene (safety wise, not sexy wise). Clear your room of anything flammable such as alcohol and have a bucket of water and fire extinguisher at hand. Remember, safety is sexy! 
4.  Talk to your partner about their pain tolerance. Test the wax first on your partner's wrist, so they can see what feels good and what doesn't, and stay in communication with your partner, always have the safe word picked out before engaging in wax play. 
5.  If the wax becomes uncomfortable immediately tell your partner. 
6.  Don't forget about aftercare. Cuddle and comfort your partner, and help them to clear the wax. Try using a wet towel to get the wax off, and then have a shower and gentle clean your body. 

‍

#### Candle recommendations:

Lelo Soy massage candle 

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Wax play pitcher candle

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Slow burning, play massage oil

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Low temperature wax play candles

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Wax Play Explained

#### What is latex?

Latex is a natural, renewable material derived from the rubber tree. You can get latex catsuits, gloves, masks, underwear, you name it and it probably exists.

#### What is a latex fetish?

Latex fetish is a very common fetish, with its own active community. So, what exactly is a latex fetish? Well, a latex fetish is when a person either enjoys wearing latex or they are attracted to someone whose wearing latex. People can like the feel of latex on their skin, or the way that it makes them feel/look. Some people enjoy the tightness of the latex or it's a good expression of submission, domination or bondage. Certain people even find the smell of latex a turn on!

#### Why?

If you yourself do not have a latex fetish then you may be wondering why some people do. Sadly, due to annoying 'taboo's there is very minimal research into fetishes. But it seems as though the reason for a latex fetish really depends on the person. Here are some of the reasons that people have said why they have a latex fetish (but not limited to):

1.  Layer of protection

For some people, wearing latex can make them feel empowered, as it makes them feel protected and strong. Latex also covers up any scars, blemishes, which makes some people feel a lot more comfortable when it comes to body confidence and sex. In addition, wearing full-body latex can add an element of mystery and sexual empowerment, making you feel like a 'seductive character'.

1.  Another layer of skin

Wearing tight latex has often been linked to having another layer of skin, as latex is smooth and elastic like. Some people associate latex with skin, and view it as a strong and youthful skin. It represents the ideal skin, making people attracted to it.

1.  Intensifies

Some people who participate in latex fetish find that it intensifies sensations during sex. It can make you feel more sensitive adding extra stimulation. Apparently latex can also intensify temperature play.

#### Tips:

Are you interested in trying out latex? Well there's a couple of safety tips you'll want to keep in mind, and make sure that you thoroughly research before trying. And most importantly talk to your partner!

-   You'll want to make sure that you do not have a latex allergy. That could get pretty unsexy real quick. 
-   Buy some nice high quality latex clothing.
-   Start slowly, don't go full out right away.

Latex Fetish Explained 

Nipples are cool. For some reason, some people try to censor the nipple, but Freyja's all about freeing that nip. So, let's talk about nipple play, an underestimated thing, because we've all grown up in a culture where we only think about the D and the V. Let's change that because sex is about the whole body experience. Keep in mind that all nipples are different but by asking yourself or your partner what you like and what feels good, you can have a pretty damn good time because nipples are a major erogenous zone.

So, how do you stimulate the nipple? There's a couple ways to do it.

1.  Once you're in the mood and in the zone, lightly touch circle the entire nipple/breast area Do this slowly and get closer and closer towards the nipple. Try to rub lightly in different directions over the nipple. The key is to build up the anticipation. This should make the nipples erect.
2.  Try a sweeping up and down motion. You can use the entire palm. 
3.  If their nipples are less sensitive, than try some light to hard pinching, ask your partner what feels good. 
4.  You can try lightly bitting or sucking the nipple (if they ask or want it)
5.  You may even want to try using ice as temperature play is always sexy. Once the nipples are erect you can experiment a bit with pinching, light bitting or twisting. Try to make it a full body experience! Don't just massage the nipples, but also your whole body. Caress the body and keep focusing on breathing. You can also stimulate the clitoris slightly. This should create a full body sensation. 
6.  There is also a 'rolling technique' you can use. You don't pinch but you grip the nipple and and roll it between your fingers. 
7.  Try adding in a feather.

It is important to note, that not everyone gets turned on by nipple play. Test it out, see if it works for you or not. If it works omg amazing. If it doesn't oh well, onto the next thing. But remember, only do what your partner is comfortable with and always ask and respect boundaries!

How to do Nipple play 

BDSM is often wrongly confused with abuse. But this confusion is made by people who do not understand what BDSM actually is. Thanks, a lot 50 Shades of Grey. However, that is not to say that abuse cannot come into BDSM.

So, how is BDSM different from abuse? There is one very LARGE big difference between BDSM and Abuse, and that is CONSENT. Consent is at the very heart of BDSM. You discuss your do's and don't with your partners before you engage in BDSM, and you also create a safe word which is ALWAYS listened to. Aftercare, where you also check-in with your partner after sex is also at the core of BDSM. Whereas, sexual abuse is none of these things. Abuse is a violation of consent. Therefore, if consent is violated than that is not BDSM, then it's abuse. There is no safe word when it comes to abuse.

Moreover, BDSM is about dominance, not aggression. These are two entirely separate things. If the dom is speaking to the sub in a certain way, or 'punishing' them in a certain way this is based upon a list of things that they have already CONSENSUALLY agreed upon. And if one person decides they don't want to do that anymore or have changed their minds, then they use their safe word and it stops.

Ultimately, BDSM is not abuse. It is a choice, and a desire. It is not done with aggression or hate. It is done with care, love and enjoyment. Pain is only a facet of BDSM. If a dom and a sub engage in pain play then under no circumstances would the dom go over the submissive's pain threshold.

When it comes to control, it really isn't the dom that's in control, if anything the sub is the person with more control as they have the ultimate say. This is the complete opposite from abuse.

Overall, BDSM and abuse are entirely different things. Consent, consent, consent! That's why BDSM is all about. Whereas, abuse is NOT consent.

What is the difference between BDSM and Sexual Abuse? 

Let’s face it, threesomes have the potential to be the most awkward thing ever. Someone’s gonna be the third wheel, someone might get jealous. Essentially, if not done properly a threesome can be hell.

But threesomes don't have to be awkward. Here's a couple tips on reducing awkwardness: 

First things first, make sure that you are actually attracted to the people.  Never have a threesome just because your partner is into this person but you're not. You all need to be attracted to each other! 

1.  Try to go on a date or hang out beforehand, this will ease you in and make things less awkward! 
2.  No drugs ... don't be that person, it's not gonna make you as sexy as you may think.
3.  Stay sober. Being too drunk will only make it sloppy, more emotional and dry. 
4.  Communicate. As with any type of sex, you got to communicate. Communication massively reduces awkwardness. Don't be afraid to say what you want, as you and everyone else will have a lot more fun. Likewise, if you're not comfortable with certain acts, then make that clear. It's perfectly fine to say no. 
5.  Bring in some sex toys. This reduces the chance of an awkward third wheel, as everyone has something to do. 
6.  Don't get jealous. You don't need to worry about being left out. No one needs a jealous person in a threesome, so don't be that person! 
7.  Don't expect it to be smooth. You'll probably have a couple laughs and mishaps. 
8.  Focus on pleasing everyone, don't just expect everyone to serve you! 
9.  Check in with everyone afterwards. Sometimes emotions can come afterwards or feelings of uncertainty, so as a rule of thumb it's good to check in.

How to have a less awkward threesome 

Some people have a desire to bind or confine another person or ask to be binded physically out of their own or their partner's own sexual enjoyment. Traditional Chinese and Japanese erotic art made reference to sexual bondage. Despite Confucianism's suppression, the bondage tradition persisted in Japan, where tied women continue to be a common motif in modern cinema and novel pornography1. 

For those who are interested in sexual bondage and related alternative sexual behaviors, people have established clubs and friendship networks in many different locations. Some of these organizations produce newsletters that include news, feature stories, and personal advertisements.It is well known that people in the B&D (bondage&dominance) community worry about safety, so safety workshops are also held at community gatherings.

Consent is a crucial aspect of any BDSM activity. It involves all participants freely and enthusiastically agreeing to engage in a specific activity. If performed improperly, bondage can be harmful. If a dominating initiator is not paying attention to the signs of a submissive recipient, restraints may block airways and blood arteries, harm nerves, and result in other types of harm. A safe phrase or symbol is frequently agreed upon by the parties.2

A few things that could go wrong:

Not being able to breath 
Circulation Impairment 
Falling 
Nerve damage 
Fainting 
Non-consensual activities.

And 10 GOLDEN RULES3 to make bondage safer:

Trust your rope partner. Try visiting a bondage class first! 
Discuss your limitations before each session.
Know your limits and use common sense.
If you don't have enough time, avoid playing with ropes.
If you are sleepy, intoxicated, or have a condition that makes it unsafe for you to bind or be tied, avoid engaging in bondage.
Ensure your partner receives the proper feedback on what to do and what not to do.
Unpleasant feelings are usually a sign that something is off. Inform your partner right away.
Don't leave your bondaged partner unattended.
Keep a pair of emergency scissors close by at all times.
Ensure that bondage is always a fun and good experience.

Some of the bondage training classes you could attend:
BDSM training academy in USA and Canada
BDSM online education
Shibari Academy
Shibari Study 

Resources that can help you with bondage safety issues:
Safety guidelines for bondage
Safety considerations
Nerve safety for rope bondage


References
Abramson, P. R., & Hayashi, H. (1984). Pornography in Japan: Cross-cultural and theoretical considerations. In Pornography and sexual aggression (pp. 173-183). Academic Press.
Ernulf, K. E., & Innala, S. M. (1995). Sexual bondage: A review and unobtrusive investigation. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 24, 631-654.
La quarta corda. Safety Guideliness for bondage. Retrieved 07.02.2023 from https://www.laquartacorda.it/en/safety-guidelines-for-bondage/. 

Bondage Safety Basics 

Consent

When we think about consent in our heads it seems simple, but then when we try to explain and understand consent it suddenly becomes difficult, and controversy fills the conversation. We all think that we know what it means. And when someone asks us, or we have to sit in a consent class, we all dismiss it as patronising, and unnecessary because we already know exactly what consent means.

However, explaining consent is one thing. But do we really understand consent? And so we really all practice consent? If you think that consent is a simple thing, then we have missed the point entirely, and you should brush up on your knowledge of consent. Because even though in theory consent should be a simple thing, it is not. If it was simple then we wouldn't repeatedly be having to have this conversation. In order to break this conversation down, we need to think about it in two parts:

1.  Why consent is hard to explain/understand  
2.  Why is consent hard to practice

First things first, let's define what consent in a sexual relationship actually is:

According to RAINN, 'consent is an agreement between participants to engage in sexual activity. Consent should be clearly and freely communicated. Consent cannot be given by individuals who are underage, intoxicated, or incapacitated by drugs or alcohol, or asleep or unconscious. If someone agrees to an activity under pressure of intimidation or threat, that isn't considered consent because it was not given freely. Unequal power dynamics, such as engaging in sexual activity with an employee or student, also mean that consent cannot be freely given.'

#### So, why is consent so challenging to explain/understand?

It should be noted that this is a very large conversation, and not one that can be given justice in a two-page article. There are lots of elements to this discussion. Consent is one of those things that we think we all know exactly what it is. But then when we are put on the spot and have to explain it, we miss something, or lack some knowledge. We all like to assume we know what consent means, and then we block ourselves off from learning the true meaning of consent.

From a legal perspective consent is pretty straightforward. It is a concept at the center of criminal law and sexual assault. But it can be challenging to develop a decent understanding about consent because there are so many myths and claims surrounding it, which in turn dilludes our understanding.

For example, when someone has been accused of harassment or assault, how many times have you heard them say 'it was 100% consensual'? But then they don't explain what that consent means. Or heard a reply about how it is a 'false accusation'. There's a lot of noise which takes away from our understanding of consent. Likewise, we often hear the defence of 'we can't tell' or 'we aren't mind readers. This also misses the point entirely.

Why is consent challenging in practice?

So, what does consent look like in practice? Sounds like a simple question, but a lot of people are confused about it. Indeed, in my own sex life whenever I've asked someone formally for consent, I've often been met with a weird reaction. Where they almost seem creeped out that I asked for consent. This is a good place to start. We need to normalise this. It is not weird to ask someone for consent, and it does not take away from the sexiness. People should be asking for consent. Just ask yourself, when was the last time you specifically asked someone: are you okay with this, do I have your consent? If you haven't done that in a while or you never had, then it's time to properly start practicing consent and not just think that you do. There is nothing patronising about starting a conversation about the importance of communication and of establishing boundaries within a sexual encounter or relationship.

