Pornography can be a great thing. Most of us have incredibly bad/inadequate sex education. For me, my sex education consisted of a video of a woman giving birth and then a girl passing out on our scary maths teacher, and if I’m being perfectly honest I still don’t know how to put a condom on. So, for me everything I learnt about sex was from pornography. I don’t remember how I first came across pornography, I don’t know if I explicitly searched for it or if I came across it. I think I googled the word orgasm which I heard at school, and wasn’t sure what it was. After watching porn for the first time I  remember googling what is the difference between sex and an orgasm. 



Anyways, from about 14 I already knew that I was bisexual. However, as a bisexual woman I’ve faced some issues with pornography. I think that it is fair and honest to say that  a lot of my sex education came from pornography, as my sex ed at school didn’t exist. However, my sex education when it comes to sleeping with women couldn’t be learnt from pornography in the same way. Now, before I go into the reasons for this, it is important to note that I am not anti-pornography, that would be kinda insane as the CEO of a sustainable adult entertainment platform. But as in any industry, there are a number of issues in the adult industry especially concerning some types of content, representation and the influence that it has on our ideas of sex. And that is something that we as users, companies and performers have to take in stride. I am also not trying to generalize, this is based solely on my experience growing up. So, here are the issues that I found when viewing lesbian pornography: 



Firstly, even though lesbian porn is one of the most popular categories out there, it isn’t made for lesbians and quite often it is not even made by lesbians. Rather, the porn itself is targeted towards men’s fantasies and is often unrealistic of actual lesbian sex. I had a big shock when I slept with a woman for the first time and thought that scissoring was actually a thing. So, in that regard due to who lesbian porn is targeted as I personally have found it less ‘educational’ or informative than heterosexual pornography. 



Secondly, another  thing in lesbian pornography is that it leads to a massive fetisation of lesbians, and threesomes. Now, what’s the problem with that you might be thinking? Well, it’s not that there’s an issue with non-lesbian or bi people consuming this content, it’s more an issue of this content is made for a fetish and not necessarily for members of that community. This then in turn has consequences in everyday life. I think that there is definitely a coincidence between this and men constantly wanting threesomes when they hear I’m bisexual. This sounds harmless at first, but comments like that have majorly effected me in my sexual identity and made me feel nervous and scared to even share the fact that I’m bisexual. So, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t consume LGBTQ+ content, I’m just saying that we all need to be a lot more aware about the effects that fetisiation can have, and that it’s not exactly always appropriate to assume that someone wants to have a threesome with you because you are a bisexual woman. 



I think that a way to reduce some of these issues, and to make the content better + healthier is that we need more content that is produced specifically for the LGBTQ+ community, and not for ‘men’ and their fantasies. I wish that growing up we had more performers who specifically tailored towards this community, and shared educational tips. But, I think that’s what’s great about the new private content model in the industry is you can search for those types of performers. Likewise, with the rise of social media it is definitely easier to find educational content, but it still needs to be more widespread, in schools and also porn companies, studios and performers need to think about the influence that fetisisation content can have on young LGBTQ+ people and their identities.



Learning about lesbian sex from porn 

Recently, I was talking to my sister. We are genuinely quite close, and do talk a lot about sex and dating, well correction: she talks a lot and I just listen. But, she asked me a weird question the other day: ‘Maria, what type of vulva do you have?’ I didn’t quite know how to answer this question. I knew that everyone has a different shape or sized vulva, but I didn’t realize there were different names for these different types. So, let’s find out what those are. 

**1. Curved outer lips**

Some people’s vulvas will have a curved shape kinda like a magnet or horseshoe curve which meets at the bottom. In the middle of this curve, you then see the inner lips.

![](https://www.datocms-assets.com/65178/1647874026-6218d90b2ffc1bae3b8b30f1_v7.jpg)

**2. Asymmetrical inner lips **

Some people will have one of their inner lips longer or bigger than the other one. This is perfectly normal, sometimes different parts of the labia are different sizes.

![](https://www.datocms-assets.com/65178/1647874092-6218d8c4ca113ede06a3dc77_v9-2.jpg)

**3. Prominent outer lips **

This is when the outer lips are larger than the inner lips. 

