When and how is revenge porn illegal? - with revenge porn helpline 

Rough Sex vs Sexual Abuse 

BDSM is often wrongly confused with abuse. But this confusion is made by people who do not understand what BDSM actually is. Thanks, a lot 50 Shades of Grey. However, that is not to say that abuse cannot come into BDSM.

So, how is BDSM different from abuse? There is one very LARGE big difference between BDSM and Abuse, and that is CONSENT. Consent is at the very heart of BDSM. You discuss your do's and don't with your partners before you engage in BDSM, and you also create a safe word which is ALWAYS listened to. Aftercare, where you also check-in with your partner after sex is also at the core of BDSM. Whereas, sexual abuse is none of these things. Abuse is a violation of consent. Therefore, if consent is violated than that is not BDSM, then it's abuse. There is no safe word when it comes to abuse.

Moreover, BDSM is about dominance, not aggression. These are two entirely separate things. If the dom is speaking to the sub in a certain way, or 'punishing' them in a certain way this is based upon a list of things that they have already CONSENSUALLY agreed upon. And if one person decides they don't want to do that anymore or have changed their minds, then they use their safe word and it stops.

Ultimately, BDSM is not abuse. It is a choice, and a desire. It is not done with aggression or hate. It is done with care, love and enjoyment. Pain is only a facet of BDSM. If a dom and a sub engage in pain play then under no circumstances would the dom go over the submissive's pain threshold.

When it comes to control, it really isn't the dom that's in control, if anything the sub is the person with more control as they have the ultimate say. This is the complete opposite from abuse.

Overall, BDSM and abuse are entirely different things. Consent, consent, consent! That's why BDSM is all about. Whereas, abuse is NOT consent.

What is the difference between BDSM and Sexual Abuse? 

1.  **Listen to and Believe Survivors** - coming forward as a survivor of sexual harassment/assault takes a great deal of courage. Do not blame or doubt the survivors, believe and listen to them.
2.  **Do not make assumptions**- sexual harassment and assault can be done by anyone and can effect anyone. It does not matter what the gender identity, sexuality or race you are; everyone can be affected by gender-based violence. Sexual harrassment and sexual assault affects everyone.  
3.  **Self-Reflect**: Think about your own behaviour. Think about if you may have participated in or condoned a culture that facilitates such behaviour. Think about how you may have negatively affected other people and learn from and correct your mistakes in the future. 
4.  **Ask how you can help** - ask people around you, who have been affected by harassment or assault how you can help. Start a dialogue and listen to others. Try to see how you can better understand and support those around you. 
5.  **Don't judge**- do not judge how the survivor may be reacting to the situation. You may think you know how you would react in that situation, but you don't until you are in it. So, reserve your judgement.
6.  Be an Ally - Do not immediately jump to action and try to confront the perpetrator. Ask what would be the best way to support and help. This doesn't mean don't take action, it just means to take a second, think and ask. Consult and respect the survivor's wishes. 
7.  **Question and Scrutinize your workplace/university/school culture** - ask your workplace, university or school to address gender-based violence. They should be regularly engaging employees and students in awareness training and educational activities. You should also make sure that they have a proper report system for harassment or assault. 
8.  **Ask your workplace or school to change** - ask them to review their policies towards gender based violence and harassment. 
9.  **Advocate for Equity and Promote Respect** - check to see if your workplace or university has diverse leadership. Are men getting paid more than women? Are people of all sexual orientation and gender identities welcomed? Making change can start with you, calling this out. 
10. **Remember that Gender-based violence is a human rights violation**- this is not just a woman or a man's issue. This is a matter of human rights.

10 Ways Men Can Help Reduce & Prevent Sexual Harassment 

When someone tells you that they are a survivor of sexual assault, it can not always be easy to know what to say. But support is crucial to the healing process and so, it is good to know how you can support your friend/family or partner. Just remember that it can be a very hard thing for the survivor to talk about and it has taken them a lot of courage to come speak to you. 