Moreover, consent is ongoing, consent can change. And just because you consent to having sex does not mean you consent to deep throating or slapping. In addition, a lot of people do pressure their partner to do certain sexual acts, even if they do not realise it. For example, anal. But what people don't realise is that even the act of pressuring is coercion.  And yes, you may think, oh that's obvious. But then why is it such a problem? Clearly, there is a lack of understanding of consent be it consciously or subconsciously. And clearly, too many people subconsciously or consciously prioritize their pleasure over others feelings and this is intertwined with entitlement resulting in intentional or unintentional harm. Especially when it comes to 'pressuring into sexual acts'. What we need to do is start educating ourselves on the importance of consent and the importance of consensual, mutual and pleasurable sex.

How do we improve our understanding and practice of consent?

We've established the problem, but then how do we solve it? Well there's a couple ways that this can be done:

1.  Better sex education on consent in schools, universities and governments. We all need to put more pressure on these institutions in order for this to happen. We have to demand it in order to get a positive change. 
2.  More pleasure based sexual education.
3.  Normalise asking for consent. It is not unsexy to ask for consent, quite the reverse it is sexy!
4.  Have a discussion. Talk to your friends, talk to your family, talk to your partners about consent. Talking is what will normalise and help to solve this problem and create a better understanding for all. 
5.  Stop normalising drunk sex. 
6.  Learn how to read both verbal and nonverbal cues. 
7.  Read up on the basic guidelines of consent. 
8.  Know how to support and understand someone who has been sexually assaulted. 
9.  Produce and promote healthy pornography and characters in movies, who do not romantizise violence and unconsensual acts.

‍

Why is Consent So Hard to Understand? 

Consent. A simple and yet incredibly complex thing. When the topic comes up we often try to brush it to the side, claiming that we understand what consent is, and often feel patronized when someone tries to explain it to us.

I don't think that any of our issues is explaining what consent is, but we all do have a problem when it comes to understanding and practicing consent. And if you don't think that this is true, then you probably really need to brush up on your knowledge of consent. Regardless of whether you are a female, male or member of the LGBTQ+ community, all of us need to improve on our understanding and practice of consent.

#### What is consent?

Consent is a voluntary and clear agreement between participants to engage in specific sexual activity. Consent is clear, coherent and ongoing. There should be no grey area when it comes to consent. And consent can change at any time and does not cover every type of sexual act.

#### How and when should you ask for consent?

You must ask for consent before participating in sexual activity. You must also continually ask for consent during sex, and consent must be given for different sexual activities and practices. You must never guilt someone to pressure them into any type of sexual act. For example, if someone does not want to do anal sex, then you should not continually ask. No, means no. To continually ask for pressure is coercion.

You should just ask your partner what they are comfortable with and what they are not. Use this time to also have an open conversation about your boundaries and preferences. Remember, consent is ongoing!

#### Things to ask check when asking for consent:

-   **Coherent -** the people participating in sexual activity all must be capable of giving consent. They must not be intoxicated, or on drugs. They must be awake and conscious. 
-   **Willing**. Consent must be willing and voluntary. You should not pressure someone to have sex and hope that a no turns into a yes. That is coercion. You should never pressure anyone to do anything that they do not want to do. 
-   **Clear**. Consent must be clear. Your partner must be enthusiastic to engage in sexual activity. Has your partner given verbal consent? Are they silent? Never assume that you have consent, always ask.
-   **Ongoing.** Consent doesn't just happen once. Consent is ongoing. You need consent for every single sexual act.

#### Reading verbal and nonverbal cues:

Consent can be shown both verbally and nonverbally. That's why it is important that you are able to read both types of cues. If someone verbally DOES NOT consent it may (but is not limited) to the following:

1.  No 
2.  I do not want to 
3.  I'm not sure
4.  I don't know 
5.  Stop 
6.  But ...
7.  That makes me uncomfortable 
8.  I don't want to do this anymore 
9.  This doesn't feel right
10. This feels wrong 
11. Changing the subject

If your partner is nonverbally showing that they DO NOT want to have sex it may (but is not limited) to looking like this:

1.  Pushing you away 
2.  Pulling away 
3.  Sharking their head 
4.  Being quiet 
5.  Crying 
6.  Not looking you in the eye 
7.  Not responding 
8.  Being motionless 
9.  Looking sad 
10. Looking scared
11. Not removing their own clothing.

If your partner appears to be doing any of the above then they have not consented. But remember, that is a limited list, and there are other ways that non-consent can be showcased both verbally and physically.

Understanding Verbal and Non-Verbal Consent 

#### Overview: 

A 2017 report about misogyny and sexual harassment from Harvard Gradate School of Education discovered that around 60% of young people never spoke to their parents about the importance of not continuing to ask someone to have sex after they had said no. Likewise, just under 60% of young people did not speak to their parents about the importance of not having sex with someone who is intoxicated or impaired to make decisions about sex. Consent can be a tricky concept for children and teens to wrap their heads around. Children and teens may not always understand it and can put themselves in tricky situations due to a lack of understanding. That is why it is vital as a parent to teach your children about consent from an early age. This will help consent to become engrained in them so that they can say no, and understand no. 

#### The Basics:

The easier and most effective way to give kids a solid foundation when it comes to consent in their early years is to re-enforce some basic principles. 

-   Permission 
-   Empathy 
-   Compassion 
-   Boundaries 
-   Get children to wash themselves to increase body awareness 

#### Permissions: 

From a very young age, one of the most important principles to reenforce when it comes to consent is the idea of permission. Children should be encouraged to ask before touching each other and respect others when they don't want to be touched. It is also good practice to ensure that you maintain firm boundaries with your kids in regard to other matters. Consent does not function uniquely in regard to body content and sexual matters, it is an overarching mindset that effects ones whole life. It is good practice not to let your kids disobey you when you instruct them not to do something as this may lead to belief that authority can be overridden. 

#### Empathy: 

Encouraging your child to think about feelings of others is anther sure fire way to make sure that they think about consent. Ask them how they think their actions make others feel, especially after a disagreement. Another good way to get kids thinking about empathy is to think about facial expressions. Getting children to begin reading body language at a young age is a great way to re-enforce their feelings towards one another. 

‍

#### Compassion: 

Teach your children to look after and care for others who are in trouble. Always praise your child for helping others. Encourage your child to be aware of others and their feelings and notice when people are upset and try and make a positive impact. You might want to show examples of times when people should be helped and set a good example that way. However, it is also important to note that adults should not ask children to help them with things. Adults should only ask other adults to do serious things. 



#### Control: 

Teach your child that they have control over their own body and that no-one ever has the right to tell them what to do or touch. A child should never be forced to hug, touch or kiss anybody for any reason. Another way in which parents can start to help very young children take control of their own bodies is by encouraging them to wash their own genitals. It is good to show children that their private parts are private and should only be touched by them. Finally, think about giving your child control over the way they speak about their body. Encourage them to talk about their private parts by referring to their actual names. 

‍


‍

Teaching Consent 

Consent Quiz 

Stopping Bystanders 

Pleasure

I once heard the quote ‘the best sex is in the mind at first’ and it resonated with me. Have you ever been away from your partner /lover/ fuck buddy and, knowing you are going to see each other, began sending messages describing the lust you have for each other, what you want to do to each other, how hot the sex is gonna be… you start to imagine the ripping of clothes, their breath on your skin, the moments leading up to sex… like I said ‘the best sex is in the mind at first’.

These messages, these thoughts, this is all foreplay, and foreplay is one of, if not the most, important part of pleasure based sex. So here are a few pointers on how to have the perfect foreplay, which will lead to perfect sex!

* **Hygiene first** It is nice to be clean for yourself and your partner before you engage in any sort of sexual practice!
* **Kiss everywhere** By this I mean everywhere on the body and everywhere in your environment, why leave everything in the bedroom - take it to the sofa, the kitchen, the bathroom, the car, the cinema, the restaurant. Sex can start anywhere.
* **Talk to your lover**. Tell them what you want, what you want them to do, what you want to do to them, whisper it in their ear while you breath on their neck. Trust me. Subtle touching for impact. 
* **Gentle stroking**, a finger on the inner thigh, a hand resting on a crotch, very subtle rubbing. Make your lover ache for you. You want to be as wet or as hard as possible before the sex starts. Get to the point where you can’t take it anymore. 
* **Striptease each other**. Take your time removing clothes, tease each other, make the moment last longer. 
* **Toys can be your friends**. Why not start off with a little bit of toy play, light BDSM (if that is something you're into) like silk ties and blindfolds can be fun (if all are happy and consenting and safe) vibrators, dildos and plugs can also make for nice intros and teasing each other ready for the show, or even instead of penetrative sex! Remember that the outcome doesn’t ALWAYS need to be penetrative sex.

Make sure you are both at the same place before you start. It is easy to get carried away so it always important to check you and your partner are on the same page with ANYTHING sexual. Remember that consent comes first and anything less than a ‘yes’ is a ‘no’... also remember that consent can change at any time.

Foreplay 

Condoms are probably the first form of contraception you learn about, they are these wonderful little things that come in all shapes, sizes, colours, flavours and materials with the sole purpose of preventing pregnancy and STD transmission. Whilst I can't say I've met anyone who says they are their favourite form of protection, an important one they are. Particularly with a new or casual partner, who's sexual history and activity you might not be fully aware of.

So how do we use them? Seems simple really, but it is important that they are put on correctly -

-   As with all sex based activity let's just start by making sure everyone involved is a consenting adult, got it? Got it. Ok.
-   Now let's make sure we've picked the right condom for the penises involved, and please don't take notice of anyone that tells you they are TOO BIG to wear a condom. These things are made to accommodate all sizes. 
-   Take note of any allergies you or your partner may have to certain materials or spermicides, an allergy to latex is not uncommon. There are alternatives.
-   using clean hands, remove the packaging being extra careful not to snag or tear the condom in the process
-   Make sure the penis is HARD before applying, ever tried thumbing a soft one in? It's about as pleasureless and pointless as it sounds. 
-   Place the still rolled condom over the head of the penis and using two fingers gently roll the condom to the base of the penis. This is important, don't leave it half way, this will be uncomfortable and it could come off.
-   Quick check for any snags or tears, squirt on your choice of lube and get going.

‍

How to put a Condom on 

As someone that has spent the best part of a decade fucking on film, I can safely say that the porn you watch is NOTHING like the porn we film. The perception of the Pornstar is that we are always horny, a complete nympho, we LOVE IT all the time, in every position. And if you believe that ? Well I've done my job! But porn is not real sex, and whilst I enjoy sex in my private life, it is very different to the sex I have on screen. It is so important that we learn that porn is for entertainment purposes only and stop taking our sex education straight from the library of your favourite performer.

Here are a few fundamental differences between porn sex and real sex...

-   **Just because you don't see it doesn't mean we didn't consent.** We give it, before during and after the scene, we sign extensive contracts, show IDs and sexual health certificates and discuss our dos and don'ts with each other. The director will also be looking to check in during the scene if they think something isn't right (if they are a good director) So when you're choking and smacking the girl you just started dating, have a think, did she consent to this? Does she even like this? Consent should be the first rule in every sexual practice both on and off screen.
-   **Porn is fucking for someone else, sex is fucking for you When we go to work we have on objective.... To get YOU, the viewer, off**. There is no point us having a good time if you can't see jack shit and you aren't enjoying it, then what would be the point. 9 times out of 10 sex in porn is pretty pleasureless, we have to open for the camera, we have to look amazing, and we have to put on a good show. Sex at home is close and intimate, without a sweating bald guy resting a camera on your shoulder to get closer to the action.
-   **Safety first When was your last STD check?** Bet you don't remember... porn is all about safety for us the performer, so whilst its common for people to assume we are dirty and 'riddled' with STDs, the truth is we have professional sexual health certificates covering everything from HIV to syphilis to chlamydia, these are done every 10-14 days and MUST be presented on set and photographed along with your legal photo IDs, before the shoot takes place. It's all business, baby!
-   **The porn box.** This is one of the least sexy things you will ever see, baby wipes, 10 different lubes, vaginal and anal douches, butt plugs and toys, condoms. The porn box is the directors box to make sure the scene goes smoothly, there is no accidents, everyone is clean and 'open' - the porn box however, is a good thing to have at home, in a bedroom drawer, it's good to be safe, clean and prepared. Sometimes the things we do on set make me wonder how sanitary my at home sex life actually is!
-   **Cleanliness** is next to godliness Following the porn box is our own cleanliness, before a shoot we shower, we shave, we spray deodarant and perfume, we brush our teeth and we use mouth wash, we want to look good and smell good for our partner, even if it is just work. **‍**
-   **Porn is a job**Finally, the most important of the lot, porn is a business, a job, we are there to have sex and get paid. There is no awkwardness, no intimacy, no surprises - we sign contracts, we have catering, we baby wipe in between takes and there are 30 people on set sometimes. It is a job, porn sex and real sex are incomparable, because of this. So don't try this at home!