![](https://www.datocms-assets.com/65178/1647874143-6218d9141082bc1bd6e819cd_v3.jpg)

**4. Prominent inner lips **

![](https://www.datocms-assets.com/65178/1647874188-6218d95700b5775ed74c6161_v5.jpg)

**5. Dangling inner lips **

This is when the inner lips are longer than the outer lips. 

![](https://www.datocms-assets.com/65178/1647874231-6218d938d9e86a3a6c510a27_v1.jpg)


**6. Closed Lips**

This is when the inner and outer lips merge together. The outer lips are closed, hiding the inner lips. ‍

![](https://www.datocms-assets.com/65178/1647874268-6218d9bd0e83af14127754eb_v6.jpg)

**7. Small open lips**

This is when the outer lips are small but are further apart from one another, which makes them look slightly open 

![](https://www.datocms-assets.com/65178/1647874304-6218d9d100b577d1b24c9381_v4.jpg)










The Different Types Of Vulvas

There are a lot of misconceptions about bisexuality. Now, I don’t want to come off as though I’m speaking for all bisexual people, I can only speak from my own experience. But, personally dealing with these misconceptions is something that I have struggled greatly with and sadly, made me feel uncomfortable in telling anyone that I was bisexual.



I first realised that I was bisexual around 13 years old. But I didn’t start to tell anyone until I was about 18 years old. I was happy to tell people finally, and did so with ease. I found that ‘coming out’ wasn’t the hard part for me, but everything that followed with that. That being the misconceptions and assumptions that people suddenly had about me when I told them that I was bi. Before going into the misconceptions that I’ve experienced, I’d like to note that this is solely based on my experience, and I do not speak for all members of the bisexual community. So, what are some of the annoying misconceptions that I’ve faced:



**Disbelief  **


This is get a lot, and it pisses me off. There have been a handful of times where I tell someone that I am bi and they say: ‘well you don’t look bisexual’, and then they look at you with misbelief as though you are lying or something. I also had one guy recently tell me that I must be pretending that I am bi in order to get attention or to appear trendy. My god…. Can’t even comment on that statement.



**Threesomes**


Oh the classic misconception where people assume that just because you are bisexual that you will automatically want to have a threesome with them. I’ve had a number of men I’ve dated suggest this, and let’s just say never went on another date with them again after this. I also had a shock when I downloaded a dating app for the first time. I would match with some women, and start a nice conversation. Then after about 20 minutes worth of messages, they ask if I want to meet their boyfriend. Now, no judgement here if you want to explore or have a threesome, but my god it is very frustrating when you just want to go on a date with a woman and it feels like ever person you match with just wants that.




**Open relationship confusion**


Now, an open relationship is something entirely different from bisexuality. However, for some reason some people confuse it. Don’t really know what to say to that, other than IT’S NOT THE SAME THING.



**Greedy**


Some people will call bisexual people ‘greedy’, claiming that they are ‘greedy’ because they want to date both women and men. Bisexuality has nothing to do with being greedy. Bisexuality just means that you are attracted emotionally and physically to both women and men. Nothing greedy or indecisive about that.




**‘It’s a phase’**


If I had a dollar for every time I heard ‘it’s a phase’ then I could probably have funded FREYJA myself. I distinctly remember this one guy I had gone on three dates with. I told him I was bisexual and he said ‘oh … well I guess it was just a phase right? You’re no bisexual now are you?’ My Hannah Montana pjs were a phase, not my bisexuality.




**Fetisisation**


I’ve had some people get overly excited when they find out that I am bisexual, thinking that it is appropriate to ask me how many women i’ve slept with, and how many women I’ve dated. Yup, this misconception really possess me off. I recently had one man in my building say to me: ‘tell me what you do to these women in bed?’ ummm that is no one’s business, and an inappropriate thing to say. Bisexuality is not something that you can or should just fetishise.



**Does this mean you’re gonna cheat?**


For some people, they think that because you are bisexual, that you are going to cheat on them. This is just a massive and unfair misconception. I think that my ex-boyfriend phrased this nicely: ‘well, I don’t care if you're bisexual or not, the chances of you leaving me for a woman are just as equal as the chances of you leaving me for a man, so that insecurity surrounding bisexuality is illogical.’ Cheating is not inherent to bisexuality, so people need to stop it with this misconception. This is not something that should make you insecure, and it is grossly unfair to place this insecurity on your bisexual partner.