#### **What you should Do: **

1.  Believe them - it is so important that you express that you believe them
2.  Respect the amount of courage it has taken them to talk to you. 
3.  Express that it is not their fault and that they didn't do anything to deserve this. 
4.  Let them know that they are not alone - you can point them in the direction of a number of resources if they'd like this. 
5.  Check in on them - make sure to consistently check in on them especially over time as it can be a long healing process.
6.  Do not be judgmental, just listen. Remember that you don't have to have all the answers or give them advice, you just have to be there for them. 
7.  Be Patient - the process of healing can be quite long. 
8.  Do not ask too many questions - this may give the impression that you don't believe them. 
9.  Do not force them to tell you everything that happened. Just let them know that you are there for them. 
10. Allow them to take things at their own pace. - sexual assault and abuse can make you feel powerless, so it's important that you let them take things at their own pace and control.
11. Give them reassurance. If they are your partner then always stop sexual activity when your partner wants to. 
12. Respect their decisions. 
13. Remember it's not their fault. 

#### **What you should NOT do **

1.  Do not judge.
2.  Do not ask them why they did not say anything sooner. 
3.  Do not say how it's inconvenient for you.
4.  Do not ask them why they did not fight back.
5.  Do not tell them to get over it.
6.  Do not tell them it could have been worse.
7.  Do not ask if they were drinking. 
8.  Do not tell them that they should or shouldn't have reported it.
9.  Do not ask them how they got into that position.
10. Do not ask what they were wearing.
11. Do not say everything happens for a reason 
12. Do not compare rape stories.
13. Do not tell anyone else.
14. Do not ask for details.

#### **Further Resources: **

If you or someone you know if a survivor of sexual assault here are some helpful resources and helplines:

1.  [RAIIN](https://www.rainn.org/about-national-sexual-assault-telephone-hotline)
2.  [Rape Crisis](http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/)
3.  [Victim Support](https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/crime-info/types-crime/rape-and-sexual-assault/)
4.  [Women Against Rape](https://womenagainstrape.net/)
5.  [The Survivors Trust](http://www.thesurvivorstrust.org/)
6.  [https://www.rcne.com](https://www.rcne.com/)

How to Support a Survivor of Sexual Assault

Male sexual assault is incredibly under-reported and very misunderstood. The fact of the matter is sexual assault can happen to anyone regardless of their age, sexual orientation or gender identity. The U.S. Department of Justice estimates that 16% of men experienced sexual abuse by the age of 18. Yet, there are many myths surrounding male sexual assault the need to be addressed.

1.  It is not true that men cannot be assaulted. 
2.  It is not true that only gay men assault other men.
3.  It is not true that only gay men are assaulted.
4.  Women can assault men, not just other men.
5.  It is a myth that an erection or ejaculation during the assault means that you like it.

Men and boys may face the same effects of sexual assault as other survivors, however, they also face additional challenges due to social attitudes and stereotypes surrounding men and masculinity. These reactions included, but are not limited to:

1.  Denial 
2.  Find the idea of being a victim hard to handle. 
3.  Many think they deserved to be assaulted because they couldn't defend themselves. 
4.  Due to guilt, shame or anger, they may punish themselves by getting into self-destructive behaviors such as drugs or alcoholism. 
5.  May find sexual relations challenging. 
6.  Question their own sexuality - may have concerns or questions about sexual orientation. 
7.  Feeling like 'less of a man' or that you no longer have control over your own body. 
8.  Withdrawal from relationships or friendships and an increased sense of isolation. 
9.  Worrying about disclosing for fear of judgement of disbelief. 
10. Self-blame or self-loathing attached to their sexuality.