Porn vs Real Sex

It is excruciatingly unfair, as someone that bleeds for a week of every month, to find myself the most horny during this time, but why have we drawn an imaginery line between our period and sex, why can't we have sex on our period? The answer is, we absolutely can. At some point in recent history, someone decided that having sex on your period was not the done thing, and from then it became something outside the social norm to admit you do it. But sex on your period can be as incredible, if not more so, then sex when you aren't menstruating. Here are some tips for having sex on your period...

-   First and foremost, let us reset, there is nothing wrong with our period, it is our body working and doing what it is meant to do, unless you are someone that goes weak at the sight of blood, don't let the red stuff bother you, it is completely natural and healthy. 
-   Talk to your partner about any worries or doubts, you are in this together, on the other hand talk to your partner if it is something you really want to try so that you can agree on it together.
-   Dark coloured sheets are a must, as even with a good stain remover, blood on white sheets is always going to hang around for a good while. You can also lay down a towel, but I personally find that a bit sterile for sex. 
-   Try something more animalistic - the shower (no clean up required) a kitchen surface (mmm wipe clean and make dinner straight after) the garden (alfresco sex is a true turn on)
-   Keep wet wipes close to hand for the aftermath clean up
-   Remember to remove a tampon if you have one in!

#### There are many benefits to having sex on your period, a shortened list includes:

-   Relief from period cramps. Orgasms contract the muscles around your uterus and can help relieve any uncomfortable cramping. 
-   Feel good factor! Let's face it, we MAINLY feel crap on our periods and sex triggers endorphins, which make you feel good!
-   Shorter period. The muscle contractions from orgasms help to push out the uterus content a little faster, resulting in shorter menstruation time.
-   Increased sex drive. As I mentioned above, we get unfairly horny during our period, it is only fair to see that it is taken care of. 
-   Headache relief. Sex is known to relieve headaches whether you are on your period or not, so all the more reason to get to it!
-   Natural lubricant! Need I say more!

One thing I get asked a lot is how we shoot porn on our periods, there are two answers to this, some performers choose to take a week off a month for themselves whilst they menstruate, whilst others don't want to miss out on a week's worth of work. In those cases, performers will use natural sponge, or sponge tampons in the shape of a ring, generally soaked in natural coconut oil and inserted inside their vagina, this then needs to be removed straight after the shoot to avoid it becoming a hazard. I would not personally recommend this method in your private sex life, it is not very comfortable or practical.

How to have sex on your period 

Anal play is often though to be taboo, it's not talked about enough, and it should be. Because great sex can be had when the anus is involved! It is however an acquired taste, so if your partner isn't feeling it, it might be best to table it for now.

We have talked at length about everything from safe anal sex to rimming and today we talk about anal fingering, a great addition to your sex life if done correctly.

- As always we start with consent, all parties must be fully consenting adults and it is important to remember and respect that consent can change at ANY time.

- Lubricant and condoms might be desired, particularly if you are with a new partner or there are more than two of you! Remember to use new condoms for each person and each body part. 

- Choose a lubricant and condom that fits for you and your body, remember that allergies may be present and be sensitive to each other's choices.

- Anal finger requires you to be gentle, long nails may be a little much as the rectal wall is delicate. 

- Douching beforehand is completely a personal preference but using warm clean water to cleanse your rectum before anal play can help you feel empty, open and more relaxed. It is also more hygienic.

- Start with one finger first, you can always use more or work up to toys or penises once you feel open

- Start gently and listen to your partners body and vocal cues to know if they would like more or less

- Anal fingering goes particularly well with oral sex and can make an orgasm a lot more intense and enjoyable!

How to Finger Anally

A hand job is one of the most underrated sexual practices if I'm honest, we do not use our hands enough in sex, hands are bloody great!

-   As always we must start out on how to advise with consent, everything requires all parties to be consenting adults. Remember that consent can change at any time. Respect your partner's wishes.
-   Be aware of any rings or sharp nails... even bracelets and watches can get in the way of a good hand job. Removing isn't always necessary, just an awareness 
-   Start gently, teasing with fingers and hands to coax the penis to get hard.
-   Hand job technique will be similar for both circumcised and uncircumcised penises, but the level of intensity may vary from person to person so check your partner's preference.
-   You might like to use spit or lube to make it easier to glide your hands up and down the penis
-   Don't be afraid to use two hands 
-   Building intensity as you go is usually a sure fire way to get a good orgasm but listen to your partner
-   Eye contact is a nice touch, I also enjoy kissing to add an extra level of intimacy to a hand job

How to Give a Handjob

Audio porn is the new trend, and a great way to up your masturbation game. There's a couple things that make audio porn so great. Firstly, we're all aware of the issues that can appear in mainstream pornography. And so, audio porn is a great way to consume pornography more ethically. Secondly, audio porn enables you to engage more with the content, and invest in the storyline. This is a much more personal experience between you and the narrator and enables you to tap more into your imagination. You can design the scene in your mind, you select the performers, the scenery, the outfits. It's a great creative way to engage more with erotic content and can apply and improve your own sex life. Lastly, you can listen to it anywhere! but maybe you shouldn't do that for obvious reasons. 

If you're looking to get into audio porn here are some suggestions to get you started! 

1.  [Dipsea](https://www.dipseastories.com/)
2.  [Quinn](https://www.tryquinn.com/)
3.  [Audio Desires](https://audiodesires.com/)
4.  [Literotica](https://www.literotica.com/c/audio-sex-stories)
5.  [Emjoy](https://www.letsemjoy.com/)
6.  [Vibease chat](https://apps.apple.com/gb/app/vibease-chat/id717135961)
7.  [The Orgasm Sound Library](https://orgasmsoundlibrary.com/)

What is Audio Porn? Why is it popular?  (and where to get it)

In large parts of society,  masturbation is still seen as 'disgusting', 'gross' and 'dirty'.  Masturbation, however, is a natural and healthy thing for all genders and sexual orientations to do. Just because you have a vagina, doesn't mean that you shouldn't masturbate! We all have sexual needs and enjoy sexual pleasure. 

Here are some tips on how to feel less embarrassed about masturbation: 

1.  Ask yourself why you feel embarrassed. Who told you to be embarrassed by this and why? 
2.  Be critical about why you were taught to believe that female masturbation is bad. Why is this bad for women but okay for men?
3.  Talk about masturbation with your female friends or friends with vaginas. 
4.  Remember that masturbation is a form of self-love and self-care.

#### Guide to successful masturbation:

Women and people with vaginas can reach an orgasm by stimulating their 'g-spot', clitoris, vaginal wall, urethra, cervia and labia. So, the golden question, where is the clitoris? If you're going to masturbate then you kind of need to know where this is. The clitoris is a small central point at the top of the vulva, shaped like a pearl where the two inner lips meet. It may look simple, but it's actually a very cool and complex structure! Whenever you're having an orgasm that is from the vaginal wall or G-spot it's actually stimulating part of the clitoris. In addition, some people can get an orgasm by stimulating their breasts, and anus, or by not even touching themselves at all. The best way to learn to reach an orgasm is to firstly, locate and understand the different parts of your body.

#### Tips for masturbation:

1.  Get in the mood. Make sure that you're comfortable. Try turning the lights low or down and maybe playing some relaxing music. 
2.  Fantasize - let your mind wander. Think about something or someone that turns you on and imagine different scenarios/situations that really get you going! 
3.  Use lube! This will make for a much smoother and pleasurable session. 
4.  Take your time. Play around a bit and discover what suits your body the most. 
5.  If you want a clitorial orgasm try massaging the fleshy area and the inner lips of your vulva. 
6.  Stroke the clitoris through the hood. 
7.  Increase the massage speed. 
8.  Massage your vaginal opening and insert a finger(s) or toys. Firstly, make sure that you are wet or lubricated.
9.  Move your fingers or toys circularly in and out and try a variety of motions, this should stimulate your g-spot. 
10. Try a sex toy 
11. Try some erotica. Preferably Freyja erotica!

The moral of the story is that you should never feel ashamed of masturbating. It's a perfectly natural, healthy and fun thing to do. Not to mention, orgasms reduce stress and keep you looking young!

Vulva guide to masturbation

If you've never had period sex before, it can feel a bit overwhelming to think about. Period sex may raise some logisitical questions, but there is no scientific evidence that suggests that having period sex is harmful. Some people may prefer not to have sex on their periods, whilst others do. Either way, your feelings are perfectly normal and justified. Period sex can be messy but it can also be great. Some people may experience a surge in their libido and some people may experience more intense orgasms whilst on their period. There are also rumours that period sex and reduce menstrual cramps as when you orgasm your pelvic muscles contract and release, which can help alleviate cramping. 

If you do wish to have sex on your period, but need a couple tips we've got you covered with our do's and don'ts of period sex!

#### Do: 

‍

-   Remove any tampons before having sex. A forgotten tampon could get pushed further into the vagina and could lead to an infection. 
-   Pre-plan! You may want to place some towels on the bed and save your sheets. This will make you feel more comfortable about not causing too large a mess, and will make the clean up easier. Make sure to have some towels and tissues at the ready!
-   Stick to light days. If you're going to have sex whilst on your period, it's best to do this when your flow is lighter. However, if a heavier flow isn't uncomfortable for you or your partner then go for it. 
-   Start with a missionary position. This position can lessen the blood flow as you are on your back. 
-   Spooning and side by side are also good positions and will reduce the mess. 
-   If you love going on top, have an extra towel at hand. 
-   Try shower sex. The constant flow of water will wash away the blood and so there will be less of a clean up afterwards. 
-   You could have a tampon in or menstrual cup if you want to have oral sex. But this is optional and not for everyone. 
-   If you are too worried about creating a mess, then you and your partner can mutually masturbate instead or even have anal sex if that is something that you are comfortable with. Sex isn't just about penetration! 
-   If you accidentally stain your sheets, you can remove them with cold water and a stain remover. 
-   Communicate with your partner! Ask what is most comfortable for them and vice versa. Start the communication before sex and keep it going during and after sex. 

#### Don't: 

-   Do not assume that just because you are on your period you can't get pregnant, this is still possible. The same goes for STDs you can still get one on your period. so make sure to use birth control or another form of protection. 
-   Don't go too deep. The cervix is lower and more sensitive when menstruating.  
-   Even though oral sex is perfectly safe whilst on your period, you may want to avoid it if you don't want a mess or if your partner isn't entirely comfortable with this. 
-   Don't always assume that you are lubricated because of your period. If you've just removed a tampon this can reduce the lubrication in your vagina, so you may want to get some extra lube if this is the case.
-   Do not keep period products in whilst having sex.

The do’s and don’t's of period sex 

Let's face it, we've all faked it at one time or another ... well, maybe lots of times! Sometimes it's a good way to make shit sex end faster, or other times it's done out of nerves or expectations. However, it's a habit we really have to get out of. Here's why: 

1.  It's also about you! Sex isn't just about making your partner feel good, it's also about you. 
2.  The more you fake it, the harder it gets to actually have an orgasm! Faking it can lead to you disconnecting with your body and perceptions, making it a hell of a lot more challenging to actually cum. 
3.  You won't feel as close to your partner. Having an orgasm can make you bond more with your partner, and that's definitely something that you don't want to miss out on.
4.  Constantly faking an orgasm will remove a layer of trust between you and your partner.
5.  People know if you're faking it. 
6.  Faking an orgasm can lead to hurt feelings and arguments. 
7.  You'll make your sex life worse. This will only make your partner repeat things you might not like. 
8.  Orgasms reduce stress! So why would you want to miss out on that? 
9.  Faking orgasms only fuels the patriarchy and ego. 
10. You're just wasting your acting skills.

If you're struggling to get an orgasm, maybe try to bring some toys into the mix, or ask one of our performers for sex advice!

Why you shouldn't fake an orgasm

At Freyja, our motto is safety is sexy! Lube is an essential product in the bedroom. So, what better way to make safety even sexier by adding sustainability into the mix! Sustainable and eco-friendly lube is the way to go, and the way to show your partner that you care about the future! 

