The challenges of Bisexual dating (opinion piece)

Maria BettinaMaria Bettina

February 26, 2023

Dating is hard and often feels impossible. As I’ve written in many other articles I am a bisexual woman and have known I was from a young age. But, when it comes to dating I really struggled to date women, and so ended up updating more men than women. This isn’t because I find men more attractive than women, but because I didn’t know how to meet any women who were bi or lesbian. It felt like an impossible task. Where are all the gay women? That’s a question I found myself frequently asking my close friend who was also bisexual. So, we decided to go on a quest to find women. So, where did we go? A gay bar. What did we find? Only gay men or straight women. So, we went to another gay bar in London, and the same thing happened. Then we decided to go to an event at my university for the LGBTQ+ community, but once again, all straight people. Now I’m not saying anything bad about straight women, I totally get why they want to go to those bars as they often feel safer plus it’s just a good time. But if you are a bi or lesbian woman at these events it can feel frustrating when the whole purpose of those nights out is to find another woman and you can’t even do that. It often felt very isolating and incredibly frustrating and discouraging. It is fair to say that neither I nor my friend got lucky that night. After these experiences, it was pretty evident that I wasn’t going to get lucky anytime soon. As a logical next step, I started using a dating app, only to be met with further shock and horror. Now, I am talking entirely from my experience and so am not trying to make a sweeping or generalized statement about LGBTQ+ dating. But I really dislike using dating apps to find women and there are three reasons why.

1. Threesomes

There’s been a handful of times where I’ve been talking to an incredibly attractive woman for a couple of hours or days. And then suddenly she says, wants to meet my boyfriend? And turns out she was just looking for a threesome. Now, I have nothing against threesomes but c’mon lead with that so it’s clear and not misleading. If I had a dollar for every time that happened I could probably have funded my company myself.

2. The Bi-curious

I have nothing against people that are bi-curious, and it’s great that you are or want to explore your sexuality. However, in my experience when I talk to these women on apps, they tend to either not reply to you at all, or never want to actually meet, so ya …

3. Distance

A lot of the time on apps if you find another woman they’re MILES AWAY. So, ya that kinda just ruins it. I’m not sure how to meet more women, or if there’s an easier way. Maybe I’ve just been doing it wrong. But I kind of wish that there were more gay bars specifically for women and not just men. That would definitely have made my experience a hell of a lot easier.


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