#### **Universal reactions to sexual assault:**

1.  Disbelief/denial 
2.  Emotional shock 
3.  Embarrassment 
4.  Shame 
5.  Depression 
6.  Loss of control 
7.  Disorientation 
8.  Flashbacks 
9.  Fear
10. Anxiety
11. Anger
12. Physical stress

There are many factors of sexual assault that can impact someone. For example, the age at which the abuse began, the duration of the abuse and the type can further influence the types and degrees of problems a man has to deal with.

#### **Support and Resources:**

1.  ‍[RAINN helpline](https://www.rainn.org/)
2.  [Man kind](http://www.mankind.org.uk/)
3.  [Nomas](http://www.nomas.org/)
4.  [Male Survivor ](http://www.malesurvivor.org/)

Male sexual assault

It is a misconception that domestic abuse can only be physical as it can take multiple forms. So, what is coercive control? Coercive control is 'a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation, and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten' ([women's aid](https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/coercive-control/#:~:text=Coercive%20control%20is%20an%20act,punish%2C%20or%20frighten%20their%20victim.)). This controlling behaviour is designed to make a person dependent and isolate them from support. In fact, around [60-80 percent ](https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=control.+https://www.stopvaw.org/uploads/evan_stark_article_final_100812.pdf&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8)of women seeking assistance for abuse have experienced coercive control. The United Kingdom has made coercive control illegal, however, this is still not an illegal offense in countries such as the United States. You can refer to the [Coercive Control Collective](https://coercivecontrolcollective.org/legal-policy-efforts) to see how to engage in state and local efforts.

**Key aspects of Coercive control: **

1.  Isolating you from friends and family. For instance, moving you far away from your family, fabricating lies about you to others, monitoring your calls to family and convincing you that your family hates you. 
2.  Depriving you of basic needs such as food. 
3.  Monitoring your time. 
4.  Denying your freedom and autonomy. For example, not allowing you to go to work or stalking you. This can also include dictating who you can see and what you can wear.
5.  Gaslighting.
6.  Name calling and verbal abuse.
7.  Humiliating, degrading or dehumanizing you.
8.  Monitoring you via online communication tools. 
9.  Depriving you access to support services, such as medical services. 
10. Controlling your finances. This can include (but not limited to) putting you on a strict budget, limiting your access to bank accounts, preventing you from having a credit card or monitoring your spending. 
11. Reinforcing traditional gender roles.
12. Turning your kids against you. 
13. Controlling aspects of your health and body. 
14. Jealous accusations 
15. Making threats or intimidating you.

**What to do if you are under coercive control? **

1.  Try to maintain your communication and support systems whenever possible. 
2.  Call a domestic violence hotline regularly. Know where your nearest public phone is. 
3.  Have a safety plan.

**Here are some domestic abuse hotlines and resources:**

1.  <https://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/phone-the-helpline/>
2.  [https://www.thehotline.org](https://www.thehotline.org/)
3.  <https://ncadv.org/get-help>
4.  <https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help>
5.  <https://coercivecontrolcollective.org/victimsurvivor-assistance>

‍

What is Coercive Control?

#### Defining Sexual Harrassment

Sexual Harrassment is an incredibly broad term and takes many forms. Sexual harrassment is defined by unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favours, and other verbal or physical harassment of any sexual nature. Sexual harrassment can take place anywhere and in any environment. Some examples of sexual harassment include requests for sexual favours, verbal harassment of a sexual nature, unawatned touching, sexual pressure, exposing oneself, unwanted sexually explicit photos, emails, or text messages. 

#### The Difference Between Sexual Harassment and Assault

Sexual assault refers to sexual contact, often physical. This occurs without consent. Sexual Harassment is not always violating the law whereas, sexual assault is always a criminal act. Sexual assault includes: Rape, attempted rape, forced oral penetration, unwanted sexual touching.