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Sustainable/Eco-Friendly Lube 

Have you ever wondered if your sex toys are sustainable? Well, let's face it. Sex toys are not the most enviromentally things as they are made from plastic or rubber toxins, making them a recycling nightmare. Secondly, you can't exactly sell a sex toy second hand, and if you do well that's just disgusting. But, not to worry if you want to be horny and sustainable, there's a way. Here is a list of eco-friendly and sustainable sex toys:

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Sustainable Sex Toys 

#### The Basics

Cleaning and properly storing your sex toys is super important. By properly cleaning your sex toys you can help prevent infections. And yes, STIs can spread through sex toys!You should wash your toys regularly, and by regularly we mean every time you use them. When you buy a toy you should find out what material it is made from and how it should be cleaned. There should be an information leaflet that comes with the toy. In addition, you should try to avoid poroustoys as they can gather bacteria inside the toy even after cleaning. Non-porous toys are much safer to use.

When using toys communally you should be using protection. This is as placing a condom on a sex toy will reduce your risk infection. 

#### The Do's and Don'ts

Cleaning toys is super easy. Here are some basic dos and don'ts:

**Do **clean your toys before and after you use them

**Do** use a sex toy cleaner - the cleaner the sexier

**Do **remove any sex toy batteries and close the battery compartment tightly before you clean the toy

‍**Do not** put your sex toys away before they are entirely dry

**Do not** leave your sex toys on a radiator

**Do not** store your freshly cleaned toys together.

#### Cleaning different materials

**Porous materials**

You can clean porous materials with soap and water or a toy cleaner. After you have washed your toy let it air and dry before you place it back into storage. Porous toys have small holes/pores where bacteria can live so keep this in mind. It's probably better to keep porous toys to yourself and not to share them. Or if you do share them us a condom on them.

**Nonporous toys**

Nonporous toys are silicone, glass, or steel toys. These can be cleaned with liquid soap or a cleaner for toys. Then you can air dry them. If the toy is non-motorized or non vibrating then you can put them in boiling water to clean thoroughly.

You should place it in boiling water for around 8-10 minutes or run it through the dishwasher without soap.

#### Cleaning different types of toys

**Vibrator**

For motorised toys like vibrators, you want to be careful not to create water damage that will stop your toy from working. The trick is to use sex toy cleaner or soap. You can use a damp cloth to wipe the sex toy clean, without submerging it in water.

**Dildo**

If your dildo is motorised (i.e. it uses batteries or is chargeable), then the same vibrator rules apply: don't submerge your toy in water and just wipe it clean. For non-motorised dildos made out of a non-porous material, like silicone, stainless steel, stone or Pyrex glass, you can submerge your toy in water to properly clean it.

**Anal Sex toys**

Cleaning anal sex toys might feel like it requires a more complex routine than other sex toys which are used in the vagina, on the penis or elsewhere. However, you can clean anal sex toys using the same technique as your other toys: with warm water and a sex toy cleaner or mild soap. Just avoid submerging motorised anal toys.

**Butt Plug**

The same goes for butt plugs: you can clean these little pocket rockets just as you would any other sex toy, using either a sex toy cleaner or soap. Again, if it's motorised, steer clear of submerging it in water.

**Flesh lights**

Realistic-feel sex toys are made from a mix of (usually trademarked) materials that are formulated to feel as close to real skin as possible. For realistic-feel sex toys, there's one extra step to take in order to keep them feeling soft instead of sticky. You'll need to use a renewer powder.

#### Storing sex toys

A vital part of keeping your sex toys clean is how you store them. You should store them in a silk bag to protect them from bacteria. You can also keep it in the bag or box that the toy came in. Below is a chart for how different toys/materials should best be stored:

<style>
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padding:5px;
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th {background-color: #fe597e;}
tr:nth-child(odd) {background-color: #fe597e80;}
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<table style="text-align:left;width:100%;">
  <tr>
    <th>material</th>
    <th>where to store</th>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <td>ABS Plastic</td>
    <td>In a lint-free fabrig bag</td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <td>Crystal, stone, wood, glass, pyrex</td>
    <td>lint-free fabrig bag or padded container</td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <td>silicone, stainless steel</td>
    <td>Any clean container</td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <td>jelly, rubber, elastomer, latex, cyberskin</td>
    <td>individually in a lint-free bag</td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <td>leather</td>
    <td>store in a cool, dryplace and not in plastic</td>
  </tr>
</table>

#### Sex toys and STDs

Yes, you can get an STI from a sex toy. This will happen if you've been sharing your sex toys and not properly been cleaning them. If there's blood, semen, pre-cum, vaginal secretion, or any other bodily fluid touching the toy then it's possible to get an STI. You can also get bacterial vaginosis, yeast and UTIs transmitted to you via a toy.

If you are using anal toys your risk of infection is great. Through feaces, you can get hepatitis, parasites, intestinal amoebas, and other bacteria including Salmonella and E.coli. That's why it is so important that you clean all of your toys. So don't be lazy!

Remember, you can also spread the infection to yourself. If you have a bacterial infection and don't clean your sex toy you can just end up reinfecting yourself. The same applies to STIs.

So, the moral of the story is: don't be lazy, clean your sex toys after you use them, and clean them properly for the specific material. If you are sharing sex toys, use a condom. There's nothing sexy about an STI.

Sex Toy Hygiene

#### The basics

Sex toys are incredible! They are great to use by yourself or to experiment with a partner. However, it can be a challenge to know which one to get. But not to worry, we've got you covered! We'll explain what toys do what, and also give you some recommendations on which one's to buy.

‍

#### Dildos

Dildos are one of the more basic, but fun sex toys. It's definitely essential for anyone's collection. They are pretty easy to use and you can get them in different shapes and colours. You can choose if you'd prefer one with more length or width (or maybe both).  These are great for solo action or to use with a partner.

‍

#### Vibrators

Vibrators are incredible. We highly recommend these. You can get them in different shapes and sizes and different intensities. You can get rabbit vibrators, one's for your clit, , G-spot, p-spot, and many more! Vibrators are great for everyone and can be used solo or with a partner(s).

‍

#### Butt plugs

Butt plugs are a great toy. You can get them in small sizes, or bigger sizes. They gently stretch the anus and are great to use before, you, let's say go bigger. What's great about butt plugs is that they create a stimulating pressure feeling. It can feel very intense when you orgasm.

‍

#### Anal Beads

Anal beads are a string of plastic with metal or glass beads connected. These are great for beginners with anal play. You can use them alone or with others.

‍

#### Strap-Ons

Strap-ons are great for mixed and same-sex couples. It enables you to penetrate your partner. Strap-ons come in a variety. Look below to find recommendations and links which will help you pick the perfect strap-on.

‍

#### Cock Rings

A cock ring is a stretchy/flexible ring. It prevents blood flowing down to the penis. Therefore, it enables you to have a longer erection. You can wear them with lube and you can put them on when you are flaccid at the base of your penis. They aren't uncomfortable just cosy! You can also purchase vibrating cock rings.

‍

#### Fleshlights

A fleshlight is essentially a model of a vagina and great for male masturbation. This will give you a realistic sensation. Just make sure that you clean them properly!

‍

#### Clit suction Toys

These toys provide a very different sensation compared to vibrators. If you love oral sex, then this is the toy for you.
‍

#### Prostate Toys

The function of these toys is to provide direct sensation to the prostate. Some of these toys may vibrate. They're a great toy if you want to explore prostate play.


Freyja Sex Toy Guide

Sex Quiz

**<iframe style="border-radius:12px" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/episode/65LaY4x7CP4oGysH38qosc?utm_source=generator" width="100%" height="352" frameBorder="0" allowfullscreen="" allow="autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; fullscreen; picture-in-picture" loading="lazy"></iframe>**

Is my sex toy accessible? 

Pegging Quiz

Blowjob Quiz 

Fingering Quiz

Porn

Performer Treatment Behind the Scenes 

Why and how is porn racist? 

Rough Sex vs Sexual Abuse 

Pornography can be a great thing. Most of us have incredibly bad/inadequate sex education. For me, my sex education consisted of a video of a woman giving birth and then a girl passing out on our scary maths teacher, and if I’m being perfectly honest I still don’t know how to put a condom on. So, for me everything I learnt about sex was from pornography. I don’t remember how I first came across pornography, I don’t know if I explicitly searched for it or if I came across it. I think I googled the word orgasm which I heard at school, and wasn’t sure what it was. After watching porn for the first time I  remember googling what is the difference between sex and an orgasm. 



Anyways, from about 14 I already knew that I was bisexual. However, as a bisexual woman I’ve faced some issues with pornography. I think that it is fair and honest to say that  a lot of my sex education came from pornography, as my sex ed at school didn’t exist. However, my sex education when it comes to sleeping with women couldn’t be learnt from pornography in the same way. Now, before I go into the reasons for this, it is important to note that I am not anti-pornography, that would be kinda insane as the CEO of a sustainable adult entertainment platform. But as in any industry, there are a number of issues in the adult industry especially concerning some types of content, representation and the influence that it has on our ideas of sex. And that is something that we as users, companies and performers have to take in stride. I am also not trying to generalize, this is based solely on my experience growing up. So, here are the issues that I found when viewing lesbian pornography: 



Firstly, even though lesbian porn is one of the most popular categories out there, it isn’t made for lesbians and quite often it is not even made by lesbians. Rather, the porn itself is targeted towards men’s fantasies and is often unrealistic of actual lesbian sex. I had a big shock when I slept with a woman for the first time and thought that scissoring was actually a thing. So, in that regard due to who lesbian porn is targeted as I personally have found it less ‘educational’ or informative than heterosexual pornography. 



Secondly, another  thing in lesbian pornography is that it leads to a massive fetisation of lesbians, and threesomes. Now, what’s the problem with that you might be thinking? Well, it’s not that there’s an issue with non-lesbian or bi people consuming this content, it’s more an issue of this content is made for a fetish and not necessarily for members of that community. This then in turn has consequences in everyday life. I think that there is definitely a coincidence between this and men constantly wanting threesomes when they hear I’m bisexual. This sounds harmless at first, but comments like that have majorly effected me in my sexual identity and made me feel nervous and scared to even share the fact that I’m bisexual. So, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t consume LGBTQ+ content, I’m just saying that we all need to be a lot more aware about the effects that fetisiation can have, and that it’s not exactly always appropriate to assume that someone wants to have a threesome with you because you are a bisexual woman. 



I think that a way to reduce some of these issues, and to make the content better + healthier is that we need more content that is produced specifically for the LGBTQ+ community, and not for ‘men’ and their fantasies. I wish that growing up we had more performers who specifically tailored towards this community, and shared educational tips. But, I think that’s what’s great about the new private content model in the industry is you can search for those types of performers. Likewise, with the rise of social media it is definitely easier to find educational content, but it still needs to be more widespread, in schools and also porn companies, studios and performers need to think about the influence that fetisisation content can have on young LGBTQ+ people and their identities.



Learning about lesbian sex from porn 

One of the biggest misconceptions around adult actresses is our levels of body confidence. The assumption that, because we are naked and having sex on camera we must have high levels of body confidence, is a common but misguided assumption.



Like many people, women in particular, I am overly critical of my body based on unrealistic beauty standards that I have seen portrayed in the media throughout my life. These criticisms are then verified by my ‘skinny’ obsessed mother and global news outlets mocking and critiquing every celebrity with an ounce of fat on their bones.



When I started in porn it wasn’t because I just LOVED myself so much I felt the need to flaunt my body, it was a combination of not wanting to fall into the same depressing unpaid internships as all my fellow graduates and the natural progression from stripping, which gave me good money whilst removing my clothes.



What I didn’t realize was that my body confidence, already pretty low, would get lower the more porn I shot. Here is why:



Shooting every single day. On the one hand people may argue that I should be more body confident, being booked everyday clearly means that people want more of my content! It’s a huge compliment! But shooting everyday, for years, that means shooting on my period, when I have PMS, every single little weight loss and weight gain, boobs changing sizes, shooting one days I’ve eaten a lot, shooting on days I have hardly eaten, shooting in my early stages of pregnancy (I shot solo till I was 6 months pregnant), so every little tiny change in my body is documented for the world to see, so if I feel good one day and not so good the next, both will be documented on the internet. Forever.


Trains, planes and automobiles …. And 6am call times Long flights, long train rides, early call times, different time zones, getting off a plane and straight on to a set. The traveling that comes with shooting takes its toll on your mental and physical health, it also leads to things like snacking on sugary junk food because there's no time, or nothing else available, this can mess with weight, skin, hair and general self confidence.


Fans and their opinions. If you are in the public eye in ANY capacity, people will have an opinion of you, porn is no different. Though I know I shouldn’t read forums and pornhub comments… I do… I’m not the only one either! Some fans and consumers also feel the need to point out weight changes in performers, on their social media pages. If you are one of those people ask yourself ‘Why do I feel like this is necessary’ There is nothing helpful about commenting ‘You gained weight!’ or ‘You look too skinny, eat something’ whether intended good or bad, we are human beings with, often fragile, egos and feelings.