**What percentage are you?**


This is probably one of the most common misconceptions. I am constantly asked by friends and dates what percentage bisexual I am. I honestly just don’t even know how to answer that, or ‘grade’ that, and why do I have to? I just don’t reply to that anymore.




These are just some of the most notable misconceptions I’ve faced. But, I’m sure that there are many more, and other people have a number of stories and experiences with these myths. It’s important that we as a society confront these misconceptions, and educate ourselves on the truth of bisexuality, be that in the school, or just doing research online to self-educate. You may not think that these misconceptions are harmful, but they really are. Indeed, for a period of time these misconceptions upset me so much to the point that I was too nervous to tell anyone that I was bisexual and felt the need to try to hide it. Misconceptions are dangerous.

Misconceptions of bisexual women 

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Dating is hard and often feels impossible. As I’ve written in many other articles I am a bisexual woman and have known I was from a young age. But, when it comes to dating I really struggled to date women, and so ended up updating more men than women. This isn’t because I find men more attractive than women, but because I didn’t know how to meet any women who were bi or lesbian. It felt like an impossible task. Where are all the gay women? That’s a question I found myself frequently asking my close friend who was also bisexual.  So, we decided to go on a quest to find women. So, where did we go? A gay bar. What did we find? Only gay men or straight women. So, we went to another gay bar in London, and the same thing happened. Then we decided to go to an event at my university for the LGBTQ+ community, but once again, all straight people. Now I’m not saying anything bad about straight women, I totally get why they want to go to those bars as they often feel safer plus it’s just a good time. But if you are a bi or lesbian woman at these events it can feel frustrating when the whole purpose of those nights out is to find another woman and you can’t even do that. It often felt very isolating and incredibly frustrating and discouraging. It is fair to say that neither I nor my friend got lucky that night. After these experiences, it was pretty evident that I wasn’t going to get lucky anytime soon. As a logical next step, I started using a dating app, only to be met with further shock and horror. Now, I am talking entirely from my experience and so am not trying to make a sweeping or generalized statement about LGBTQ+ dating. But I really dislike using dating apps to find women and there are three reasons why. 

**1. Threesomes **

There’s been a handful of times where I’ve been talking to an incredibly attractive woman for a couple of hours or days. And then suddenly she says, wants to meet my boyfriend? And turns out she was just looking for a threesome. Now, I have nothing against threesomes but c’mon lead with that so it’s clear and not misleading. If I had a dollar for every time that happened I could probably have funded my company myself. 

**2. The Bi-curious**

I have nothing against people that are bi-curious, and it’s great that you are or want to explore your sexuality. However, in my experience when I talk to these women on apps, they tend to either not reply to you at all, or never want to actually meet, so ya … 

**3. Distance**

A lot of the time on apps if you find another woman they’re MILES AWAY. So, ya that kinda just ruins it. I’m not sure how to meet more women, or if there’s an easier way. Maybe I’ve just been doing it wrong. But I kind of wish that there were more gay bars specifically for women and not just men. That would definitely have made my experience a hell of a lot easier. 





The challenges of Bisexual dating (opinion piece) 

I was talking to a close friend of mine the other day. He had just come back from a sex store in Finland, and I asked him excitedly 'how was it? I haven't been to one here yet.' He said that it was okay, but that he was a bit surprised because when he was looking around at all of the toys it felt very gendered or just heterosexual. Apparently they didn't even stock anything for douching, and that the only toys 'marketed' towards gay men was for fisting, which he found very surprising.

This made me think a bit about sex toys and marketing. Sex toys are a great thing. The first thing I did when I moved out and lived by myself, was buy a vibrator. But the more I think about it, the more I do find the marketing around toys incredibly annoying and frustrating. Every time I've gone on a site or I've gone into a store I've found that everything is pink, purple and sparkly. Now, I don't have anything against pink, indeed, my apartment is stereotypically mostly pink. But there is something condescending about the marketing of vaginal sex toys and they are also incredibly unrepresentative of the LGBTQ+ community as quite often the marketing implies/infers that the toys are for heterosexual. In addition, if you look at the packages, it's often only a hot skinny woman on the packages, and doesn't represent most body types and is un-diverse.