#### What You Should Know

As a parent, sexual harassment and assault can be very challenging topics to bring up with your children/teens. However, this conversation must be had so that your children can be more protected and aware. You will need to make sure that they are aware of the laws surrounding sexual harassment/assault. Here are some key points to share with them:

1 Sexual assault/harassment can happen to anyone of any age or gender. It can be committed by any age or gender.

2 Sex without consent is sexual assault.

3 Sex that begins with consent can turn into assault.

4 Sex with an intoxicated person is assault as they cannot

consent. This is a fact that too many people do not understand. 5 Discussing another person in an explicitly sexual manner to

friends or in a chat is sexual harassment.

‍

#### **How to talk to your child/teen about sexual harassment/assault**

‍**1\. Link Conversations**

If you are talking to your child about something concerning safety, you can use this as an opportunity to bring up the subject of harassment and assault. Indeed, if your child is talking bout friends or dating you can bring up the topic in a casual, and open manner. In addition, if you are watching a T.V. show or movie where the topic comes up, use this as an opportunity to start a natural conversation. Refer back to our consent page for further advice!

**2\. Be open and approachable**

You want your child to come to talk to you about these difficult subjects. That is why it is essential to never shut them down. Keep the conversation going and listen to what they have to say. Most importantly, ask them what they think so that they also engage with the subject and view it as less of a lecture. Let them know that they can come to you whenever. It may also help to rely on your own experiences with your children.

**3\. Remind Them**

Remind your child about the laws surrounding consent and assault. You should also make it clear that harassment or assault is never the survivor's fault. Likewise, you must remind your child about the law. In addition, remind them to care for their friends and not just think about themselves.

**4\. Understand Technology**

Technology plays a large role in sexual harassment and assault. That is why it is vital that you yourself understand what technology your child/teen is using. You must also make sure that your child understands that the same laws of reality also apply to the virtual. Talk to your child about cyberbullying and Internet Safety and make sure that they have private social media accounts under the age of 18.

**5\. Identify Inappropriate Behaviours**

You want your child to understand inappropriate behaviours and warning signs so that they can protect themselves. These signs include isolation, pushing of drugs or alcohol, lack of respect, no understanding of boundaries and general feelings of being unsafe. Teach your child to always listen to their Instincts. If a situation does not feel safe, then it probably isn't. Additionally, you should inform them on what is inappropriate party behaviour such as spiking or sexual pressuring.

6\. **Be Equal**

No matter what gender or sexuality your child is, make sure you talk to them equally about sexual harassment and assault. Sexual harassment/assault affects everyone, not just one gender.

‍

#### ‍**Indictators that a teen may have been sexually assaulted**

Some signs that may suggest someone has been sexually assaulted can easily be intertwined with everyday teen struggles. However, if something seems off, must trust your instincts. If you notice the following signs (but not limited to) it may be worth checking in:

-   Unusual weight gain or weight loss
-   Unhealthy eating patterns, like a loss of appetite or excessive eating
-   Signs of physical abuse, such as bruises
-   Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) or other genital infections
-   Signs of depression, such as persistent sadness, lack of energy, changes in sleep or appetite, withdrawing from normal activities, or feeling "down"
-   Anxiety or worry
-   Falling grades
-   Changes in self-care, such as paying less attention to hygiene, appearance, or fashion than they usually do
-   Self-harming behavior
-   Expressing thoughts about suicide or suicide behavior
-   Drinking or drug use

‍

#### **What to do if your child is sexually assaulted**

It is a difficult thing to think about, but it is vital to be prepared if your child is assaulted. This is because the way that you respond is important and will effect how they recover.

1 Make sure to listen and stay calm.

2 Believe what your child is telling you.

3 Make sure they know that it is not their fault.

4 Understand where to go for help (look to our help resources

below)

5 Look into counselling/therapy for your child if they are

comfortable with this.