Comparison is the thief of joy. No matter how popular, how beautiful and how successful you are in the industry there is always going to be someone hotter, thinner, bigger boobed, more successful, making more money, shooting more movies, winning more awards… You cannot be the best at everything and you definitely can’t maintain that ‘best’ forever in this industry, its too fast paced and fickle. New girls start shooting every day. It is better not to compare yourself, but also impossible, especially as your career peaks at its highest high, you start looking around at girls creeping up behind you, getting bookings that you would have liked. It’s a long hard road to that zen master technique of not caring what other people do and what they look like.


Porn these days is thankfully, a lot more diverse than it was in the 80s and 90s with every race, gender and size of human being represented. Pubic hair and natural bodies are the now, which makes it much easier to celebrate your own body as a performer and as a consumer!

Body Confidence in Porn 

Porn satire scenario quiz 

   One morning,  I was scrolling on Instagram ( as you do) and I came across some news that a very famous porn actress and her husband announcing the birth of their first baby.  While the majority of the comments seemed to be positive comments from what it seems like close friends, loyal fans, or others in the industry, I  was horrified to discover some of  the negative, foul, disgusting ,derogatory comments that seem to be recurring whenever someone from the industry announces a pregnancy or a marriage. And this goes without saying, but another observation I picked up was that the more famous the performer was- the worse the comments were.  

 
 A lot of the comments as I mentioned before are recurring.  It’s always along the lines of “ That kid will commit suicide because of all the bullying at school.” “ I feel bad for the kid “ “Do you know who the father is?”   “ That kid has so many dads/ this baby has the DNA from so many men! “  “ Poor child/husband “ These are some of the tamer ones. 

 Not only are these comments disrespectful  (and that’s putting it lightly), but incredibly ignorant.  This is one of the only jobs that would receive comments  like this- many people have  had previous sexual partners prior to the one that fathers their child. The only difference? It wasn’t recorded on camera for people to see. But they're missing the point – being a porn actress is a job- that’s it . You are an ACTOR. It has no bearing on how good (or bad) of a parent you would be, or even what you might be like in real life. It’s irrelevant.  It’s about as ignorant as the theory that if a woman has sex with multiple partners she must be “loose down there”…. except no one would make that assumption had they only had sex with one partner, had a “ respectable “ job (in other words, Not in the adult industry) - even if he happened to have a huge dick.  

“Are you worried that your child might found out/ what will you tell them ?  

   I would be lying if this didn’t cross my mind when I found out I was pregnant. That’s because when I got into the industry, I was younger and I wasn’t even thinking about marriage or children –I  wasn’t someone who always knew if I even wanted kids and marriage in the first place . But that changed with age, and because I met the right person who is now my husband.  I have been retired from shooting mainstream for almost 4 years now, but I know that I will still get these questions. The reaction when I announced that I was pregnant  wasn’t nearly as bad as some of the more well known performers ,but that’s only because I was a smaller creator with a smaller following-the reactions would be the same if not worse if I was famous so In a way I’m glad I’m not. I am also, out of my own choice very private about my personal life.  It is a boundary I will not cross now that Its been a few years.  I live a pretty low key life with my family, I very rarely drink or go out .. some may say these days I’m pretty boring. But I’m sure those who don’t know me will assume I’m having multiple orgies , and always going out because of the industry I choose to be in( nothing wrong with that- I just got it out of my system at a young age I guess..). Ask me anything about my sexual history and fantasies  but my personal life  outside the industry and relationships I will never discuss on social media in detail , but that doesn’t mean that performers who do want to do that shouldn’t. I appreciate that they are open enough to share such a personal, vulnerable experience so publicly – and they do not deserve any of the negative comments they get for it.  So to go back to that question, of course I am worried ,because why should someone be bullied for something that had no part in?  But I intend to raise my child to  make their own  judgments ,talk openly and honestly  about sex when they are old enough,  and if they do make judgments it  should be based on  if they are a good   PERSON and how they treat others  rather than their profession. Being in the industry, enjoying sex, having unconventional relationships ( like polyamory for example) and being a good person/parent are NOT mutually exclusive. Being an actor in the adult industry is legal, we pay taxes, have call times ,protocols and have scripts like any other  job in entertainment, so why does this judgment happen ?  


Lack of sex education –  For most of us , we had very little to no sex education. A lot of it comes  from watching porn which of course can be extremely damaging- because its fantasy and it’s not real. Real life sex is not like that- it is entertainment and it should be treated as such. It’s very easy to blame porn and porn actors when people are missing the bigger picture. So of course, it’s very challenging for people to separate fantasy and reality because this issue is not talked about because it’s so taboo. If porn was mentioned in sex education (and explained that it is NOT sex education ) porn should only be consumed for entertainment purposes by those  of age  and should not be used as  a guide on how to have sex.  This is something we hope to change with Freyja.

Upbringing and culture- We live in a society that sex is taboo and should be kept private. A lot of us were taught that sex should only be with  someone you love, you need to be married, monogamous and straight.  (I can assure you I’m in a heterosexual marriage but I am still very much bi sexual)  While this should be respected If you have these beliefs, humans are  complicated and what works for one person won’t work for another. As long as no one is getting hurt in the process, all parties are of age and are able to consent, why should it be frowned upon?  You are allowed to live your life differently and respect other peoples choices too. If you don’t like it? Don’t do it. Simple. 


   The list goes on, but if I listed them all this will become a novel so  let’s stop here.  It’s inevitable that in life, we will all get judged at some point. No one is immune to that. But it’s time to stop this narrative that just because we were in this line of work in the past ( or currently) that we are automatically deemed unfit as parents, or able  do to anything else , like having a job outside of the industry in the future should we want to change paths. . With any job, especially this industry it’s  important to have a separation of business and personal life, especially with your  children- because you don’t want them to discover porn before they have had any form of GOOD sex education ,  or this vicious cycle and stigma will continue.

"Cute children, ugly truths: What are the typical reactions when someone who works in adult announces a pregnancy?"

![](https://image.mux.com/i6aOBSsBHJddgE00UCwgnkYJKhQUgj1OC/thumbnail.jpg)


The difference between porn and real sex

Are condoms required to shoot porn? Do you think condoms should be a requirement to shoot? Do you think performers should have a say?
In 2016, California, the porn capital of the world, issued a ballot proposition known as Proposition 60 which was a law that implemented condom use when filming pornography and failure to do so could result in potential prosecution. In addition,this would enable any California resident to sue and obtain personal information of the producers and actors, putting their safety at risk. Understandably, this is distressing to the those participating and producing the content, and if this law passes it would likely cost the state over 1 million dollars annually. The state and local governments were predicted to have lost millions of dollars in tax revenue per year if the whole industry were to have left the state,which would be likely if this law were to pass.
Ultimately ( and fortunately, depending on who you ask) , the law did not pass. But it almost did. 

So, the key question: Are condoms required to shoot porn? The short answer is no, if you’ve consumed porngraphy at any point , you will see that most porn actors are not wrapping it up
   
during shoots,hence why there is a strict testing protocol in place . That is not to say some production studios don’t enforce it, to cover their ass completely from legal action. Perhaps the main objection is that because porn is adult entertainment and fantasy, having a condom visible in movies may just make the fantasy seem too “real” for consumers. In addition, many actors' performance may be compromised if they were to use a condom every time they were to shoot, as well as some people having allergies to it. And let’s face it - no one really likes how they feel, it's more of a safety precaution that has to be enforced in order to protect yourself from STDS and pregnancy.
Although the majority of performers were very vocal about voting against Prop 60, there were some that were in favor. One of them was a former performer who had contracted HIV on set had voted in favor of prop 60, which raises the question- now that the law didn’t pass and productions require testing and unprotected sex, is it safe?
The 2 week testing method is a great way to ensure performer safety, but isn’t without flaws. One could test negative and have unprotected sex with an untested infected person the next day, and could potentionally pass it on to their coworkers. Unfortunately, this is an occupational hazard but a risk that a performer takes when in this job. This doesn’t happen often, and on the contrary to what people think-adult actors are still less likely to carry STDS than most people outside the industry that don’t test regularly, so we are still safer than most. The best way to tackle safety from STDS when in the industry is to be safe, honest and if you do happen to have a slip up- contact all your partners,and get tested and treated ASAP ! Even if it's before the required two weeks. And no sex with untested people- don’t put your peers at risk!
What do you think? Should condoms be legally enforced in porn? Do you think performers should have a say?



Porn and condom use 

Sex worker discrimination in therapy 

Is porn body positive, or am I watching the wrong video?

What you think about porn is a myth with Alix Lynx

What is VR Porn?

Trans experience in the adult industry 

You’ve probably read a lot online and on social media about how one should pay for their porn, in order to consume ‘ethically’. But this isn’t always as straightforward of an answer as some sites market it. 

Firstly, the term ‘ethical’ can be very problematic. The term ethical in itself is a philosophical debate, so marketing yourself as ‘ethical’ doesn’t actually technically make definitional sense. 
Secondly, the term ‘ethical’ has become a marketing term used by a lot of ‘just for women’ sites. But, just because something is labeled as ‘just for women’ or ‘ethical’, doesn’t often mean that it actually is. Especially, if they are licensing from various different studios, this can make it even more challenging to determine the ‘ethical’. In addition, if you do pay for your porn, I recommend subscribing or purchasing content from your favorite performers fan sites, rather than a multi-license platform as that’s the best way to ensure that the content is ‘ethical’ and directly supporting the performer. 

So, should you be paying for your porn? Yes, if you can, you should. And there are consumers who pay for their porn, be that to an individual site/studio or performer. However, we cannot ignore the fact that a large majority of consumers refuse to pay for their porn. Here are some reasons why people don’t want to pay for their porn: 

Data privacy
Doesn’t want it to show up on their credit card statement 
Can’t pay for themselves 
Taboo  

The list goes on. Many of us are aware of the reasons why people don’t want to pay for porn. And, ‘ethical’ female porn companies telling you it’s the same as a Netflix subscription, is just not going to fix that problem, and so it can’t be the only measure that we take to make porn consumption safer and more ethical. 

Here are a couple ways that you could consume porn a bit more ethically, if you can’t pay:  

Tweet your favorite performers, and ask them which studios they have enjoyed working for the most. 

A lot of what makes porn ethical, is not the tagline, or because ‘it’s for women’ (whatever that means), but the performer treatment behind the scenes. So, a site can’t tell you what’s ‘ethical’ only the performer can. So, by asking your favorite performers you can then search for those studios and scenes on tube sites. And that is a way to make sure that you are being more conscious about your consumption. 

Follow your favorite performers with free fan site subscriptions

If you can’t commit to a subscription, there are some performers who have free subscriptions. 

Overall, you really should pay for your porn if you can. And if you can pay, pay the performers on their fan sites directly to ensure the maximum most ethical content. But, if you can’t or don’t want to pay for your porn, at least ask performers what content has been the best experience for them to ensure more conscious consumption. 


How to consume porn ethically if you can't/won't pay

Intro:

Over the past 5 years, the adult entertainment industry has changed significantly. Ethical porn is becoming more important as to how content is produced as well as consumed. However, this discussion is usually centered around the studio system, for which resources on ethical standards can be widely found. So how can this be applied to fan sites, which have become one of the main sources of pornography?

What is a fan site?: 

In order to assess whether a fan site is ethical, we have to explain what a fan site is and how it works. Fan sites are essentially a social media site, where “fans” can either subscribe to creators for exclusive content and the ability to chat with them or make one-off payments for tips, (custom) content, or sexting sessions. The pricing varies greatly. Some performers charge a high subscription price; other performers charge no or a very low subscription and make money with individual content sales and sexting sessions. In either case, the fan site takes a 15-20% fee on all transactions executed on the platform. 
It is noteworthy that anyone can be a creator. The majority of sites do minimal to no screening. Anyone can sign up and post nudes. This is deeply problematic because it doesn’t limit the publication of harmful, abusive, and stolen material. Before fan sites were popular, studios were an important layer of safety and protection. They made sure that only age verified and consensual performers could be seen in pornogrpahy. If they didn’t they would quickly be shut down. This regulated element is missing on fan sites.


Why have fan sites become so popular?


For users: Fan sites are popular because it allows them to interact directly with a creator on a more personal level. Some users also like it because more money goes directly to the creator, and they have a larger input on what type of content is made and personalized. 