When I refer to these toys, I'm purposely saying 'vaginal' and not 'women's sexy toys' because that's how I believe we should be marketing these toys. There is not reason to have such gendered sex toys. We shouldn't market it just for women, just say it's for vaginas! When you think about it there really is not needed for such gendered sex toy marketing, sex toys are sex toys, people with penis' use them and people with vaginas, and we all use them for pleasure. Now, so far I've spoken a lot about vaginal sex toys, as that's what my experience has been like. After speaking with a number of my friends who are apart of the LGBTQ+ community, they seemed to have negative experiences in sex stores due to the fact that they felt as though they were not represented in the store, and that even though in technical terms there were 'toys for them', it felt as though there were not due to the layout of the store, the assumptions that everyone is straight, as well as the colour coding and packaging.

So, how can this change? It clearly needs to. Sex toy companies need to think more about their marketing. Toys do not have to be so gendered or unrepresentative, as they're for everyone! The models used on packaging also need to represent the people who use these toys, and sex stores need to think actively about how they layout their stores, to not be exclusionary or assumptive.

Are sex toys representative? 

Awww the notorious foot fetish. We've all heard about it, but how much do you really understand about foot fetishes?

#### What is it?

A foot fetish is where feet, tights, legs, socks, or shoes cause sexual arousal or urges in a person. The preference of feet varies depending on the individual. One can be turned on by just looking at feet, or by having a massage.

#### Why?

You might be thinking how come certain people have this particular fetish. There is not a lot of studies on fetishes, or why they arise. But there are a couple of theories. Freud believed that the foot fetish arouses because it is a 'penis substitute. Whereas, other researchers such as Vilayanur Ramachandran believe that the area in the brain which processes sensation of the feet is close to the area that leads to genital stimulation. So, that could definitely explain a possible connection for foot fetishes. Similarly, feet have a number of nerve endings and so is a spot of sensation, leading to possible arousal. In addition, a foot fetish can also be a part of the domination and submissive dynamic.

#### How common is it?

Foot fetishes are one of the more mainstream common kinks. It is definitely more talked about than armpit fetishes. However, it is important to note that just because someone has fantasied about feet doesn't always mean that they have a fetish. According to an article in [Men's health](https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a19523651/foot-fetish/) here is how common a foot fetish is:

-   5% of heterosexual women 
-   18% of heterosexual men 
-   11% lesbian and bisexual women 
-   21% of gay and bisexual men

#### Do you think you might have a foot fetish and want to experiment?

Well, if you think that you might have a foot fetish, there's nothing wrong with that! Just make sure that you have a discussion with your partner, and that you are both on the same page. Establish your boundaries and consent. After all, safety is sexy! Never pressure your partner into doing anything that they don't feel comfortable doing.

#### Some things you can do if you have a foot fetish:

1.  Foot selfies 
2.  Pedicures 
3.  Shoe play 
4.  Massage 
5.  Tickling 
6.  Toe sucking 
7.  Foot job 

‍

Foot Fetish Explained 

There are a couple of forms that an armpit fetish can take:

-   Firstly, some people like the taste and smell of armpits. Armpit fetishism is also referred to as maschalagnia. Many people with armpit fetishes express how they like the phereomone smell, are find their partner's odor attractive. If you think about it, it definitely makes sense why some people are attracted to this because the armpits don't just produce sweat and odor but also hormones. Indeed, when we are having sex, our armpit glands release odors. And our armpits release sweat when we experience a range of emotions, the glands respond to our emotional state including arousal. 
-   However, armpit fetishism isn't just about smell. Secondly, some people are attracted to the hair under the armpits. Some people are attracted to stubble or fully grown armpit hair. When it comes to women, the armpit hair has become a 'taboo' for some dumb reason. So, with this 'taboo' in mind, it can lead to an extra level of attraction for some. 
-   Thirdly, some people like to actually penetrate the area between the armpit and arm. But, if you're into that, make sure that you lubricate beforehand, and of course, that you're partner has consented and into it too!

If you think that armpits is something you'd be into, make sure you do your research and always discuss first with your partner, to establish clear consent and boundaries. And always grab the lube!

Armpit Fetish Explained 

#### What is wax play?

Wax play involves dripping candle wax onto yourself or your partner. It's basically a type of temperature play. Wax play is very prominent in power play and BDSM. But, wax play is something you can experiment with even if you're not into BDSM.