6 Get your child medical care.

7 Have them write down what they remember.

‍

#### Resources:

[RAINN HOTLINE](https://www.rainn.org/)

[Crisis Text Line](https://www.crisistextline.org/)

[Survivors Network](https://survivorsnetwork.org.uk/)

[NSVRC](https://www.nsvrc.org/)

[Rape Crisis Network Europe Victim Connect](https://www.rcne.com/)

[Rape Crisis](https://rapecrisis.org.uk/)

‍

#### **Book Recommendations: **

Asking For It - Kate Harding
Not That Bad - Roxane Gay
Learning Good consent - Cindy Crabb
I Never Called it Rape - Robin Warshaw
The Will to Change: Men, masculinity, and love - Bell Hooks
The Macho Paradox Why some men hurt women and how all men can help - Jackson Katz
Unfuck your boundaries workbook - Faith G. Harper
Against Our Will Men, Women and Rape - Susan Brownmiller

Take Our Quiz to test your knowledge! 

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Preventing and Tackling Sexual Assault/Harassment 

#### **Defining Human Trafficking **

The United Nations defines **human trafficking **as: 'The Act of recruitment, transportation, transfer, harboring or receipt of persons, by means of the threat or use of force or other forms of coercion, of abduction, of fraud, of deception, of the abuse of power or of a position of vulnerability or of the giving or receiving of payments or benefits to achieve the consent of a person having control over another person, for the purpose of exploitation.'

#### Below are the three elements of trafficking:

1.Movement or recruitment 

2.Deception or coercion 

3.The Purpose of exploitation

**Modern Slavery: **is defined as the recruitment, movement, harboring, or receiving of children, women, or men through the use of force, coercion, abuse of vulnerability, deception, or other means for the purposes of exploitation. In cases with children, it can be the case that only the purpose is needed not deception and coercion. Both modern slavery and trafficking are forms of sexual exploitation.

‍

#### **Types of Exploitation **

1.  Sexual Exploitation 
2.  Labour Exploitation 
3.  Domestic Servitude 
4.  Forced marriage/sham marriage 
5.  Forced criminality 
6.  Organ harvesting 

‍

#### What is labor exploitation?

Forcing people to work for little or no wages. It one of the most common forms of modern slavery.

‍
#### What is domestic servitude?

A form of trafficking performed in private residences. It is a type of forced labour whereby the victim is usually expected to work around a person's house every day and be on call 24/7.


‍

#### What is forced marriage/sham marriage?

A **sham **marriage or civil partnership is one in which all of the following apply: one or both of the parties is not a 'relevant national', there is no genuine relationship between the parties, either or both of the parties enter into the marriage or civil partnership for the purpose of circumventing immigration controls.

A **forced **marriage can be coupled with other forms of slavery. Children who are trafficked for sex may and can also be sold into forced marriages. An adult who is forcibly married may then be trafficked for labour or sex by and for the financial gain of his or her spouse.



#### What is forced criminality?

Forced criminality involves victims, often children, who are forced to commit a range of crimes, including bag snatching, theft forced begging, forced sham marriage, and cannabis cultivation.

‍


#### What is Organ Harvesting?

Organ harvesting is the illegal practice of surgically removing a victim's organs against their will. They are then sold on the black market for transplantation.

‍

#### **Possible Indicators of Trafficking (specifically sex trafficking)**

1.  The person appears under 18 years old 
2.  The person appears unwilling, sad, or disengaged 
3.  Signs of physical or psychological abuse 
4.  Poor communication skills or is not in possession of their own legal documents
5.  The person seems to be bonded by debt or has money deducted from their salary 
6.  The person is distrustful of authorities 
7.  The person acts as though they are under the control of someone else. They have limited free movement. 
8.  They have little or no contact with their family or has threats made against themselves and family members. 
9.  They appear to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol 
10. The person works in an unhygienic or overly secured environment 
11. Bookings and payments are taken through a third party. 
12. Any physical injuries prohibit them from understanding their rights. 

‍

#### **The Difference between Sex Work and Trafficking **

1\. **Free will**

Sex workers operate out of free will and independence. They arrange their own work and manage their careers. People who are trafficked do not offer services out of their free will. Some individuals are sexually exploited.

