Misconceptions of bisexual womenMaria Bettina
February 26, 2023
There are a lot of misconceptions about bisexuality. Now, I don’t want to come off as though I’m speaking for all bisexual people, I can only speak from my own experience. But, personally dealing with these misconceptions is something that I have struggled greatly with and sadly, made me feel uncomfortable in telling anyone that I was bisexual.
I first realised that I was bisexual around 13 years old. But I didn’t start to tell anyone until I was about 18 years old. I was happy to tell people finally, and did so with ease. I found that ‘coming out’ wasn’t the hard part for me, but everything that followed with that. That being the misconceptions and assumptions that people suddenly had about me when I told them that I was bi. Before going into the misconceptions that I’ve experienced, I’d like to note that this is solely based on my experience, and I do not speak for all members of the bisexual community. So, what are some of the annoying misconceptions that I’ve faced:
This is get a lot, and it pisses me off. There have been a handful of times where I tell someone that I am bi and they say: ‘well you don’t look bisexual’, and then they look at you with misbelief as though you are lying or something. I also had one guy recently tell me that I must be pretending that I am bi in order to get attention or to appear trendy. My god…. Can’t even comment on that statement.
Oh the classic misconception where people assume that just because you are bisexual that you will automatically want to have a threesome with them. I’ve had a number of men I’ve dated suggest this, and let’s just say never went on another date with them again after this. I also had a shock when I downloaded a dating app for the first time. I would match with some women, and start a nice conversation. Then after about 20 minutes worth of messages, they ask if I want to meet their boyfriend. Now, no judgement here if you want to explore or have a threesome, but my god it is very frustrating when you just want to go on a date with a woman and it feels like ever person you match with just wants that.
Open relationship confusion
Now, an open relationship is something entirely different from bisexuality. However, for some reason some people confuse it. Don’t really know what to say to that, other than IT’S NOT THE SAME THING.
Some people will call bisexual people ‘greedy’, claiming that they are ‘greedy’ because they want to date both women and men. Bisexuality has nothing to do with being greedy. Bisexuality just means that you are attracted emotionally and physically to both women and men. Nothing greedy or indecisive about that.
‘It’s a phase’
If I had a dollar for every time I heard ‘it’s a phase’ then I could probably have funded FREYJA myself. I distinctly remember this one guy I had gone on three dates with. I told him I was bisexual and he said ‘oh … well I guess it was just a phase right? You’re no bisexual now are you?’ My Hannah Montana pjs were a phase, not my bisexuality.
I’ve had some people get overly excited when they find out that I am bisexual, thinking that it is appropriate to ask me how many women i’ve slept with, and how many women I’ve dated. Yup, this misconception really possess me off. I recently had one man in my building say to me: ‘tell me what you do to these women in bed?’ ummm that is no one’s business, and an inappropriate thing to say. Bisexuality is not something that you can or should just fetishise.
Does this mean you’re gonna cheat?
For some people, they think that because you are bisexual, that you are going to cheat on them. This is just a massive and unfair misconception. I think that my ex-boyfriend phrased this nicely: ‘well, I don’t care if you're bisexual or not, the chances of you leaving me for a woman are just as equal as the chances of you leaving me for a man, so that insecurity surrounding bisexuality is illogical.’ Cheating is not inherent to bisexuality, so people need to stop it with this misconception. This is not something that should make you insecure, and it is grossly unfair to place this insecurity on your bisexual partner.
What percentage are you?
This is probably one of the most common misconceptions. I am constantly asked by friends and dates what percentage bisexual I am. I honestly just don’t even know how to answer that, or ‘grade’ that, and why do I have to? I just don’t reply to that anymore.
These are just some of the most notable misconceptions I’ve faced. But, I’m sure that there are many more, and other people have a number of stories and experiences with these myths. It’s important that we as a society confront these misconceptions, and educate ourselves on the truth of bisexuality, be that in the school, or just doing research online to self-educate. You may not think that these misconceptions are harmful, but they really are. Indeed, for a period of time these misconceptions upset me so much to the point that I was too nervous to tell anyone that I was bisexual and felt the need to try to hide it. Misconceptions are dangerous.
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