For creators: Fan sites give creators the opportunity to control what type of content they want to make, who they work with, how much they charge, if they want to delete content, and how much they want to make. It also lets them work on their schedule. Fan sites have been a great way for creators to gain control over their content and make money. 

What have been some of the major criticisms of fan sites?

One of the main reasons you may have previously heard of fan sites is due to complaints of harmful content, child abuse and the infamous bans on sex workers from said platforms. 
But underlying issues have an even bigger impact on creators and consumers alike. The most important ones are:
Discrimination towards sex workers
Lack of compliance, e.g. no ID checks or consent checks
Unclear or hypocritical guidelines 
Harmful content and lack of moderation 
Lack of support for creators and bad customer service 
The list goes on …


So, how do we determine how “ethical” a fan site is?


As consumers we need to be critically looking and asking questions about these sites and how they operate so we can form a well-rounded opinion. When thinking about which fan sites to use there are a number of things that need to be evaluated.


Does the platform unfairly discriminate against sex workers?


Some sites started with a fan site model but they were never intended for the adult industry. This is a huge problem because to be an adult site you have to follow certain regulations, have specific banking partners, the right payment gateway service, the right server, and the right investors. Otherwise, you can end up in a serious pickle and this can place sex workers in a vulnerable position. In addition, some fan sites make most of their profit from sex workers and then still discriminate against them, ban them, and place them into uncertain situations. 


Is the site compliant? 


Any adult site - fan site or not - needs to adhere to regulation that ensures the safety of performers and consumers. The most recent MasterCard guidelines published in October 2021, are some of the strictest guidelines so far published by any organization:
Document consent for all content
Review all content prior to upload
Deal with user reports within 7 days
React to content removal requests within a few days
Verify all performers with ID
If a platform fulfills these requirements, there is a high probability that it complies with all local and international law.
What are the guidelines?
Guidelines are a tricky thing, and are ever evolving. But there are definitely some sites that do a better job with their guidelines than others. As a creator or a user, always read the guidelines! Yes, no one likes to read the Terms and Conditions, but these are SUPER IMPORTANT. 
You will want to check if the site's guidelines are clear, if they are overly restrictive, or overly lenient. You will also want to check what their warning policy is for breaking certain guidelines, and see if they inform you properly when guidelines are changing. Do they also take your content down without proper explanation or warning? 

Another thing you want to check for is their policy towards third party content. Some sites allow you to just upload content with another performer with no questions asked (eeekkk), others will tell you to tag someone, and then if there’s an issue they’ll request your paperwork for consent. Now as a performer this isn’t great because firstly, you can see if someone’s tagged you but have no way to see in what. You will want to use a site where you can approve tags before they are posted. Not having to upload paperwork from the start of having a proper consent tagging system is also problematic as you never know when your paperwork will be called up and if it’s correct. 

Overall, check that the guidelines are fair, and safe, and that the company is responsive to moderation errors and mistakes. 

How are they moderating? 
We don’t often think about who moderates content and porn, but we probably should spend some more time thinking about it. Is the company mainly using AI? Are they using human moderators? Are they using a moderation company that provides moderators with mental health therapy? Are they transparent on how they moderate? 

A ‘good’ fan site should be using a mixture of AI and human moderation. Video AI is still not 100% brilliant, and so you’ll want your video content being moderated by a human to avoid unfair censors or bans. You will also want the fan site to have an appeal process for content that is taken down as there will always be AI and human moderation errors. Lastly, a ‘good’ fan site will be transparent about who they use for moderation, and the benefits/mental health assistance that these moderators receive. 

How is their customer service? 
How long does it take for a reply? 
Are they actually helpful? 
Do they listen to you? 

A ‘good’ site will have efficient and helpful customer service that actually listens to and helps their creators and users. A ‘bad’ one will have long wait times, robotic responses and not actually answer anyone’s questions. 

Overall, there are a lot of things to think about when using a fan site as a performer and consumer, and it’s not always the things that you may instantly think about. However, with a rapidly changing adult industry, and an increasing awareness of performer rights and ethical working conditions,  we need to thoroughly evaluate which fan sites we should be using. 


How to determine what fan sites are 'ethical' 

When thinking about the adult industry, people often forget that there are various different types of sites, and business models. So, here is a breakdown on the types of adult sites, and the business models that they use: 


** Tube sites: **
****
You are probably most familiar with tube sites. These are the ‘free’ porn sites, similar in style to that of YouTube, and arguably one of the most popular types of adult sites. This business model works on advertisement, as well as some users who will subscribe for ‘premium’ content. Some tube sites have an incredible amount of traffic, sometimes more than Twitter and Amazon combined. 


**Cam sites: 

Cam sites host live streams of content creators, where users can tip the content creators, and pay for private sessions as well as other on-camera acts. The cam sites then take a certain percentage of the creators earnings, as well as making money from advertisement. 



**Studio sites: **

Studios that you see on tube sites, also have their own individual websites to which you can directly purchase content, or a subscription. Their business model works on your individual purchases and subscriptions, as well as through licensing their content to other platforms/companies. 


**Fan sites:** 

Fan sites have become incredibly popular since 2020. These are hosting sites, where content creators have their own social media pages, to which you can either follow for free, or subscribe. On top of this you can purchase individual content or sexting from the creators. The platforms then take a percentage of the performers earnings, usually between 15-20%. Some fan sites might also work with advertising. 

**Subscription sites: **

These are sites that usually have licensed content from various different studios. They then make money by having users pay a monthly subscription fee. Often marketed as ‘ethical’ female only alternatives, which is part of a larger debatable topic. 
 



What is the difference between types of adult sites

Just like any other industry, the adult industry also has a number of conferences that take place every year. Sometimes working in the adult industry can feel a bit lonely, which is why these conferences can be great for a sense of community, networking, filming content, collaborations and more. If you are a new creator, we definitely recommend attending, and for most of these conferences tickets are free for creators. Here are some of the most popular conferences that take place each year: 

**AVN**

AVN stands for adult video network. At the beginning of January every year in Vegas they host the AVN expo and the AVN awards show. Think of it kind of like the porn oscars. This is one of the largest adult events of the year, and is definitely an experience. However, you should bear in mind that this event is open to fans which is a very different dynamic to events for just industry members. 

**Xbiz LA **

Xbiz hosts an industry conference in LA right after AVN. Xbiz events are great! These are for industry members only, and so it’s a great chance to network with companies, and to meet other performers in a fun and collaborative environment. They also host workshops for content creators covering topics like; how not to get banned on social media, and how to deal with catfishes’. We definitely recommend attending an Xbiz event. There is also an awards show to close off the conference. 

**Xbiz Expo **

After Xbiz LA, is the Xbiz expo, which is open to fans. It’s a great event for meeting famous performers

**Xbiz Miami **

Usually in May (but check online) is Xbiz Miami. This is a closed event to industry only. And like Xbiz LA is great for networking and collaborating. Great specifically for meeting American content creators, as well as a couple European companies. 

**Xbiz Berlin **

This is held usually in August in Berlin. It’s great for meeting more European performers and companies that you can collaborate/network with. It’s also held next door to KitKat which is always fun … They also host the Europa porn awards. 

**Venus **

Venus is usually held at the end of September/October in Berlin. Venus, is quite the event to say the least. Maybe bring some ear plugs, because it is like being in a nightclub for 4 days. The event is open to the public, so bear this in mind. The event is quite spectacular with live camming booths, and live shows. It’s definitely something to go and see, but always be careful in events with fans as this can change the dynamic. 


Did we miss one? Write us. 

Adult Conference Calendar/info 

If you ask someone to imagine the “typical” pornstar, they’ll probably describe a skinny blonde woman with fake boobs. We’ve all heard this millions of times. You’ll also read a lot in the media about how porn is not body representative and bad for people’s body confidence. 

I started to think  more about this topic last year, after I recorded a podcast with a body positivity activist. They claimed how porn is not body representative, but then when asking them questions about the industry, it turned out that they had never worked in it, hadn’t researched it and had never watched porn. And yet, they had a pretty strong opinion on how porn is bad for women’s body image. But then after speaking with her about the reality of the industry, her opinion changed. 

It is evident that the narrative around porn and body image has become skewed. I never fully understood why this was the narrative, because as someone who used to watch a lot of porn, I saw nothing but diversity in bodies. Video choices aside, I have also attended a lot of adult industry conferences, which has an incredible amount of body positivity. I remember being very impressed with this at the first Xbiz conference that I went to. And as someone who can be self-conscious about my own weight, it was probably the first environment I’ve ever been in where I felt like I could be comfortable with myself and my body image. So frankly, this narrative about porn not being body representative is just not the case. 


**Why do people claim that porn is not body representative?**

Well, I think that this might come from the fact that the people writing the articles either:

Don’t watch porn themselves 
Have a biased towards the industry 
They’re watching the wrong porn 

A lot of the media or people’s views on porn often are rooted in lack of knowledge, bias, or taboo. But, when it comes to body diversity, porn is one of the few industries that is really leading the way and it’s a shame that it is not being acknowledged for doing so just because of ‘taboo’. And if you feel as though the porn you are watching is not body representative, then maybe start to think about what sites you are on, and what videos you are watching. When in doubt, you can always tweet people in the industry and ask for advice. 


Is porn body representative? 

As someone who works in the adult industry, especially as a female, you hear all the possible pervy comments in the world. But there’s one comment that stands out: 

‘Do you moderate the porn?’ (Just imagine this in a kind of creepy, seductive tone…)

This is one of the comments that I receive the most, and it’s always quite an insane comment to me because there really is nothing sexy about moderation, it is one of the most grueling jobs, and it is rarely spoken about. However, as pornographic and social media consumers,we need to be ask ourselves two questions: 

Who is moderating our porn and how?
Who is making the rules between what type of content is acceptable, and what is not?
In this article I will uncover both of these important questions.

Who’s moderating my porn and how? 
Just like on social media platforms, there are two types of moderation forms in the adult space: human and AI. There are pros and cons to both of these forms. 

AI: 

There’s a lot of talk and hype about AI nowadays, but it’s important to not get lost in the hype, and have a bit of a reality check. When it comes to moderation AI can be great because it can reduce the issues that come along with human moderation such as mental health issues or desensitization. However, the AI hype can cloud a lot of people’s judgment and understanding of moderation. 

The reality is; AI moderation has a lot of flaws. Firstly, AI moderation makes a lot of mistakes, and can’t always understand the nuances, resulting in a lot of unfair censorship and discrimination. Moderation mistakes are natural, but the problem is then that most platforms do not have a proper process where you can contest the moderation decision. 

Secondly, something that a lot of people don’t realize is that AI moderation currently works well for photos, but it is not yet good enough to handle video moderation. 

Lastly, most AI models are built to stop pornographic content, not to allow it. And so, this doesn’t exactly fit well with adult sites as it doesn’t fit their moderation needs. For instance, when we moderate pornographic content on Freyja there are a couple things that we are doing:

We are checking that the performer in the content is KYC verified in our system. This means we compare their ID with reference images and more 
We check that it meets our guidelines 
We check that no one else is in the content that is not also verified in our system and tagged correctly
Then if not all three criteria are met, then the content is not posted. But there is currently no AI model that can do all of that.

In sum, AI can be a good moderation tool, but it currently has a number of flaws. There also needs to be a new type of AI approach to the pornographic industry, one that can understand the nuances of the content and the needs of the industry. 

Humans: 

All these issues with AI and its failure to understand certain sexual nuances, is why human moderators are still very relevant in today's pornographic industry. Most companies do not have in-house moderators, but outsource this from specialized companies. This is mainly due to the fact that by using a moderation company it is much easier to scale. But, companies should make sure that they are using moderation companies where moderators are being fairly compensated, and also being offered mental health support.  

When thinking about human moderators, some people have the misconception that it slows down the moderation process But, this is not the case. A human moderator can go through hundreds to thousands of contents in just the space of 10 minutes. One of the biggest advantages of using human moderators, especially for porn, is that they can understand some of the contexts of the content itself, which AI cannot always do as it’s trained against pornography. 

For example, when I first started Freyja, I thought that I wanted to stamp out sexism. Sound’s good right? Well, think about the fact that in porn people use terms such as ‘slut’ all the time, but that doesn’t always mean that the content is sexist. So, if you were to just ban that word, then you would have a lot of moderation errors. Moderation is subjective and it’s often a case by case thing, and that is when human moderators are beneficial to evaluate that case by case, and not make the same mistakes as AI. 

