What is gender?

Gender is a spectrum. Gender refers to the characteristics of women, men, girls, and boys that are socially constructed. This includes norms, behaviours, and roles associated with being a woman, man, girl, or boy, as well as relationships with each other. As a social construct, gender varies from society to society and can change over time.

What is the relationship between gender and sex?

Sex and gender can be related. This expectation that you are assigned female at birth, you are a woman and that if you're assigned a male at birth you are a man. This lines up for people who are cisgender. However, but for people who are gender non-conforming or transgender the sex they are assigned at birth may not align with the gender they know themselves to be. They may identify with a different sex than what they were assigned at birth. The fact is, the concepts of sex and gender are social constructs. Therefore, we as a society assign sex and gender to people baed on characteristics that are socially agreed-upon.

Children pickup on gender from the day they are born. Most children will start to identify strongly with a gender around the age of 3. Indeed, society often tells them how they are meant to look, dress, act and speak as a female or male and people/cultures have different beliefs when it comes to gender stereotypes, roles and expressions. You want your child to know that they can feel free to express themselves no matter what their gender. As a parent, you must also be careful about your choices of toys, books, clothes and decorations for your child. This is because all of these choices have an influence on their understanding of gender and what it means. Try to give your child lots of choices, and see what they prefer. In addition, also be careful about how you talk. You want to avoid sweeping statements like only boys can do this etc. You also don't want to assume your child's sexual orientation. This is super important so that your child feels they can come and speak to you about anything.

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How do you know if your child is transgender or gender nonconforming? 

Gender nonconforming means that your expression or gender identity does not go along with the traditional ideas of just female or male. This could mean you identify with words like gender queer or non-binary. Moreover, transgender means you identify with a different gender from the one you were assigned at birth.

As a parent, it can be hard to tell if your child is transgender or gender nonconforming. Here are some tips to tell:

1. They don't go back and forth about their gender. They clearly identify with one particular gender identity. 
2. They are persistent. This means they are persistent in how they identify themselves over time.
3. Your child feels strongly about their identity and will get upset if they are told that they are not the gender they say they are.

If you think that your child is gender nonconforming or transgender then you should try to speak with a therapist or counselling service who can help support families with LGBTQ+ identities. You should also ask your child directly about their gender. Ask them how they feel and identify. If they are gender nonconforming or transgender then you should let them dress how they want etc. as this will make them feel like they can talk to you and make them feel safe and comfortable.

Book Recommendations

Are You a Boy Or Are You a Girl? Sarah Savage & Fox Fisher

The A-Z of Gender and Sexuality: From Ace to Ze. Morgan Lev Edward Holleb

Be Who You Are! Jennifer Carr, illustrated by Ben Rumback

Becoming an Ally to the Gender-Expansive Child: a Guide for Parents and Carers. Anna Bianchi

Can I Tell You About Gender Diversity? A Guide for Family and Friends. CJ Atkinson, illustrated by Olly Pike

The Conscious Parent's Guide to Gender Identity: a Mindful Approach to Embracing Your Child's Authentic Self. Darlene Tando

Counseling Transgender and Non-Binary Youth: the Essential Guide. Irwin Krieger

‍It Feels Good to be Yourself : A Book About Gender Identity by Theresa Thorn

Trans+: Love, Sex, Romance, and Being You by Kathryn Gonzales and Karen Rayne

**What is Gender? How Does It Define Us? And Other Big Questions for Kids by Juno Dawso\