2\. **Force, exploitation, and violated human rights**

Some people are coerced or deceived into providing sexual services. They are forced to work long hours with little or no pay. They can be threatened with violence and often held hostage by their trafficker.

3\. **Consented Advertising**

Independent sex workers use adult services websites. They will use these as a way to advertise their services. They contain control over their services and use them to help increase their own personal safety.

4\. **Trafficked Advertisement**

On the same adult service websites, there are often ads selling trafficked services of sexually exploited victims. Sometimes these ads can be difficult to spot as they appear next to legitimate consenting ads.

‍

#### **Reporting **

If you suspect that someone is being trafficked or a victim of modern slavery you can report to the following:

If you suspect someone is in immediate danger call 999 (UK) or 911 (US)

**UK**

Modern slavery helpline:\
08000121700

[National trafficking helpline ](https://humantraffickinghotline.org/)

**Austria**

IBF - Intervention center for victims of trafficking in women\
+431-7969298

**Belgium**

Payoke\
+3232011690

**Bulgaria**

National Human Trafficking Resource Line\
080020100

**Czech Republic**

La Strada SOS Hotline\
+420222717171

**Ireland**

Hotline for the Confidential report of suspicions of trafficking:\
1800250025

**Netherlands**

9.CoMensha\
+31334481186

Slovakia

Slovak Crisis Center DOTYK\
+421903704784

**US**

National Human Trafficking Hotline\
1-888-373-7888

‍

#### Take our Quiz to Test your Knowledge:

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Trafficking and Modern Slavery 

#### Why People Share Revenge Porn

Revenge porn refers to the sharing of explicit or sexual, images or videos, without the consent of the person in the content. One may initially have sent a nude with consent, but then these images are used/shared in a non-consensually manner. For instance, keeping nudes after a break up and sharing them on a group chat.

It can be challenging to understand why people share 'revenge porn'. In order to break the cycle, and better educate ourselves we must think about the psychology behind why people do this, before we attempt to solve the problem. What is interesting is, despite the name, revenge porn is not always to do with revenge. Below are five reasons (but not limited to) why people may share revenge porn:

1.  To show off to others. This has a large peer pressure element to it. Sadly, a lot of 'lad' or 'frat' culture is built around this, and so fosters this bad and dangerous behaviour. 
2.  To get revenge after breaking up.
3.  General stupidity and lack of awareness. 
4.  Anger towards women or another person.
5.  Somehow I think that people want this content to be shared. 

![](https://uploads-ssl.webflow.com/6151f3071aebcd1b20156ba1/61608614352ce96cbfa7809f_sharing%20.jpg)

‍

#### ‍**How do we fix the problem? **\
‍

This is not an easy problem to fix. Of course, it is important to know how to keep yourself safe online, but it shouldn't just be about keeping safe online. We should also be focusing on stopping this behaviour, as that is the common denominator. There is no one fix all solution, and it will require a group effort to solve.

1.  People who have shared photos or participated in group chats need to reflect. They need to think about why they did that and then nip that behaviour in the bud. 
2.  This is clear ethics. People should never post or share explicit images of anyone. If you break up with someone and have explicit photos of them, you should immediately delete them. 
3.  People need to not share images if they are sent to them. 
4.  This behaviour must be called out. That's the best way to break this consistent cycle of 'lad culture' and peer pressure. 
5.  Everyone needs to stand up for each other. 
6.  Reevaluate who you are spending your time with. If you are hanging out with people who don't see the issue with revenge porn, then you're hanging out with some idiots. Get some new friends. 
7.  Sex education needs to properly address the dangers of sending explicit images, and also needs to address lad culture, and why people should not share these images. 
8.  Children and teens need to be taught about sexual integrity and ethics. 
9.  Laws surrounding revenge porn need to be stricter, and policing systems need to produce better ways of reporting revenge porn.