Nevertheless, there is a downside to using human moderators which is the mental health side. Human moderators see a LOT of things that you would not want to see. They really are the protectors of the internet. But having to continuously view problematic content such as rape videos, or child abuse clearly can have an effect on the psyche. Similarly, overtime you find yourself becoming very desensitized to the content that you are viewing. I have done a lot of moderation shifts myself, because as a rule of thumb for my company, I don’t think I should be allowed to make moderation guidelines if I don’t do some moderation myself. And when doing too much moderation you definitely notice the shift in your mood, or the effects in your personal life.  This is why it is important that all moderators have capped shifts, and mental health support. And so, you can really evaluate how good a porn or social media is on the ‘ethical’ scale, by their transparency about human moderators' treatment. 

Lastly, you also need to bear in mind the globalness of your moderation team. This is because you will be receiving content from all over the world, and when content comes in from across the globe, this often means that there is also cultural subjectivism in that, which moderators from other countries might fail to catch. 

Overall,  a mixture of AI and human moderation is needed. Moderation in itself is subjective, and needs to be dealt with on a case by case basis. Moderation errors are inevitable. It is just a matter of how the company prepares to catch those mistakes as quickly as possible, and how they protect their moderation team. 

Who decides what porn I can and cannot watch? 

It’s a bit of a weird question to think about, but there is someone who is ultimately deciding what porn you can and cannot watch. And if you think about this even more you realize how much power is actually in that decision. That is why consumers really should be thinking more about this, and being vocal about it because ultimately that decision is affecting how people view not just porn but their own sex lives and desires. I often ask people, is that the content you want, or is it just the content you’ve been given? And most of us (myself included) cannot give a straight answer to that question. Crazy right …

In the case of Freyja, I had a couple of ideas when I first started about what type of content I wanted to try to eliminate, but when it came down to actually making those decisions I realized how not straightforward that is. 

Firstly, you have to separate your personal bias from it. For example, I would personally not want spitting on faces in videos. But, that is a personal bias, just because that’s something I don’t like doesn’t necessarily give me the right to ban it. And so, I didn’t.

Secondly, there will always be someone that does not agree with what you ban. There will always be one performer who isn’t happy you banned one type of ‘fetish’ because that’s how they make money, and then there will always be a user who is upset that you banned their ‘fetish’. I remember when we first started I had banned needle injections in the arm. Makes sense right? Don’t really need that in porn. Well, I had a performer email me saying that this was offensive to diabetics and that I am a censorship kink shamer. So, you really can’t win them all… 

Thirdly, moderation guidelines are always evolving. They should never be set in stone, because there will always be some new case that arises. A lot of moderation comes down to common sense and feeling and this is where big tech often goes wrong. You have too many big social media platforms whose moderation guidelines have been made by tech people, when in reality this is a philosophical debate, and should be a humanitarian discussion. We all need to constantly be discussing and debating these types of ‘rules’. At Freyja, we have really tried to do this. We have constant discussions with our performers and the public about our guidelines, and we listen and adjust. Another important thing, was if we do not allow a piece of content, that we have a discussion with that creator as to why. There are also cases where just by having the discussion the misunderstanding is cleared up and then you can allow the content. So, talking does go a long way. The issue for big platforms is if you don’t do this from the start it becomes a scalability and infrastructural issue.

Overall, moderation is not a straightforward thing, especially when it comes to sex and porn. For some reason as a society, a lot of us have the misconception that moderation is censorship, when it is not. However, moderation done badly can result in censorship. This is why as consumers we do need to be thinking about these things not just to evaluate the ‘ethicalness’ of the said platform, but also because this is something that directly affects our own sex lives and can influence our own fantasies, so why shouldn’t we have a say?



Who is moderating my porn, and how?

The question I get asked the most by people is ‘why is Freyja not in the app store?’ 

Whenever I get this question, my heart sinks a bit with frustration, because like other adult themed sites, we are not allowed in the app store. You might be surprised by this, as most people thought that apps such as fan sites are in the store.

Why are adult sites not allowed in the app store? 

The apple store and game store’s policies towards porn are clear:

Apps containing pornographic material, defined by Webster's Dictionary as "explicit descriptions or displays of sexual organs or activities intended to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings", will be rejected. ‘Apps that also have user generated pornography will also be banned’. 

I guess in theory as a rule this could make sense. But, the issue is these guidelines do not apply to everyone. 

There are several examples of this. 

Let’s talk about the elephant in the app store: Twitter

Let’s look at Twitter as an example. Twitter is in the app store, however, Twitter does not ban pornography, and has a large amount of unverified, harmful & illegal pornographic content on its app. On the other side, we have companies such as Freyja who have consent and KYC verifies every single piece of content before it’s even posted, but we are not allowed in the store. This doesn’t really make much sense.

It’s interesting how the media, companies and governments tend to ignore the fact that Twitter is porn. When speaking with UK regulators I’ve found it very frustrating how regulations will be pushed onto adult sites, but then Twitter doesn’t need to meet these regulations, because the government claims ‘it’s different’. The reality is, it is different. The difference is that most adult sites have age verification and safety around their adult content, but Twitter does not. So, why are adult companies the one’s being kept out of the app store and more unsafe platforms are not?

If we’re talking about risk, what about dating?

One argument we often hear for adult sites not being allowed in the app store is for safety reasons. Okay, sure. Makes sense. But, when you think about other apps that are allowed this no longer logically adds up. For instance: Dating apps are allowed in the app store. Yet, they are still allowed even though they are filled with sexual harassment, unsolicited nudity and also have an even higher risk than some adult sites due to the in-person meet-up aspect. 

Should audio count?

Did you know that there are audio porn apps in the app store? Some might not market that, but rather might say they are ‘audio creation’, but in fact there is audio porn in the app store. This is allowed to stay on because it is not visual. Do you think that’s a valid argument? 

Overall, it is clear that these guidelines are in place to increase online safety. However, it begs a lot of questions about whether this is actually making things safer, or if it’s just an appearance of safety. Moreover, it is evident that these guidelines are not applying to everyone. This makes us ask; why are some companies being exempt from this when they are clearly breaking Apple's policies?

Rules don't apply to everyone: why some adult sites aren't in the App Store 

In 2019, according to the Pornhub review Hentai porn was ranked the fourth most popular category just below Japanese, Lesbian and Amateuer. Comparatively in the 2021 review Hentai moved up to the number one spot for worldwide searches, even ranking about lesbian porn. Who knew something could be more popular than lesbian porn ... not me. 

But what exactly is Hentai? Why has it become so popular? And what are the concerns with this category of pornography? 

What is Hentai?

The dictionary definition of Hentai is: 

‘A genre of Japanese manga and anime characterized by overtly sexualised characters and sexually explicit images and plots. 

The term Hentai comes from ‘hentai seiyoku’ which means ‘perverse’ sexual desire.

What are the arguments in favor of Hentai?

Many people argue that Hentai is ‘safe’ and ‘ethical’, because it is not exploiting actual human beings because it is animation. However, anime porn is still carrying the same messages and values of other forms of pornography, so the fact that it is animated does not mean it’s ‘better’ for you, in fact, looking at the majority of Hentai porn suggests it’s pretty harmful. 

What is the issue with Hentai?

Hentai porn often features characters that look child-like but with developed body parts, therefore, blurring the line between child and adult. There is a sub-genre of Hentai porn called ‘lolicon’ which involves the depiction of young girls or toddlers. They are often shown taking pleasure from sexual abuse. Similarly, in Hentai there is a theme of ‘innocence’ which is regarded as ‘sexy’. So, you can see where the issue comes in here. 

Moreover, Hentai often normalizes violence against women and girls. Themes of rape are prominent in the category, especially towards children. Regardless of if this is animated this is still harmful content to consume. There are also growing concerns with animation becoming more and more realistic. Therefore, this raises extra concerns about this genre as if it becomes realistic, this will even further blur the lines between ‘fantasy’ and abuse.

How to make guidelines around Hentai porn?

For my own company, the topic of cartoon/Hentai porn came up early on when speaking about guidelines. We were quite concerned by the child-like depictions in cartoon porn. But when thinking about how to approach this genre it became a bit more clear that cartoon porn needs to be held to the same standards of ‘real-life’ porn. If cartoon porn looks like a child then we do not allow it. 

 Similarly, if it broke any of the other guidelines, we would not be giving it an exemption just because it was a cartoon. And, I think that this is something that other sites should adopt. Just because it is a cartoon does not mean that it is not harmful content. It should be held to the same standards as other types of pornography. 

Overall, Hentai is increasingly becoming a more and more popular type of pornography every year. I think as a society we need to be questioning why this type of pornography is growing more popular, and why we are making exceptions for this type of content just because it’s animated. Do you think it should be held to the same standards of other types of pornography?


The Rise of Hentai Pornography 

I started Freyja when I was still in University. I had never really thought of myself as the entrepreneur type, and frankly the idea of starting a company had never really crossed my mind. From 13-18 I was heavily into competitive rowing. It’s where I spent most of my time before and after school, and where I felt happiest. However, in 2018, I ran a campaign to reduce sexual harassment and assault in the sport, and quickly found myself alienated from the thing I loved most. Since then, I became incredibly passionate about fighting sexual assault and harassment, and felt a strong sense of responsibility to do something about this. 

So, I got into political consultancy, and worked within the U.S. Democrat party. I thought that politics would be the way to make a change that I wanted to see. But, shocker, it doesn't. Or at least, wasn’t going to make the change as fast as I wanted it. That is when I came up with the idea for Freyja. It went off like a light bulb, and I felt like I had finally found an answer to the problem I desperately wanted to solve. I saw such a strong connection between a lack of sex ed, learning from porn and copying it. There are many sites out there that are ‘for women’ or just focused on sex ed, but there really weren’t any out there offering safe alternatives to fan or tube sites which are the most popular sites for consumption. Therefore, if there was a safer site for mainstream consumption this could in turn help improve performer treatment, consent and everyone’s sex lives.  

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Because I was so passionate about wanting to solve an important issue, it naively hadn’t yet occurred to me that investors and banks were going to be the ones to stop me. 

I didn’t know the first thing about starting a company, and knew I would need to raise funds but I didn’t know more than that. I was lucky enough to find a couple of Angel investors (An angel investor is an individual who provides capital for a business or businesses, including startups, usually in exchange for convertible debt or ownership equity)  who were passionate about the project, but it took over a year to complete this round, and at times felt as though it would be impossible. In our second round of investment, this was when I started to feel much heavier the ‘taboo’ of our industry. 

I’ve spoken with a lot of investors who immediately believed in what we were doing, and thought that this was necessary and that the timing was right. But despite this, instantly said no, or would ghost/block me. Why? 

The industry was simply too taboo for them

Even though they would be an angel investor, their work contracts (usually in banking or private equity) stated that they could not even privately invest in porn. Yup, that’s a thing.

VC firms are usually forbidden to invest in sin industries by their LPs. There may be one or two femtech funds or sextech funds but they typically invest more in period products, or sex toys and won’t touch porn.

Startup investment is already challenging enough, but when you add in these challenges your possible investment pool becomes even smaller. Suddenly it became a lot clearer to me why the porn industry wasn’t moving forward, because if new companies came in to try to make it better, investment was preventing them. And, I’ve seen this with a number of companies who are trying to break into the space, but they can’t achieve those big ticket VC funds that will enable you to become competitive, rather they have to settle (if they even can) for small investment tickets. When you really think hard about it, it doesn’t make sense why there is this investment restriction, because that restriction is what is actively preventing the much needed change. And this all comes to nothing more than the concept of taboo. 

At first this just felt like an obstacle, but as time went on you really started to become slightly resentful towards this. I would see all these other startups getting funding who had less traction than us, or less impact, and the only reason we weren’t getting funded was ‘taboo’. 

I would reach out to impact funds, because Freyja fights sexual harassment, revenge porn, child abuse and more. So, we really do stand for impact. However, I quickly discovered that VCs were not interested at all in social impact. As someone that was super passionate about trying to solve this problem and seeing how desperately the issues in porn needed to be fixed, it could feel incredibly discouraging at times to feel funding hopeless. 

Everyone says, it only takes one. So, you keep going. But, it’s about time that these investment and ESG policies enter 2023, and look at how they might be not supporting but hindering impact because as it stands no aspiring adult company is going to be able to make a change, if the key is hidden.

Investors are preventing the porn industry from becoming safer. Here's why 

STDs/UTIs

Safety is Sexy

Did you know that oral sex can also transmit STDs? Well, there's a solution to this, and it's called the 'dental dam'. Definitely not the sexiest name, but it protects you against STDs and safety is pretty damn sexy.

A mental dam is a flexible and thin piece of latex. It protects the mouth during vaginal and anal oral sex against STDs. The dental dam is a barrier, that reduces the risk of STDs during oral sex. This can also protect you against HPV, pubic lice and more.

