One morning, I was scrolling on Instagram ( as you do) and I came across some news that a very famous porn actress and her husband announcing the birth of their first baby. While the majority of the comments seemed to be positive comments from what it seems like close friends, loyal fans, or others in the industry, I was horrified to discover some of the negative, foul, disgusting ,derogatory comments that seem to be recurring whenever someone from the industry announces a pregnancy or a marriage. And this goes without saying, but another observation I picked up was that the more famous the performer was- the worse the comments were.

A lot of the comments as I mentioned before are recurring. It’s always along the lines of “ That kid will commit suicide because of all the bullying at school.” “ I feel bad for the kid “ “Do you know who the father is?” “ That kid has so many dads/ this baby has the DNA from so many men! “ “ Poor child/husband “ These are some of the tamer ones.

Not only are these comments disrespectful (and that’s putting it lightly), but incredibly ignorant. This is one of the only jobs that would receive comments like this- many people have had previous sexual partners prior to the one that fathers their child. The only difference? It wasn’t recorded on camera for people to see. But they're missing the point – being a porn actress is a job- that’s it . You are an ACTOR. It has no bearing on how good (or bad) of a parent you would be, or even what you might be like in real life. It’s irrelevant. It’s about as ignorant as the theory that if a woman has sex with multiple partners she must be “loose down there”…. except no one would make that assumption had they only had sex with one partner, had a “ respectable “ job (in other words, Not in the adult industry) - even if he happened to have a huge dick.

“Are you worried that your child might found out/ what will you tell them ?

I would be lying if this didn’t cross my mind when I found out I was pregnant. That’s because when I got into the industry, I was younger and I wasn’t even thinking about marriage or children –I wasn’t someone who always knew if I even wanted kids and marriage in the first place . But that changed with age, and because I met the right person who is now my husband. I have been retired from shooting mainstream for almost 4 years now, but I know that I will still get these questions. The reaction when I announced that I was pregnant wasn’t nearly as bad as some of the more well known performers ,but that’s only because I was a smaller creator with a smaller following-the reactions would be the same if not worse if I was famous so In a way I’m glad I’m not. I am also, out of my own choice very private about my personal life. It is a boundary I will not cross now that Its been a few years. I live a pretty low key life with my family, I very rarely drink or go out .. some may say these days I’m pretty boring. But I’m sure those who don’t know me will assume I’m having multiple orgies , and always going out because of the industry I choose to be in( nothing wrong with that- I just got it out of my system at a young age I guess..). Ask me anything about my sexual history and fantasies but my personal life outside the industry and relationships I will never discuss on social media in detail , but that doesn’t mean that performers who do want to do that shouldn’t. I appreciate that they are open enough to share such a personal, vulnerable experience so publicly – and they do not deserve any of the negative comments they get for it. So to go back to that question, of course I am worried ,because why should someone be bullied for something that had no part in? But I intend to raise my child to make their own judgments ,talk openly and honestly about sex when they are old enough, and if they do make judgments it should be based on if they are a good PERSON and how they treat others rather than their profession. Being in the industry, enjoying sex, having unconventional relationships ( like polyamory for example) and being a good person/parent are NOT mutually exclusive. Being an actor in the adult industry is legal, we pay taxes, have call times ,protocols and have scripts like any other job in entertainment, so why does this judgment happen ?

Lack of sex education – For most of us , we had very little to no sex education. A lot of it comes from watching porn which of course can be extremely damaging- because its fantasy and it’s not real. Real life sex is not like that- it is entertainment and it should be treated as such. It’s very easy to blame porn and porn actors when people are missing the bigger picture. So of course, it’s very challenging for people to separate fantasy and reality because this issue is not talked about because it’s so taboo. If porn was mentioned in sex education (and explained that it is NOT sex education ) porn should only be consumed for entertainment purposes by those of age and should not be used as a guide on how to have sex. This is something we hope to change with Freyja.

Upbringing and culture- We live in a society that sex is taboo and should be kept private. A lot of us were taught that sex should only be with someone you love, you need to be married, monogamous and straight. (I can assure you I’m in a heterosexual marriage but I am still very much bi sexual) While this should be respected If you have these beliefs, humans are complicated and what works for one person won’t work for another. As long as no one is getting hurt in the process, all parties are of age and are able to consent, why should it be frowned upon? You are allowed to live your life differently and respect other peoples choices too. If you don’t like it? Don’t do it. Simple.

The list goes on, but if I listed them all this will become a novel so let’s stop here. It’s inevitable that in life, we will all get judged at some point. No one is immune to that. But it’s time to stop this narrative that just because we were in this line of work in the past ( or currently) that we are automatically deemed unfit as parents, or able do to anything else , like having a job outside of the industry in the future should we want to change paths. . With any job, especially this industry it’s important to have a separation of business and personal life, especially with your children- because you don’t want them to discover porn before they have had any form of GOOD sex education , or this vicious cycle and stigma will continue.