#### **How to Keep Safe: **

1.  Think about the risks and ramifications of sending explicit photos. 
2.  Do not show your face or tattoos if you do choose to send nudes. 
3.  Refer to our parental tool kit and information pages on the dangers of sexting.

#### **What to do if you are a victim/survivor of revenge porn: **

1.  Research your local laws on revenge porn. 
2.  Remember that it is not your fault. 
3.  Ask websites or social media platforms to remove the images. 
4.  Reach out to helplines (listed below) 
5.  Speak to a parent, role model, or authoritative figure.

**Resources and Helplines: **

Revenge Porn Helpline

<a href="‍https://revengepornhelpline.org.uk" class="freyjabutton">Click Here</a>

SWGFL

<a href="https://swgfl.org.uk/services/revenge-porn-helpline/" class="freyjabutton">Click Here</a>

Why People Share Revenge Porn, and how to Stop It. 

What is it and where does it come from?

In psychology, there is a manipulation technique known as gaslighting, where an intended victim or members of the intended group are encouraged to doubt their own memory, perception, or sanity. The term "gaslighting" originates from the 1938 drama “Gas Light”. The play tells a story of a husband tricking his wife into believing she is going crazy by dimming the gas lights in their home. Later on, he denies that they ever brightened when the wife points it out.1 Similar to this, in a gaslighting scenario, the manipulator will fudge the facts and information, deny the events, and create doubt on the victim's memory of the events, leading to uncertainty and instability. It is a harmful and unethical behavior that can cause significant psychological distress and harm to the victim. The manipulator can do it consciously or not. 

Similarly, gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse and can have serious consequences on the victim's mental health and self-esteem but it is not always intentional or malicious. If you suspect that you or someone you know is a victim of gaslighting in a relationship, it is important to seek support from friends, family, or a mental health professional.

Gaslighting is not necessarily a sexist practice. However, interactions in gaslighting are frequently sexist in a variety of ways. Men more regularly use gaslighting, whereas women are more frequently the targets of it.2


How do you know if you are being gaslighted?3

You continually question your decisions. 
You question, "Am I being too sensitive?" every day. 
You constantly apologize to your boss, boyfriend, parents, and parents.
You frequently defend your partner's actions in front of friends and family.
You discover that you are hiding information from friends and family so you won't have to give justifications or explanations. 
Despite your best efforts, even to yourself, you are unable to describe what is seriously wrong. 
You begin lying to avoid the criticism and reality-based surprises. 
You struggle to come to easy decisions.

What to do when you are gaslighted?4

Identify the problem:The first step is recognizing the issue.
Trust your instincts: If something feels off, it probably is.
Keep a record: Write down instances where you feel like your perceptions are being questioned or dismissed.
Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. It can be helpful to have a sounding board and someone to help you process your feelings.
Set boundaries: Let the person know that you will not tolerate being manipulated or having your perceptions questioned.
Consider ending the relationship: If the gaslighting is severe or if it continues despite your attempts to set boundaries, it may be necessary to end the relationship to protect your well-being.

Here are some resources that can help if you are gaslighted:

No More Abuse.org can guide you to find help nearby.
Family violence resources provides contacts of all the international Hotlines.
If gaslighting happens at work - your HR department may offer support.
iCALL - Initiating Concern for All, is a free psychosocial helpline, which offers counseling services by telephone, email and chat to individuals in emotional or psychological distress.5

References

Abramson, K. (2014). Turning up the lights on gaslighting. Philosophical perspectives, 28, 1-30.
Morgan, R. (2007). The Gaslight Effect. 
Stern, R. (2009). Are you being Gaslighted?. Psychology Today, 19.
DiGiulio, S. (2018). What is gaslighting? And how do you know if it’s happening to you. NBC News.
iCALL. (2023). Retrieved on 06.02.2023 from https://icallhelpline.org/faqs/.


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