You may have a hard time finding dental dams in a pharmacy or supermarket, as they don't usually stock them. So, try an adult store or order them online. If you want to spice things up you can even try a flavoured dental dam. However, if you have a latex allergy make sure that you buy a latex free one.

#### How to use a dental dam:

1.  Carefully open the dental dam and remove it from the package.
2.  Place the dental dam on your vagina or anus. Make sure you place it flat and that it covers the vagina or anus. 
3.  After use, throw the dental dam into the trash.

#### Can't find a dental dam anywhere, but want to use one? Did you know that you can make a condom into a dental dam? 

#### Here's how:

1.  Open the condom package carefully 
2.  Cut the tip of the condom off 
3.  Cut off the bottom of the condom 
4.  Cut down one side of the condom 
5.  Lay the condom flat over the anus or vagina.f

What is a Dental Dam

At Freyja, our motto is safety is sexy! Condoms are a great, safe way to protect you against STDs and pregnancy. So, what better way to make safety even sexier by adding sustainability into the mix! Sustainable and eco-friendly condoms are the future. Now you can practice safe sex and help the environment.

Here are some of our recommendations for eco-friendly condom brands:

#### Lovability

<div class="buttoncentered"><a href="https://twinkleapothecary.com/products/vegan-condoms-lovability" class="freyjabutton">Buy now</a></div>

#### Glyde 

<div class="buttoncentered"><a href="https://www.glydeamerica.com" class="freyjabutton">Buy now</a></div>

#### Sustain Natural 

<div class="buttoncentered"><a href="https://trysustain.com/products/#sex" class="freyjabutton">Buy now</a></div>

#### Unique latex-free condoms

<div class="buttoncentered"><a href="https://uniquecondom.com" class="freyjabutton">Buy now</a></div>

#### Lola Condoms

<div class="buttoncentered"><a href="https://mylola.com/products/condoms" class="freyjabutton">Buy now</a></div>

#### Sir Richards Condoms

<div class="buttoncentered"><a href="https://uncrate.com/sir-richards-condoms/" class="freyjabutton">Buy now</a></div>


Sustainable/Eco-Friendly Condoms 

#### What is it? 

Genital herpes is a sexually transmitted infection (STI) caused by a virus similar to the one that gives you cold sores around your lips. Genital herpes, however, causes painful blisters and sores on and around your genitals. Almost everyone has come into contact with the herpes virus at some point in their lives, and may be infected without ever experiencing any symptoms. In fact, most people carrying the virus are unaware that they've even been infected. However, just because you have the herpes virus, this doesn't mean you have genital herpes.

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#### What are the symptoms?

It usually takes between two and 12 days after contact with the virus for the first symptoms to appear. Occasionally symptoms can be noticed years after initial contact. However, some people exposed to the virus never become infected, while others catch herpes but never have any symptoms. This means that most people with genital herpes don't know they are infected but can pass the infection on to others. You may first notice some itching, tingling, inflammation and discomfort in the affected area. You can also experience general flu-like symptoms, such as backache, headache and a temperature, and mild swelling of the lymph glands in the groin, armpits and neck. You may then develop multiple spots or red bumps around the genital area which can be very painful. In time, these swellings can break open and form sores or ulcers, which gradually crust over, forming new skin as they heal. During this time, you may also feel pain when peeing or when opening your bowels. This first episode of genital herpes may last from two to four weeks. Repeat episodes are hardly ever as severe as the first and you may never have a repeat episode.

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#### How do you get it?

You usually catch genital herpes through direct skin contact with the virus. This can be from herpes sores in the genital area, or herpes sores on the mouth in the form of cold sores.The genital herpes virus is passed on by kissing, vaginal and anal sex (genital contact), oral sex, and sharing sex toys. Once you have picked up the infection, the virus stays in your body, lying dormant, and can recur in the area that was originally infected. If the virus reactivates, the ulcers can reappear and this is known as a 'recurrent episode'. You can catch herpes even if your sexual partner has no visible sores or symptoms. This is because the virus can become active on the skin without causing any visible symptoms --- this is known as 'viral shedding'. Many people who have and pass on the virus may not even know they have herpes.

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#### Testing

If you or your partner are worried that you may have genital herpes, see a doctor straight away. Getting tested is easy. If you have visible blisters, the doctor or nurse may be able to make a diagnosis straight away. If there are no visible blisters then a diagnosis might not be possible at this time. A swab will be used to collect a sample.

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#### If you have herpes:

Once you have been infected with genital herpes, the virus persists in your body and can cause a recurrence of symptoms from time to time. Recurrent episodes with symptoms will clear up by themselves without any treatment, but there is also medication to help speed up the healing process. The doctor may prescribe antiviral tablets to speed up the healing process and reduce the severity of an episode. If you start taking the medication as soon as an outbreak begins, you may shorten or even stop the episode. Some people experience frequent recurrences. In these cases, a longer course of tablets should prevent any recurrent episodes. Keep a record of when you have an episode of herpes. You may see a pattern developing and be able to identify your trigger factors. Many people find that episodes occur when they're run- down, under stress, around the time of menstruation, or when the skin gets irritated due to friction or tight clothing.

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#### How to avoid spreading herpes:

If you have herpes, you can follow some simple guidelines to avoid passing the virus on to your partner(s), and to continue to have a healthy and happy sex life:

-   Learn to recognise the warning signs (tingling, itching or inflammation) that an episode is starting. Do not have sex at this time.
-   Do not allow anyone to come into direct contact with your sores or blisters.
-   Avoid kissing and oral sex when you
-   or your partner have cold sores around the mouth --- or you feel that sores may be developing.
-   Remember that you can still shed the virus without having any symptoms. You should always use condoms with any
-   new partner and for any type of sexual contact. This is important when having sex with new partners.
-   The herpes virus survives within the nerves of your skin and can be passed through skin-to-skin contact. So even if you use a condom to reduce spreading, the virus may still be present on your skin that is not covered by the condom after you no longer have any symptoms. This means there is still a chance you could pass it to someone else.

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Genital Herpes 

#### What is it?

Genital warts are skin growths caused by a virus known as the human papilloma virus (HPV). There are lots of different types of HPV. Some types cause warts on your hands and some can cause verrucas on your feet. They are usually different from those that cause warts on your genitals. HPV is very common and the lifetime risk of getting this infection is up to 80%, with only 1% of affected individuals having symptoms of warts.

There are many forms of HPV, some of which can cause cervical cancer. Genital warts are not caused by the same type as those that can cause cervical cancer. Having genital warts does not mean that you have cervical cancer, but women aged 25--64 should go for cervical smears every time they are invited.

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#### What are the Symptoms?

Genital warts are skin growths -- you may notice small, pinkish/white cauliflower- like lumps or warts appearing singly or in groups, around or inside the genital area.

It can take weeks, months or sometimes longer after coming into contact with the virus before genital warts appear.The warts may be itchy but are painless, although they may bleed if scratched. You might see or feel them yourself or they may be noticed by your partner, or during a medical examination. Not everyone who has the HPV virus will develop actual warts -- people can carry HPV in their skin without having visible warts.

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#### How does one get genital warts?

The virus is spread through skin-to- skin contact. It can be passed from one person to another during sex or close genital contact, or by sharing sex toys. It lives in the genital skin but does not spread throughout your body. HPV can be present in the skin without any warts being visible and therefore could be passed on to a sexual partner. This makes it hard to know exactly when you got the virus or who you got it from.

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#### Testing

If you or your partner are worried that you may have genital warts, you should see a doctor. There isn't a test for genital warts other than what can be seen when you are examined. If everything in your genital area looks and feels normal to you, then you do not have genital warts. However, you could still carry the virus that causes them. If you have genital warts or have been at risk of infection you should be tested for other sexually transmitted infections such as chlamydia, gonorrhoea, HIV and syphilis. People with vaginas (PWV) should have regular cervical screening (smear tests). However, you do not need to have more frequent tests just because you have had genital warts.

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#### What if you have genital warts?

If left untreated, genital warts may disappear on their own. However, they may also stay the same size, or grow larger in size and number. There are several different treatments available for genital warts. None of the treatments clears the virus from the body. Treatment may involve a prescribed cream or liquid that you use at home. Other treatments include freezing, which

is carried out by a doctor or nurse in the clinic. All treatments may be uncomfortable and may go on for several weeks to ensure the complete removal of the warts. Most people require treatment for at least four weeks but it may take longer. New warts may reappear following treatment due to the persistence of HPV in the skin. Stopping smoking can improve the clearance of warts.

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#### Preventing Infection:

HPV can't pass through a condom, so always use one to reduce the spread of the virus. However, if HPV is present on the genital skin or in areas not protected by a condom, transmission may still occur. If there are visible warts not covered by a condom, it is best to avoid sex until the warts have cleared up. The best way to prevent all sexually transmitted infections, including genital warts, as well as to protect against HIV and HPV, is to practise safer sex. This means using a condom for vaginal, oral and anal sex.


Genital Warts 

#### What is Gonorrhoea?

Gonorrhea is a common sexually transmitted infection (STI) caused by bacteria. Infection usually occurs in the genitals but can also be found in the throat, bottom or eyes.  You can catch gonorrhoea by having unprotected vaginal or anal sex, oral sex and by sharing sex toys. It is not caught by kissing. You or your partner could have picked up the infection from a previous partner without knowing it. It can also be passed from an infected mother to her baby during childbirth.

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#### What are the Symptoms?

Some people, (particularly people with vaginas) with gonorrhoea, do not have any symptoms. This means that infection can often go untreated for some time.

If you do notice the symptoms of gonorrhoea, they will usually show up between 1 to 14 days after coming into contact with the infection. In most cases, it is easier for people with penises to recognise gonorrhoea than people with vaginas and is usually seen within a week. People with penises with gonorrhoea may notice lots of green or yellow fluid coming out of the penis. This is sometimes accompanied by pain or a burning sensation when peeing, or a rash on the head of the penis. There may also be some discomfort and swelling of the testicles. About 3 in 4 people with vaginas' do not have any obvious symptoms. Symptoms may take slightly longer to appear than for penises. These tend to be increased discharge from the vagina, pain in the abdomen, or pain when peeing. Sometimes vagina owners may experience bleeding in between periods, after sex, or have irregular or heavy periods. Gonorrhoea can also infect other areas, for example, the throat or bottom. Infections in these areas are less likely to be noticed.

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#### Testing

If you or your partner are worried that you may have gonorrhea, see a doctor or nurse straight away. Even if you don't have any symptoms, you may wish to be tested. You may have gonorrhea even if your partner has tested negative --- it is always a good idea to get a regular check-up for sexually transmitted infections whenever you change your sexual partner.

You should always have an STI check two to three weeks after you've had a new sexual partner.

Getting tested is easy! Usually, the test will involve a swab, this is quick, easy, and doesn't hurt. So, don't be lazy. Sometimes you will be asked to give a urine sample. Sometimes you will be able to get the results straight away other times it may take anywhere from a couple of days to a week or two. This will depend on where you get the test done.  Whenever you get tested opt for a full sexual health screening.

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#### What if you test positive?

Early treatment of gonorrhea is very simple and usually involves being given a dose of antibiotics. You may be advised to have another test to check that gonorrhoea has gone completely. It is vital that you avoid penetrative and oral sex until you and your partner have finished your treatment.  If you test positive you must speak to your sexual partner or partners. This is important so that they too can get tested. If left untreated an infection can cause serious illness.

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#### What if gonorrhea is not treated?

Gonorrhoea remains untreated, there is a risk of passing the infection on to others. You are also at risk of serious complications.

For penis owners, untreated gonorrhoea may lead to infection of the testicles, causing pain and swelling and, in some cases, infertility.

Some vaginal owners, who have untreated gonorrhoea may develop pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), and in some serious cases, the infection can result in ectopic pregnancy and infertility. Infection while pregnant can result in the premature birth of the baby.

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#### Safe Sex

The best way to prevent all sexually transmitted infections, including gonorrhea, syphilis, and HIV, is to practice safer sex. This means using a condom for vaginal, anal, and oral sex.

Remember, you do not have to have lots of sexual partners to get an STI. However, you are more likely to get an STI if you have had a recent change in partners or if you've had multiple partners in the last couple of months.

Always practice safe sex, this includes oral sex! Use a condom, there's no excuse not to. If you find them uncomfortable, then spend some time trying different brands, shapes, and sizes. In addition, if you are participating in group sex, use a different condom for each person/hole. And remember, safety is sexy!

Refer to our clinic search to find your closest Sexual health clinic.

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How to have a Successful Casual Relationship

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Quizzes

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STD Quiz

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Sex Quiz

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HIV Quiz

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Contraception Quiz

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