#### Safety first:

First things first, wax obviously involves fire. Therefore, if you are going to engage in wax play safety is your best friend. So, make sure that you inform yourself about all the safety requirements.

1.  Have a cloth, water and a first aid kit nearby, just in case
2.  Even have a fire extinguisher within reach
3.  Be sure to give aftercare to your partner, give them a cuddle, and help them remove the wax.
4.  Research before you start. You can do workshops or read lots of articles to learn more.
5.  Try using a plastic cover to protect your sheets or furniture. 
6.  You might want to keep in mind, that wax can pull off your hair once it's hardened. Some people might like that, other's not. So, if you are the latter then make sure you shave or wax beforehand! 
7.  Always check the candles ingredients to make sure they don't contain anything that you are allergic to.
8.  Avoid candles made of beeswax as these burn hotter.

#### How to engage in wax play:

1.  Put massage oil or lotion on your skin before starting. 
2.  If it's your first time with wax play, then you might want to start off with a massage candle, which is a bit softer, and then eventually move into a full wax candle. Try a soy or paraffin candle, as they don't burn too hot. 
3.  After you've picked your candle it's time to set up the scene (safety wise, not sexy wise). Clear your room of anything flammable such as alcohol and have a bucket of water and fire extinguisher at hand. Remember, safety is sexy! 
4.  Talk to your partner about their pain tolerance. Test the wax first on your partner's wrist, so they can see what feels good and what doesn't, and stay in communication with your partner, always have the safe word picked out before engaging in wax play. 
5.  If the wax becomes uncomfortable immediately tell your partner. 
6.  Don't forget about aftercare. Cuddle and comfort your partner, and help them to clear the wax. Try using a wet towel to get the wax off, and then have a shower and gentle clean your body. 

‍

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Wax Play Explained

#### What is Endometriosis?

Endometriosis is a gynecological condition. This is when tissue develops on the outside of the uterus, usually on other reproductive organs inside the pelvis or in the abdominal cavity. This tissue responds to the hormonal changes of the menstrual cycle by breaking down resulting in small bleeding inside of the pelvis. This then in turn results to inflammation, swelling and scarring of the normal tissue surrounding the endometriosis. When the ovary becomes involved, the blood can then become embedded in the normal ovarian tissue resulting in blood blisters surrounded by a fibrous cyst.

#### What are the symptoms?

-   Painful periods 
-   Intercourse pain 
-   Excessive bleeding 
-   Infertility 
-   Pain with bowel movements or urination 
-   Fatigue 
-   Diarrhea 
-   Constipation 
-   Bloating 
-   Nausea

#### What are the causes?

The exact cause of endometriosis is not certain. But here are some possible explanations:

-   **Retrograde menstruation **- these enometrial cells stick to the pelvic walls and surfaces of pelvic organs, where they grow and continue to thicken and bleed during the menstural cycle. 
-   **Embryonic cell transformation** - some hormones can transform embryonic cells into endometrial like cell implants. 
-   **Transformation of peritoneal cells **- hormones promote transformation of peritoneal cells that line the inner abdomen into endometrial like cells. 
-   **Immune system disorder** - some issues with the immune system may make the body unable to destroy endometrial like tissue on the outside uterus. 
-   **Endometrial cell transport** - blood vessels system may transport endometrial cells to other areas of the body.

Endometriosis occurs when cells grow outside the uterus in other part of the body. This tissue can attach to (but not limited to):

-   Ovaries 
-   Fallopian Tube 
-   Rectum 
-   Bowel 
-   Linning of the pelvic area 
-   Bladder

#### How common is it?

Endometriosis is very common. According to Johns Hopkins Medicine 2-10 percent of American women have endometriosis. It usually starts when you begin to have your period. But is usually diagnosis around 25-35.

If you suspect that you might have endometriosis then go see your doctor.

Maria Bettina

Maria Bettina

Learning about lesbian sex from porn

Maria Bettina

The Different Types Of Vulvas

Maria Bettina

Misconceptions of bisexual women

Maria Bettina

Non penetrative sex toys for penises

Maria Bettina

The challenges of Bisexual dating (opinion piece)

Maria Bettina

Are sex toys representative?

Maria Bettina

Foot Fetish Explained

Maria Bettina

Armpit Fetish Explained

Maria Bettina

Wax Play Explained

Maria Bettina

What is Endometriosis?

Maria Bettina