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When someone tells you that they are a survivor of sexual assault, it can not always be easy to know what to say. But support is crucial to the healing process and so, it is good to know how you can support your friend/family or partner. Just remember that it can be a very hard thing for the survivor to talk about and it has taken them a lot of courage to come speak to you.
What you should Do:
- Believe them - it is so important that you express that you believe them
- Respect the amount of courage it has taken them to talk to you.
- Express that it is not their fault and that they didn't do anything to deserve this.
- Let them know that they are not alone - you can point them in the direction of a number of resources if they'd like this.
- Check in on them - make sure to consistently check in on them especially over time as it can be a long healing process.
- Do not be judgmental, just listen. Remember that you don't have to have all the answers or give them advice, you just have to be there for them.
- Be Patient - the process of healing can be quite long.
- Do not ask too many questions - this may give the impression that you don't believe them.
- Do not force them to tell you everything that happened. Just let them know that you are there for them.
- Allow them to take things at their own pace. - sexual assault and abuse can make you feel powerless, so it's important that you let them take things at their own pace and control.
- Give them reassurance. If they are your partner then always stop sexual activity when your partner wants to.
- Respect their decisions.
- Remember it's not their fault.
What you should NOT do
- Do not judge.
- Do not ask them why they did not say anything sooner.
- Do not say how it's inconvenient for you.
- Do not ask them why they did not fight back.
- Do not tell them to get over it.
- Do not tell them it could have been worse.
- Do not ask if they were drinking.
- Do not tell them that they should or shouldn't have reported it.
- Do not ask them how they got into that position.
- Do not ask what they were wearing.
- Do not say everything happens for a reason
- Do not compare rape stories.
- Do not tell anyone else.
- Do not ask for details.
Further Resources:
If you or someone you know if a survivor of sexual assault here are some helpful resources and helplines:
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