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BDSM is often wrongly confused with abuse. But this confusion is made by people who do not understand what BDSM actually is. Thanks, a lot 50 Shades of Grey. However, that is not to say that abuse cannot come into BDSM.
So, how is BDSM different from abuse? There is one very LARGE big difference between BDSM and Abuse, and that is CONSENT. Consent is at the very heart of BDSM. You discuss your do's and don't with your partners before you engage in BDSM, and you also create a safe word which is ALWAYS listened to. Aftercare, where you also check-in with your partner after sex is also at the core of BDSM. Whereas, sexual abuse is none of these things. Abuse is a violation of consent. Therefore, if consent is violated than that is not BDSM, then it's abuse. There is no safe word when it comes to abuse.
Moreover, BDSM is about dominance, not aggression. These are two entirely separate things. If the dom is speaking to the sub in a certain way, or 'punishing' them in a certain way this is based upon a list of things that they have already CONSENSUALLY agreed upon. And if one person decides they don't want to do that anymore or have changed their minds, then they use their safe word and it stops.
Ultimately, BDSM is not abuse. It is a choice, and a desire. It is not done with aggression or hate. It is done with care, love and enjoyment. Pain is only a facet of BDSM. If a dom and a sub engage in pain play then under no circumstances would the dom go over the submissive's pain threshold.
When it comes to control, it really isn't the dom that's in control, if anything the sub is the person with more control as they have the ultimate say. This is the complete opposite from abuse.
Overall, BDSM and abuse are entirely different things. Consent, consent, consent! That's why BDSM is all about. Whereas, abuse is NOT consent.
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